PERFECT MAN
“Sometimes you do things for the wrong reasons. You even blame love for all the mistakes you made and try to cover up everything with lies. And even if your mind is telling you to stop, you still continue until you can’t turn back anymore. But what if you’re given the chance to correct your mistake, but in exchange you will lose the only thing you treasure the most. Will you make the right choice?”
“Hadakani nareba daremoga hitoride Sorede mata koiwo surundarou Cause I love Futari tewo tsunagiatte~~~” I smiled and turned off the radio in my car as I drove my car into the parking area of the small clinic I was working at.
“Sorry I am late,” I quickly said as I rushed into my designated area.
The old man, about 60 years of age, looked up at me and smiled. “It’s okay. I feel like something good will certainly happen today. You might never know you might meet your perfect man today.” I laughed lightly. “Oh doctor, you’re joking again.” “You’ll see… Your time will come… And you will meet the one destined for you very soon,” the old man somehow said with a mystical tone.
****************
“The perfect man? Hahhaha..” I somehow couldn’t stop myself from uttering while driving back to my small apartment. “Hmmm… I am not really interested in any man, maybe except for… Xiah… But meeting a celebrity like him would be very impossible.” I thought as I let out again a laugh.
My world was too different with his world. And I was someone no sane man would even dare to take interest on.
My name is Sora Ishikawa, 22 years of age, orphan, living in a small apartment that can barely be called an apartment because of its old and deteriorating state, working in a small clinic for almost 3 years now, a certified TVXQ fan since I was 17 and have never had the chance to have a real relationship with any man. I am not picky nor am I materialistic. Honestly I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All the men I know somehow can never see me as a woman. All I am is a friend… and never more than that. ****Screechhhhh……….
A man suddenly stepped out of the dark alley I was passing, and due to my carelessness I accidentally hit him. The impact wasn’t that strong since I was still able to step on the break on the last minute, but the impact was still enough to knock down the man. I nervously stepped out of the car and went to the man’s side. I immediately looked around, hoping to ask someone for help. But it was already passed midnight and the street was already deserted. The man was wearing a hooded jacket. (I don’t know what came over me… I just felt the need to pull down his hood and fully expose his face. It was him… It was Xiah, one of the members of the most famous boy group around.)
I suddenly froze. I was like a vampire victim who was locked in a trance. He was a celebrity. I would surely be put in jail. I was confused and somehow lost on what to do next. Suddenly I thought of the next best thing.
It only took a couple of minutes for Doctor Sato to arrive at the exact place where the accident happened. I knew Xiah needed help but I needed to take care of myself first. I begged the doctor to help me treat XIah at the clinic and not to report to the police. And because he loved me like a daughter, even if he knew what we were doing was wrong. He still agreed.
*******************
Morning came …. Xiah was still lying on his bed when both Doctor Sato and I were hit with a shocking reality.
He had lost his memory…. It was like my whole world started tumbling and spinning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two days passed, and Xiah still didn’t regain his memory. We waited and waited until another 3 days already passed by and it was then we decided to move Xiah out of the clinic. Xiah’s disappearance was already reported on all the TV stations and newspapers. The doctor and I decided to have him stay in my apartment for the time being. It was the only safe place where we could keep him. Doctor Sato went to the clinic every morning and always visited my apartment in the evening. While I took care of Xiah from morning until night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because of conscience, I finally decided to tell Doctor Sato about who Xiah really was. I cried while confessing everything. I knew I was guilty and nothing I say or do would be enough to make up for what I did.
It was then that Xiah entered the kitchen. He quickly came to my side and tried to console me. During the several days that we were together, somehow we became close to each other. And even though I kept on telling myself to put some distance between us, I still fell in love more and more… And I could feel it was the same with him.
---------------------------------------
Another day passed….
Doctor Sato finally told me about his plan on how to return Xiah without us being caught. I knew it was time to say goodbye. Somehow I had already expected this time would come sooner or later, I just didn’t think that it would be this painful. But like what they all say, good things must always come to an end…
And on that special night, our very last night together… I decided to make it the most memorable night for the both of us. I knew once he got his memory back, there will be a chance that he might never remember me or the things we did together. But somehow deep in my heart, I wanted to make a special memory for him even if it was only for a short while, and even if I was the only one to remember it in the end.
**************************
The music was playing… Xiah slowly opened his eyes. He instantly saw the red wine I bought which I placed on the table and next to it I placed a heart-shaped chocolate.
