Ellie’s heart quickly felt heavy as soon as she saw Jaejoong lying on the hospital bed. He was still sleeping when she arrived.
“Did you come here alone? Is Krizzia and Samar with you?” U-Know curiously asked while continuously looking at the door as if expecting somebody else to enter the room.
“They already returned home. I told them that I would just call them up when I want to go home already,” Ellie answered.
“Jaejoong will surely be happy to see you,” Xiah said with a wide smile.
“The nurse just finished sedating him. But we can still wake him up, if you want,” Max added.
Ellie shook her head. “No, that’s not needed. Let him rest for now. Anyway I am not going anywhere until he wakes up. I am going to stay here and watch over him,” she answered as she moved closer to Jaejoong. But she immediately stopped walking after realizing she was already getting too close to him. She was afraid that she might suddenly get another panic attack if she wasn’t careful. She then just contented herself with looking at Jaejoong. “If only I could touch you and make you feel how much I care. God knows how much I want to comfort you right now… but I can’t. I’m sorry Jae,” she uttered with a low voice. She slowly closed her eyes and tried to fight back her tears. She felt miserable that she couldn’t even get close to the one and only man she had loved.
Max, Xiah and U-Know just watched in silence while Ellie stood near Jaejoong’s bed. They pitied both Ellie and Jaejoong because of the situation that they were in. Somehow they could never imagine being in such a miserable state. They knew that neither of them would ever be able to handle such emotional pain like what Jaejoong is doing.
“You should sit down Ellie. You wouldn’t want to collapse too, would you?” Xiah said with concern.
Ellie glanced at Jaejoong again before finally sitting down on the chair near the bed. “You guys should rest. You all look quite tired. Maybe you would like to go home and sleep. I can take care of Jaejoong for you.”
“We’re not tired. Hyung has always been the one who always took care of us when we were sick or just feeling low. It’s our time now to return all the kindness and love he has showered us,” Max replied.
Ellie’s heart was suddenly filled with happiness. “He’s lucky. He found such good friends.” She slowly glanced back at her sleeping prince before finally looking straight at Jaejoong’s friends. “I guess… you already know the truth right?”
Max, Xiah and U-Know just nodded and stayed silent.
Ellie took a deep breath before speaking again. Somehow she wanted to gather enough strength first before finally revealing everything. “Jaejoong and I, we grew up together. We were always together when we were younger. Or the more correct thing would be… I was always following him,” she slightly laughed after remembering all the silly things she had done just to be with Jaejoong. “He was two years older than me but we still managed to be the best of friends. There wasn’t a moment during our free time after school that we weren’t together. We would always play at the park, watch TV at my house or his house, go to different stores to buy cookies, chocolates or ice cream, or we would just end up making a big mess at their kitchen or our kitchen. He was always welcome at my home, the same way I was always welcome at his house. Our parents knew each other and we were even allowed to sleep over at each other’s homes. We were that close, you see… That time was the most wonderful time in my entire life…” she suddenly stopped talking. She needed to gather strength again to continue talking.
All the three DBSK boys continued to listen. They all wanted to know everything and they knew that just by listening to Ellie, they were also helping her somehow.
“I… I always thought that our time together would never end. I always thought he would always be beside me until we grew old. I guess by now… all of you already know how I feel about him?” she suddenly asked again and looked at the men sitting right in front of her.
U-Know smiled and nodded. “We could easily see it the very first time that we saw the two of you together. The way you looked at him and the way he looked at you, we knew that there was something about the two of you. Even though we weren’t sure what it was, we already had an idea that you knew each other somehow.”
Ellie again glanced at Jaejoong. “I never thought I would be able to meet him again… not after…” she stopped talking and tried to brush away the memories that were clouding her mind. “We were already happy… We were already living a happy and contented life when… something happened. He fell in love and changed.” Ellie felt like her heart started aching again after remembering Min Rin. “Min Rin was a very nice girl. I guess it was quite impossible for him not to fall in love with her. But after… he and Min Rin got together, I was suddenly thrown out of the picture.” Suddenly Ellie started to sob and tears fell from her eyes. “The inseparable pair of Ellie and Jaejoong was suddenly replaced with Jaejoong and Min Rin. No matter how much I tried to draw him back to me… he was already too deeply in love with Min Rin to even notice that I existed too. Suddenly I was forced to walk alone after school and endure all the bullying the other girls in school made just because he was my best friend and they didn’t think I was fit to be beside him… I tried to bear with all of those things. I didn’t want him to think that I depended too much on him. I tried to make myself strong and just move on with my life. After a few weeks of being alone, I finally got the hang of it. All that mattered was Jaejoong’s happiness. That was the only thing that kept me going. As long as he’s happy, then I am also happy. But… I never thought that things would get much worst. It was my birthday when… it happened.”
“Ellie, please stop. You don’t have to continue. I know it must be very painful to talk about it,” Max uttered with worry written all over his face.