“What’s this?” he asked with the most charming smile that was enough to last me a lifetime of memories.
I tried to hold back my tears and smiled. “I prepared this for you,” I softly answered.
He looked at me and my heart started to beat so fast. Somehow the longer I stared deep into his eyes, the more I felt like I was already being intoxicated by his charms.
“You know, even if I can’t remember anything right now, and even If my mind is like a forest full of distorted and unclear images, somehow I really don’t feel afraid because ever since I opened my eyes, you were always by my side. Whenever you’re with me, there is that feeling of happiness and contentment. Can you promise me that you will always be my side?” Xiah said with the most loving voice.
Tears quickly streamed down my face, I knew I couldn’t promise. I had no right to be with him. He belonged in a different place. I sobbed. “I… I can’t promise you anything,” I uttered as I carefully touched his face.
He quickly took my hand in his hand and tightly held it. “Why? Why can’t you stay with me?” he asked as if he was about to cry.
“Because… because you don’t belong here. You belong somewhere else…” I answered in between sobs.
“No, my place is here… with you,” he uttered as he quickly took me into his arms. “I don’t know if I have a right to do this. But my heart is telling me that meeting you is the most important thing that happened in my life… I love you…” and with those last three words he slowly made me see the meaning of love.
****************************
HEADLINE: XIAH FINALLY FOUND! ALREADY SAFE AND RESTING…
I slowly folded the newspaper and quickly placed it on the table. It has been a week since Xiah returned to his real world. Doctor Sato convinced me to move and hide for a while. What we did can be considered kidnapping and there was the accident. I was surely the one to be blamed for everything.
“How are you doing duck butt?” I asked as if I was talking to someone. I then smiled as if I was going crazy. Then I immediately started to cry. I miss you… I am going crazy without you… Are you missing me too? Do you still remember me or have you gotten your memory back and have totally forgotten about our special time together?
***********************
Several months passed……
I was busy hanging washed clothes on the roof of the apartment building where I was staying.
“You know, you shouldn’t be here. Going up here is quite dangerous for a pregnant woman,” a familiar voice said.
I quickly turned and was shocked to see a familiar face. “How? What are you doing here? Are you here to send me to jail?” I asked with a quivering voice.
Xiah slowly approached me. “Send you to jail? No… Do you know I was already going crazy trying to find you? Why did you leave me?”
I was suddenly confused. “You have regained your memory, don’t you?”
He smiled again and came closer. “Do you really think that I would forget you once I got my memory back? Do you really think I would forget the only woman who I made love with… the only woman I learned to love?” he then gently touched my abdomen. “Were you really planning to raise our child alone?” he asked as I finally noticed the tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry… I was afraid…” I slowly uttered.
“Do you know for the past few months, I was like on a trampoline. I was currently jumping from my past memories and my memories with you. I was constantly wishing to jump back to the memory I had with you… I was going mad. I kept on wondering where you were, what you were doing and if you’re already with someone else. All I knew was your name… Sora. Everything else was like a dream. My friends kept on telling me to just get over you and move on. But my heart wouldn’t let me. It kept on calling for you. So I knew I had to continue searching for you. Finding you was the only thing that would make my heart whole again…”
“Oh Xiah, I am sorry… but I was the one who caused that accident. I….”
He then gently placed his finger on my lips. “Sssshhh… I am thankful that it happened. Because of it, I was able to meet you…”
I started to cry. “Is this just a dream?”
He laughed lightly as he quickly planted a sweet kiss on my lips. “No, this isn’t a dream. This is real… “ and after he said those words he slowly took out a small box out of his pocket and handed it to me. Then he knelt down.
“I know I have some faults and sometimes I may become difficult to be with, but can you find it in your heart to take this poor and lost soul that has been missing you so badly? I promise to always love you and always be with you… forever and ever… I love you Sora. Please say you will you marry me…” Xiah uttered.
It was like everything was spinning. “YES! Oh yes, I will marry you…I love you too.” I uttered as tears of joy flowed down from my eyes. I had finally found my perfect man…
CHAPTER 26
“Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…” Jaejoong happily sang to his bestfriend as he slowly hugged her from behind.
Lena froze. She was washing the dishes and Jaejoong’s gesture made her so conscious of her every move. “Jae, my birthday is still a few days away… So don’t go singing yet,” she said with a giggle.
Jaejoong tightened his hold on his best friend. “Why? Can’t I greet you in advance? I know your birthday is still days away. But I want to be the very first one to greet you. So I can be the very special person on your birthday. By the way, what do you want me to give you? You know you can always make a request, my princess.”
Lena felt her heart was so heavy with unexplainable joy. If she could only tell him how she truly felt about him. How she wished that she could tell him that there was nothing else in the world that she wanted more than to be the one who owns his heart.
“Are you sure you can give me what I want?” she suddenly bold asked. Jaejoong laughed in his usual mesmerizing way. “Just tell me what you want and I will surely give it to you… I am your servant and you’re my queen,” he said lovingly.
“What would you do if I said.... what I wanted is,” she suddenly stopped.
“Jaejoong... Lena…. Min Rin is here…” Lena’s mother called out from the living room.
Jaejoong quickly released Lena from his embrace and happily ran out of the kitchen straight to the living room.
Lena felt like a knife was stabbed straight into her heart. “All I want is you… Jaejoong,” she softly uttered to herself. Somehow she felt she was a fool to actually believe that Jaejoong would notice her in the way that she wanted. She was just his best friend… and she could never be his girlfriend.
**********************
Ellie slowly sat down on the bed where Jaejoong was sleeping soundly. “You’re so careless. Imagine getting yourself so drunk and unconscious on the side of the road. What if something bad happened to you? What if I hadn’t come by and saw you? What if I didn’t recognized you and just passed you by? You would surely still be sleeping on that cold and dark place. And what if some bad people suddenly decided to rob you or worst kidnap you… Fool! You’re so foolish! You’re still the same Jaejoong I know,” she uttered softly as she continued to stare at him.
She suddenly closed her eyes. Different images were suddenly rushing into her mind again. She then stood up and quickly took the glass of wine that she had placed on the table across the bed where Jaejoong was. She then quietly sat down and again gazed at the face that had never left her memory. “God! Why is this happening? I think I am really going crazy… Imagine, I actually took you home with me… What if someone knows about what I had done… Will my secret be revealed because I took you here? What will Micky say… Oh god Jaejoong, how come so many years have already passed but I still can’t forget you? I know I kept on telling myself that I hate you and I no longer love you… but deep inside, I know that I still care for you. You still have a special place in my heart. But I know everything is just a dream now. Even if we are already here, face to face, you can never know who I am. I can never reveal who I really am. I am no longer the girl you know, the sweet and innocent girl that you once had shared your life with. I am just a broken piece of glass now… No matter how hard I try to put back all the pieces together, I am already shattered and can never be made whole again… I am sorry, but I can never let you know the truth. I can see you’re also hurting, but it is better this way. I don’t think I can bear to stand before you as the girl you had known before. That girl had already died a long time ago… on that long and unforgettable night,” she said softly while she continued to sip the glass of wine she was holding.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jaejoong slowly opened his eyes. His head was throbbing and somehow everything around him was moving that it was making him so dizzy. “Aaaahhh,” he groaned.
Ellie who was already sleeping on a chair was suddenly woken up by Jaejoong’s voice. “Hello sleepy head,” she uttered as soon as she saw Jaejoong awake and moving in bed. She was instantly taken by surprise by what she said. She used to say those exact words, before when she was still Lena.
Jaejoong quickly got up on the bed and immediately stared straight at her. “Ellie?” he asked with confusion written all over his face. “What am I doing here? And what did you just say?” he asked again.
Ellie tried to compose herself. Then she started to act like she didn’t hear the last question that Jaejoong said. “You know, you shouldn’t be drinking yourself so bad without any companion. I found you on the side of the street, already passed out. You’re lucky. I decided to take a walk before going home or else you would still be unconscious on that side of the street right now.”
Jaejoong tried to remember what happened to him. Then he ran his hand through his hair. “I… I am sorry but I really can’t remember what happened,” he softly uttered.
Ellie laughed as if trying to annoy Jaejoong. “Remember? What are you trying to remember? You were so high on alcohol that you just slept on the street. Are you insane? You’re a celebrity and you’re acting like that? What if some media person was the one who found you? Do you know what kind of scandal that would cause? And that would surely affect not only your reputation but your friends as well. You should be more careful with your actions,” she said as a lecture.
Jaejoong lowered his head. “I see, and I actually thought you were concerned about me. Now I understand you’re just protecting Micky,” he said with a sadness his voice.
Ellie couldn’t help but feel pity for Jaejoong. “If you’re planning to drown yourself in alcohol, why don’t you just do it in your room? At least that way, you won’t be causing any embarrassment to your friends,” she said with sarcasm. Jaejoong stared back at Ellie. “How long are we going to pretend?” he suddenly asked with a serious tone.