Ellie shook her head. “It’s all right. I want to get things out in the open. I am no longer afraid. I want to be brave now. I’m already tired of hiding.” She gently brushed away her tears and smiled. “It was my birthday when I became so unlucky. I was such a silly girl, you see. It was already dark but I still continued to wait in the park… for my best friend who promised me that he would spend the day with me. I believed his words and I wanted to hold on to his promise. So I waited and waited until… they… came.”
“Ellie,” Xiah uttered as if begging her to stop.
But Ellie just continued and just closed her eyes. She was no longer afraid. She needed to be brave if she wanted to overcome her fear. It was time to take away her mask and finally reveal her true self, the broken Lena.
“I…I was raped that night… exactly on my birthday. I was quite unlucky huh?” she suddenly tried to ask jokingly, but the bitterness and pain quickly made her sob again… “When I finally woke up from that horrible event… I was already in the hospital. I was badly beaten to the point that I couldn’t even open my mouth, let alone move my lower body. They had to operate on me because… those bastards not only raped me but also… inserted… things into me. And because of that… I could never have any children now…” Ellie suddenly broke down into a pitiful cry.
“Please stop,” U-Know repeated as tears also formed in his eyes. What they were hearing was already too much for them. It was tearing their hearts out and making their hearts bleed, the same way that Jaejoong’s heart must be bleeding whenever he remembers what happened to the woman that he loves.
Ellie drew in another deep breath. With her eyes still closed, she continued. “The police couldn’t find any specific evidence to help in my case. So in the end, I was left with nothing. No justice and no future. That’s when I decided to disappear. We were already supposed to go on a long vacation and so we just decided to make it into a permanent one. No goodbyes, no more ties…. to everything and everyone who had any connection to that day. On that unfortunate day, Lena died along with all her hopes, dreams and future.”
With tears flooding her eyes, she finally looked at the men sitting in front of her. “After that day, I changed everything, my name, my face, and even my past. I tried to make myself believe that nothing happened to me. I tried so hard to bury all my horrible experiences and just move on with my life. But the memories wouldn’t leave me alone. Sometimes the memories return like ghosts in the night and just haunts me even in my sleep. That’s why I was admitted in a mental institution. I was in and out of different institutions that everyone was already calling me names. I was already a hopeless case… until Samar and Krizzia came along. They helped me and took care of me patiently. It was then that I started to get better and here I am today. I may not be one hundred percent cured but I can say that I am trying to live my life the best that I can. Before all I wanted was to hide. There was even a point in my life that I blamed all the bad things that happened on Jae and I also planned of taking revenge on him… But after seeing him again, everything just changed and what I want now is to live. I want to be able to live again like a normal person. Even though I know I am no longer good enough for him… I am willing to be just another friend as long as I can stay by his side. Before I always told myself that he was my sunlight and that I was his shadow. You can call me greedy or selfish, but I don’t care anymore. I want my sunlight back in my life again. I think even a broken piece of glass like me can still have some special use. I don’t care if Jaejoong really loves me or not. I know that there is a chance that he just feels pity for me or even guilty of what has happened in the past. I am willing to be just his shadow. I am willing to offer my life again to him. I don’t care if he just uses me or if in the end, when he finally finds the girl of his dreams… he throws me out again. I won’t mind. As long I can have more time with him I will treasure all the time we can share until the day comes that he finds his true happiness. So please let me stay by his side. I swear I won’t cause any problem. Just let me be in his life again,” Ellie bowed her head and was somehow begging.
U-Know shook his head. He knew that this whole situation was going to be tough not only on Jaejoong and Ellie but also on Micky as well, and all of them as a group. “Ellie, you don’t have to ask our permission to stay by Jaejoong’s side. He loves you and we respect his decision. We will always support him and whatever his decision will be.”
“Thank you… thank you,” Ellie uttered as she continued to cry in happiness.
Unknown to all of them, aside from Ellie, another person was silently crying. Jaejoong who suddenly woke up from his sleep accidentally heard everything that Ellie said. Afraid that he would somehow embarrass Ellie, he just decided to continue pretending to be asleep. But he wasn’t prepared for all the things that he heard, especially when Ellie begged his friends to allow her to be by his side again. Somehow all the anguish, pity and remorse were washed away with a never ending happiness. “Thank you Ellie. I love you and I promise I will try to make up for everything I’ve done. Promise I will never make you cry again,” Jaejoong silently promised as tears continued to secretly fall down his cheeks.
*******************
Outside Jaejoong’s room, a third person was also silently crying. Micky, who was secretly listening heard Ellie’s confession. His heart was totally shattered when Ellie told everyone that she still wanted to be by Jaejoong’s side. He couldn’t believe that Ellie would be brave enough to openly admit her dark past just to be with Jaejoong. Before he had an advantage since Ellie was trying so hard to hide her past but now that she already admitted to still loving Jaejoong and has personally revealed all her secrets, what will happen to him now?...
Hurt and anger clouded Micky’s heart. He needed to think fast or else he would lose the girl that he has learned to love. Slowly dark plans started forming in his mind. “Sorry Jae… but Ellie’s mine,” he uttered with a frightening smile.
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