Ellie suddenly felt nervous with what she heard. “What… what do you mean?”
Jaejoong sighed. “How long are you planning to keep on pretending that you don’t know me? And how long do you think I can go on pretending that I don’t know you?” he asked as his gaze was steady on Ellie.
Ellie’s heart started to beat fast. Somehow she didn’t like the way that Jaejoong was talking. She needed to think of a way fast or else her secret might be in danger.
She suddenly stood up. “You’re really crazy! I am leaving. Just go home when you’re finally sober. Don’t worry about the bill, I already paid everything. And just be careful when you go out. Make sure no one recognizes you,” she said as she was about to walk out of the room.
“Lena, please… Let’s stop this! I am already hurting so much that it’s making me crazy. Please… let’s stop pretending already,” Jaejoong said as he suddenly got of bed and rushed to block the door.
“What are you talking about? I am not Lena. Are you going insane again? How many times do I need to tell you that I am not Lena! Why do you keep on insisting that I am?” Ellie asked angrily. “Because you are Lena! I know it and my heart knows it,” Jaejoong instantly replied.
“Get out of my way! I am leaving or do you want me to call the police? Do you really want me to cause problems for you? Just leave me alone… I don’t want to hear your senseless talk…” Ellie said as she tried to put on an act.
“I am tired Lena. And I know you’re already tired as well. Let’s just drop the masquerade and face each other. I am willing to accept everything. Curse me…. beat me… make me suffer… I don’t care what you want to do with me. Just as long as I am with you,” Jaejoong said as he started to walked closer to Ellie.
Ellie was starting to feel strange. Somehow she was already having difficulty breathing. But she still tried to act tough and tried to put on her façade.
“Get away from me, Jaejoong. Please I don’t want to any trouble. Just let me leave,” she was already begging.
But Jaejoong just continued to walk closer and closer to her, while she tried to walk farther and farther away from him. She didn’t like the look on Jaejoong’s face. He wasn’t himself anymore. And it was obvious that it was no use trying to reason with him. But she needed to try, for her sake.
“Jaejoong! Stop this! I am not kidding. I swear, I am going to ruin your life if you continue with this madness,” Ellie shouted. Jaejoong suddenly stopped. It was like his sanity had finally returned. “I… I am sorry, if I scared you,” he uttered with a quivering voice. It was like he was going to cry. “Jae…” Ellie couldn’t help but utter with concern.
Jaejoong suddenly smiled. “Look, you’re free to go… I am sorry.” He then started to walk to a corner of the room.
Fear suddenly entered Ellie’s heart. She didn’t like the way that Jaejoong was acting. It was like he was really losing his sanity.
She was about to say something when a loud sound of shattering glass echoed in the room. Stunned, she quickly looked at Jaejoong. He was now holding a large piece of the broken wine bottle that was placed on a table.
“Jae, wh.. what are you doing?” Ellie cried out in horror.
“Just leave, you’re free to go… Just leave me alone,” Jaejoong said as he suddenly turned away and started to stare at the broken piece of bottle that he was holding.
“Jaejoong, please give me that,” Ellie said with worry. Jaejoong turned back at her and smiled. “Don’t worry, just go. I don’t want you to be here when…”
“When… what? What are you planning to do? You’re going to commit suicide? You’re going to hurt yourself?” Ellie asked continuously. Her mind was already flooded with fear and so many memories.
“I am tired,” Jaejoong simply uttered. It was then Ellie had noticed that blood was already dripping from his hand. “Jaejoong!” Ellie shouted with anger and fear. She was so worried about what Jaejoong was going to do.
Jaejoong smiled bitterly at Ellie. He didn’t really care about the sharp pain that his wound was giving him. The pain he was feeling in his heart was more intense and more maddening that somehow he couldn’t take it anymore. “I am sorry… Lena. I am sorry. I know even if I begged you or asked your forgiveness a million times, my sins would never disappear. Because of me… because of me…” he said while trying to think of what to say next. Somehow he couldn’t think of anything else.
Fear gripped Ellie’s heart. She just continued to stare at the blood that was continuously dripping from Jaejoong’s hand. And as she continued to stare, all her locked up memories started to appear one by one.
Ellie started to cry. She was so afraid of seeing Jaejoong becoming what she was before. She sobbed. “Please stop, Jae… You’re scaring me…. Please don’t do this to yourself,” she cried out.
But Jaejoong was somehow locked into a trance. He just stared at Ellie with a blank expression on his face.
“Jaejoong,” she uttered again as if trying to make him come to his senses.
Unexpectedly, tears started to fall from Jaejoong’s eyes. Ellie’s defense was finally crushed after seeing the pitiful state that Jaejoong was in. She didn’t want him to end up like her. She didn’t want him to also lose his mind because of what happened…
Ellie felt like the ground she was standing on finally gave way. She fell down and just sat down on the floor. And with tears streaming down from her eyes, she looked up at him.
“Jae, please stop. I… I can’t bear to see you like this. I thought I could bear to see you suffer. But I guess I was wrong. I am Lena, Jae…. I am your bestfriend…. Do you hear me? I am Lena!”
Ellie had finally tore down the wall that she had built around her. She still loved Jaejoong. And she already knew that no matter how much she tried she can never erase him from her mind and from her heart. She needed to be true to herself once and for all, no matter what the consequences might be.
CHAPTER 28
“Get out!” Micky shouted as soon as he and Nan Hee were left alone. He was standing in front of the woman who he once loved with hatred in his eyes.
While Nan Hee looked at him with tears in her eyes. “Don’t you think you’re being too cruel?” she asked while trying to stop herself from crying uncontrollably.
Micky bitterly laughed. “Cruel? Shouldn’t I be the one to ask that? Don’t you think you’re hurting my wife because of what you’re doing? Please just have a conscience and leave. And take that… that baby with you.”
Nan Hee’s eyes grew out of anger. “That baby? That baby happens to be yours! Don’t you dare speak about our daughter like that,” she cried out.
Somehow Micky suddenly felt guilty after seeing the hurt and angry look on Nan Hee’s face. He wanted to take back what he said. But immediately decided it was better to be act tough than fall into her deception.
“Look, if you don’t want to be hurt anymore. Just get out and leave… I want you to leave my life permanently. Disappear… just like what you did before. You didn’t have any conscience when you left me years ago, so just do it once again. That way… we can all live peacefully,” Micky said as he combed his hand through his hair.
Nan Hee stared lovingly at Micky, and smiled with tears still visible in her eyes.
Micky noticed her and got more frustrated. “What are you smiling at? Am I starting to look funny, is that it?”
Nan Hee shook her head and smiled again, but this time with bitterness and sadness. “No, it’s just that… it’s been so long since the last time I saw you get frustrated that you brush your hand through your hand. It’s been your habit, whenever you get angry or frustrated… And I smiled, because I couldn’t believe that you’re still the same…” she tried to explain.
Micky stopped and started to think about what Nan Hee said. “So she still remembers… maybe she really does… still care about me,” he quickly thought to himself. Then he shook his head as if to wake himself up. “No, I am already married. I… I love Muko…. I can’t possibly think about Nan Hee now,” he tried to tell himself over and over again.
Nan Hee sobbed and let out her tears. “Fine, I’ll go. But before I go, can you please hear me out first? I want to clear up something… even if for the last time,” she begged.
Micky turned away and started to look at another direction. Somehow he couldn’t bear to see Nan Hee crying. There was still a part of him that actually cared about the woman sitting in front of him. And he was very scared that the more he looked at her, the more his feelings would start to come back. “Clear out something? What? Don’t tell me you’re going to convince me to come back to you again? I won’t do that you know… I am already married and I don’t have any intention of hurting my wife because of you,” he said with a raised tone.
Nan Hee bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. She never expected everything to be this hard. Somehow she was expecting that once he came back into Micky’s life and he learned about their baby, everything would change. She finally opened her eyes after a few seconds of silence. “Hear me out first… then I’ll go and I will never appear in front of you again,” she said with a pitiful tone.
“Fine… speak… Then afterwards, I want you to leave me alone… “ he said coldly.
Nan Hee lowered her head in total defeat. She knew she could no longer get him back. Now she knew that he her so much that it was difficult to change.
“That night… when we were supposed to have a special dinner…” she started to speak.
“Stop… I don’t want to hear anymore of your lies and excuses…. That night you suddenly disappeared and walked out of my life without any reason… was the night that you killed me. Do you know how long I waited for you? The restaurant already closed but I was still waiting for you outside… And when I tried calling you, you had somehow switched off your phone… that’s when I became so worried that I quickly rushed to your apartment…. Do you know I even woke up your neighbors just to ask where you were or if they had seen you… That was when they told me… that you had left…” he then stopped talking because his voice was starting to sound like he was about to cry. The pain he had locked up inside was starting to rush out and he was having difficulty in controlling his feelings.
Tears flowed down from Nan Hee’s eyes. She quickly stood up and knelt down in front of Micky. She then lowered her head and started to cry again. “I… I am sorry… I knew what I did was wrong. But believe me, I didn’t really want to leave you… It’s just that… that…”
“What? You left me! I didn’t know why you suddenly decided to pack and leave without any reason and without even a goodbye. Do you know how much you hurt me? Do you know how many days and nights I cried and kept on searching for you? Do you know all the crazy things I did just to forget you? Tell me, what did I do to deserve that kind of treatment? Did I do anything wrong? Did I hurt you in anyway? Did you find another man and suddenly felt the need to run off with him? Tell me! I want to know….” Micky shouted as tears finally escaped from his eyes as the feelings that he had been hiding had found its way out.
Nan Hee looked up at Micky and her heart was crushed as soon as she saw his tears. “I didn’t want to leave. But… during that time, I badly needed a large amount of money. My mother was sick and she needed an operation… And then, when the president of your company learned that you were planning to propose to me that night… he suddenly offered me a very large amount of money just to leave you… The money was enough for my mother’s operation and enough for me to start my life in another country… and so I… didn’t have any choice… Your president said that if you married at that time, it would mean the end of your career and also the career of your whole group. And I didn’t want that. He also said that I was just a hindrance to your success and if continued to stay in your life, there would come a time that you would eventually fall down. I loved you and I knew your career is your life and I didn’t want you to lose that. I don’t know… Maybe I was crazy or just confused at that time but somehow I was thinking that it was the best for the both of us. But please understand, I only wanted to save my mother and I also wanted to do what was right for you.” she explained in between sobs.
“Do you really think that I would believe what you’re saying?” Micky asked in a mocking manner. Somehow he was trying to deny everything that he had heard.
Nan Hee stared at him. “I knew there was a chance that you wouldn’t believe me… So I decided to prepare everything before I went here… I want to prove to you that I am not lying…” she said as she took two pieces of paper from her pocket. “Here… “she said as she placed the papers in Micky’s hands. With trembling hands, Micky slowly opened and read the papers he was holding. One of the papers was an agreement signed by their president and Nan Hee. She was to be given a large amount of money, in exchange she was supposed to leave the country with her mother and was never to return again. And the other paper was a birth certificate… the birth certificate of his daughter.
“You were already pregnant… when you left?” Micky couldn’t help but ask. Nan Hee sobbed again and then nodded. “I didn’t know I was pregnant at that time. I was already in the US when I realized I was carrying your child. I am sorry… If I had known that I was carrying our baby, maybe… I would have made a different decision. I know I was wrong… But believe me, I only did what was best at the time.”
Micky felt like his world was crumbling. Slowly he felt very weak… He never expected the truth to hurt so much. He slowly fell down on his knees and started to weep…
“Do you know how much I hated you for leaving me? Do you know how much I longed for you?” he said with a quivering voice.
Nan Hee slowly moved closer to him. “I am sorry Micky. I am so sorry… I was so desperate back then… and I didn’t know what else to do,” she uttered as she cupped Micky’s face with her hands.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you? You didn’t have to leave,” Micky uttered slowly.
Nan Hee shook her head. “I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t ask your help since I knew you were also taking care of a lot of problems in your family. You were also taking care of your family’s financial needs. I didn’t want to burden you with my own problem. So I ended up choosing the easiest solution… and I also ended up hurting you… And I am sorry for that.”
Micky wept and suddenly drew Nan Hee into his arms. “I am sorry too. I am sorry that I wasn’t able to help during the time that you needed me the most.”
Nan Hee returned Micky’s embrace. “I am the one to be blamed. You didn’t know. I was the one who made the mistake. So you don’t have to say sorry for anything. Let’s just start all over again… You, me and our baby.”
Micky continued to cry. He had been holding the pain for such a very long time now and it was finally time to release it. As Micky and Nan Hee were wrapped in each other’s arms, a hurt soul was crying silently behind the door leading to the living room.
Max who had suddenly decided to follow Muko, quickly became curious as to what was going on. He carefully looked into the living room and was shocked to see his friend in Nan Hee’s arms. He was instantly gripped with pity for Muko. Without any second thoughts, he carefully took Muko into his arms and silently tried to console her.
Muko cried continuously in another man’s arms, the same way the man she loved was wrapped up in another woman’s embrace. She was just starting to learn how to love and now everything was starting to become so complicated. She never expected loving someone was going to be this hard. She always thought love was made up of sunny and happy memories…. Now she knew she was wrong.
“Don’t worry, everything will work out… Don’t cry… I am here,” Max said in a very comforting voice.
“Everything will work out? How? Maybe I did make a mistake in coming into his life… Maybe if I hadn’t appeared, maybe he can be finally be happy with the one he really love. Maybe I should just end the mistake as soon as possible, for everyone’s sake. I think this is God’s way of telling me I made a mistake and I should just return to where I truly belong,” Muko suddenly thought as her tears continued to flow.
CHAPTER 38
Fate slowly entered the shopping mall with a feeling of uneasiness. Norman allowed her to go out on her own. And somehow she was already feeling that something was wrong. She was already asking herself why Norman was suddenly being nice and was actually letting her have some freedom. She sighed heavily. “Maybe he’s just feeling guilty all of a sudden,” the thought quickly rushed into her mind. She then started to look around. “Maybe he just sent someone to look after me secretly,” she then thought again. She then lightly laughed. “I am beginning to be paranoid.”
She had already bought several items when something caught her attention. It was a light blue baby dress. It was like a knife instantly struck her heart. A very deep and numbing pain filled her whole body. She immediately turned away and tried to forget what she saw. But a small voice was somehow echoing in the back of her mind.
Tears quickly formed in her eyes, and she rushed out of the shopping mall. But before she could call for a taxi, a familiar car suddenly stopped in front of her.
“Get in… please,” the man inside the car said as if begging. Fate looked at the man and was about to turn away when…
“Get in! I need to talk to you. If you don’t talk to me, I will do something both of us will surely regret in the end,” the man said again with a more forceful voice.
Fate couldn’t help but look at the man again. She instantly saw the desperation and she quickly knew that he wasn’t lying. So she quietly got into the car just to avoid any problems.
“What do you want Max?” Fate uttered quickly as soon as she was inside the car. Somehow she didn’t have any plans of talking to him longer than needed.
“Why are you still so cold to me?” Max asked with a low voice. Fate couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. “Now you’re asking me such a question? Don’t you think you got it all wrong? You were the one who acted so coldly before. And you did it because of all the wrong reasons. You know I still can’t forget how you treated me. So don’t go acting so sweet and nice on me because it won’t work.”
Max felt like something suddenly got stuck in his throat. He knew that Fate had a reason to hate him. But he was still going to try to win her back, no matter how hard it was.
“Look, I want to talk to you… I heard you’re getting married in a few days. Please let me talk to you… even if it’s the last time. I know you can’t forgive all the horrible things I did to you. But please just let me have some time to explain and to ask for your forgiveness,” Max uttered while still trying to concentrate on driving.
Fate looked straight at the road they were going. “Where are you taking me?” she suddenly asked.
“Somewhere… don’t worry. I won’t do anything stupid. Just like what I said before. I just want to talk to you. So please just give me some time, please hear me out. I really want to clear out a few things before… before…” Max stopped talking. He couldn’t continue what he was supposed to say.
“Before I get married and I finally get you out of my life?” Fate said sarcastically. Max felt a sharp pain in his heart. His sweet Fate has changed. And he was the one to blame. He knew he had totally destroyed the life of the only woman he had loved.
“Can’t you even try to be civil with me? Am I that repulsive now in your eyes?” Max asked suddenly.
Fate suddenly felt pity for the man sitting beside her. She still loved him, but there was a big wall between them now. A wall that wasn’t easy to get over.
“Please Max, just forget everything that happened. I am already trying to move on. So you should also do the same. It’s not only for my sake, but also for your own sake as well… and for everyone’s sake. Just find a new girl, and forget that you ever met me,” Fate tried to say even though her words were like knives that were cutting her slowly.
“I have a surprise for you,” Max suddenly said, as if trying to change their topic.
“Surprise?” Fate asked, quite surprised. She knew that Max was acting very weird and somehow she was getting worried. “I need to go back Max. Please stop the car,” Fate uttered with a low voice. But he just kept on driving as if he didn’t hear anything, somehow his mind was somewhere else.
“Max, please let me go back. What’s wrong with you?” Fate asked with worry. It was only then she noticed the smell of liquor around Max. “You’re drunk?”
Max smiled bitterly. “So now you notice,” he said as he suddenly laughed in a mocking manner.
“You’re getting yourself drunk now? Don’t you even care about your reputation anymore? What if the media finds you drinking in a bar and suddenly takes your picture again? Aren’t you concerned that your actions will surely affect your friends too?” Fate started to lecture Max.
“I really don’t care about what the others think. All I care about is you,” Max replied.
Fate suddenly didn’t know what to say next. Somehow she was lost for words. “Where are we going Max?” she then repeated.
Max just stared straight at the road again. He was acting like he wasn’t hearing what she was saying.
“Max, I need to go home now!” Fate shouted. She was already feeling nervous with the way Max was acting.
“Just relax. I just want to show you something. Can’t you at least trust me?” Max said with a hurt tone in his voice.
Fate felt a sharp pain in her heart and somehow she pitied the man sitting beside her. She slowly looked at him. If only she could hold his face like the way she used to. How she wished she could still hold him in her arms and caress his hair whenever they were close to each other. She quickly turned away. She didn’t want to remember those thoughts. She needed to forget. She needed to pretend that she was already moving on. She needed to hurt him in order to save him.
She then stared out of the window of the car. Somehow the place was starting to look familiar. It was then something suddenly made sense….
“We’re going to the race track?” Fate asked curiously.
Max couldn’t help but smile. “I just want to bring you to a very special place. And somehow the race track is the only thing that comes into my mind.”
Fate slowly looked at him. “Why Max? It’s over. We can no longer get back what we have already lost. Let’s just stop before we end up hurting each other again. I already forgot about what happened. Please don’t make me remember them again. It’s too painful. Can you please just let me go?”
Max bit on his lower lip. Somehow he didn’t expect to hear those words from Fate. He was hoping that she would forgive him and give him another chance.
“Are… are you really sure that you want to forget… about us? Are you sure you want to forget me?” he asked with a quivering voice.
Fate closed her eyes. She didn’t want him to see what she was really feeling. “Oh Max… if I can only hold you once again… Do you know how much I miss you? Do you have any idea how long I have been dreaming of being close to you again? Can’t you feel the longing in my voice?” she couldn’t stop herself from thinking all those things.
“We’re here,” Max said as he slowly parked the car.
Fate opened her eyes again. And this time she looked straight at him. “What do you want Max? I am already getting married in a few days. Can’t you just be happy for me? Can’t you give me what I want? I don’t love you anymore. So please just leave me alone. You don’t have to bring me here so that I can remember our past. Honestly I would rather forget the past than remember it. Because no matter what I do, when I see you… I remember the child I lost. And somehow I can never forgive you. Even if my heart and my mind keeps telling me that I already forgave you… there is still that small part of me that always hates you. So you see… there is nothing else to return to. The love you’re trying to get back is no longer there. Please… for everyone’s sake, just let me go back. I no longer belong to you. You should just find another girl….” Fate suddenly stopped talking. Somehow it was quite difficult for her to say the words that she wanted to say.
Max shook his head. “I can never let you go. I know I was a fool when I did those things. And I admit I was wrong. But everyone deserves a second chance. Why can’t you just give me another chance? I am really sorry for all the wrong things that I have done. Just tell me what you want so you can forgive me and I will do it immediately. Tell me… please…” he begged.
Fate felt her heart had suddenly felt heavy. She quickly got out of the car and was about to walk away when Max suddenly grabbed her by the arm and embraced her tight.
“I love you Fate. Please… let’s start all over again. I don’t think I can live without you. So please come back to me. I promise, this time I will take good care of you. And I will never hurt you again. Please… please say you will take me back…” Max said with the most pitiful voice.
The familiar scent of Max’s favorite cologne made Fate’s heart skip a beat. She was so close to him now that she could almost hear his heart beat. And it was making all her senses go wild. She tried to push Max away. But he just kept on holding her tighter.
“Max, please let me go!” she shouted.
“No! I promised myself that I will never let you go once I have you in my arms again. And I plan to do whatever it takes to keep that promise…“
And with those words, Max quickly placed a wet handkerchief over Fate’s face. After a few minutes, he carefully placed the unconscious Fate back into the car. He knew what he did was the worst of all the things that he had done. But he had no choice. He knew that he couldn’t convince Fate to return to him, so he had to do it. He had to do something even if it meant doing something bad.
“I am sorry Fate. But I can’t lose you. I won’t let another man take you away from me…”
