Hurting Inside - Biv De Vera CHAPTER 10
“What do you think happened to Ellie?” Micky asked the others while they were inside the elevator. They were already going to their apartment to rest.
“I’m also wondering what happened to her. She’s been absent for 4 days now. Some of the staff members are already complaining. They’re having a hard time since she’s not around. They can’t easily make decisions about revising certain scenes and dialogues in the script,” U-Know uttered with a sigh.
“Sorry. I know it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have approached her. Then all of this wouldn’t have happened,” Jaejoong uttered with a low voice.
“Hey hyung, it’s not your fault. Let’s just forget about it. Anyway I heard that Ellie’s friend, Samar already sent word that she’s just sick and will be back in no time. And I also heard that the management already allowed Ellie two weeks to rest. They really don’t want to let go of her, since her name is really a big attraction to this project,” Max uttered.
“Two weeks? Really? Then I guess our agreement can now be considered null or void,” Micky said with a light laugh.
Xiah couldn’t help but laugh as well. “What a way to have a girlfriend.” Micky sighed. “And I really thought that I would be able to spend some time with her. I really do like her. And I just want to know her better.”
“Well you can still spend some time with her . . . in your dreams,” U-Know teased.
The other boys laughed. And they happily stepped out of the elevator. They were already near their apartment when they noticed someone was waiting for them.
“Samar, what are you doing here?” Micky asked with concern as soon as they approached her.
Samar looked at Micky, then at Jaejoong. “I’m here because of Ellie. But first, I need to clear our something.”
“Clear out . . . what?” Micky asked again.
“I have to ask Jaejoong something,” Samar replied.
“Ask me what?” Jaejoong asked suddenly.
Samar gave Jaejoong a serious look. She then took a deep breath before finally speaking. “I want to ask if you know someone named Lena . . . and what is your relationship with her?”
“Lena? Did I hear that right? You said Lena? Where is she? Do you know where she is? Can you take me to her?” Jaejoong continuously gave out questions. He was suddenly excited. Somehow he was thinking that he was going to see her again.
Samar shook her head. “Answer me first. Do you know Lena? I want to know your relationship with her. . . and the last time the two of you were together and how the two of you got separated.”
Eventhough Jaejoong was puzzled by Samar’s questions, he still tried to answer her even if it was hard for him. “Lena is my childhood friend back in Korea. She was fourteen . . . no, fifteen . . . the last time I saw her . . . It was her birthday, the last day I saw her. . . . And she was being rushed to the emergency room of a hospital. After that . . . I never saw her again.” Samar stared at Jaejoong. She could easily see the pain in his eyes. “What’s her full name?” she asked again.
“Lena Kim . . . why?” Jaejoong asked curiously.
Samar bent down her head and closed her eyes for a few seconds before looking at Jaejoong again. “Look, I want to know . . do you really want to see her again? I’m warning you. She’s no longer the girl that you used to know. A lot of things have changed . . . And there are some things that you will need to know before you can fully understand her. Once you see her, you might not even believe it is her . . . She’s changed physically, emotionally and mentally. Are you still willing to see her?”
“Yes, please . . . yes. I don’t care if she’s changed. I just want to see her again,” Jaejoong answered with extreme happiness.
Samar nodded. “If you really want to see her, then you will need to come with me. And I suggest you bring your friends as well. They will also need to learn the truth.”
The DBSK boys quickly exchanged glances with one another. They were all intrigued with the words that Samar said. They all wanted to ask some questions, but they just decided to keep quiet and follow her until they reached their destination.
Samar and the DBSK boys arrived at an apartment building not far from where the boys were staying.
“You guys are staying here? What a coincidence . . . this place is very near our place,” Max uttered as he tried to start a conversation.
Samar just stayed silent which made Max more uncomfortable.
Somehow the atmosphere among them was very tensed.
They were already in front of the apartment door when Samar spoke again. “Once we enter . . . I want all of you to promise that everything you see and hear . . . you will all keep as a secret. If you can’t promise . . . then I suggest . . . you leave now.”
“Don’t worry. We are all trustworthy. . . We will certainly keep whatever secret you have inside . . . Please, let me see Lena,” Jaejoong uttered with a serious tone.
“Very well, I trust your words,” Samar uttered.
As Samar and the DBSK boys slowly entered the apartment unit, Krizzia immediately greeted them.
“You’re here,” she uttered as she gave a quick glance at the boys. “So it’s confirmed? He’s Ellie’s friend?” she then asked Samar.
Samar nodded. “Please let’s all sit down. There are some things we need to clear out first,” she said to the boys. As soon as everyone sat down in the living room . . . .
“Where is Lena?” Jaejoong asked impatiently.
“Please don’t be shocked with what I’m going to tell you,” Samar started to say.
“Tell me what?” Jaejoong asked. He was already feeling agitated just waiting.
“Ellie . . . is Lena Kim,” Krizzia suddenly blurted out.
“What?” Jaejoong asked out loud in total disbelief.
“Ellie and Lena are the same person,” Krizzia repeated.
“But how?” Jaejoong asked again.
“But how . . . what? But how did she become like that? Or . . . but how did she changed her appearance? You should know . . . it’s your fault,” Krizzia said sarcastically.
“Krizzia . . . please . . . I know you’re mad at him. But your anger will only complicate things,” Samar tried to reason with her friend.
Krizzia looked away. “I’m sorry . . . I’m just going to stay in Ellie’s room. I don’t think I can handle being here when you start narrating Ellie’s past,” she uttered before leaving the room.
“Why is it I’m having a weird feeling about what you’re going to tell us?” Micky asked with a serious look on his face.
Samar sighed. “Look, what I’m going to tell you will surely shock and even disturb your thoughts and your lives forever. . . But I just want all of you to know one important thing . . . Ellie is a human being that should be respected and treated fairly. After you guys hear her story . . . I wouldn’t be surprised if you suddenly regard or treat her in a different manner.”
“Why are you saying those kind of things? What happened to Lena? Why did she become Ellie?” Jaejoong asked nervously.
Samar took a deep and long breath before looking straight at Jaejoong.
“Please tell me what’s wrong with Lena,” Jaejoong begged.
“Do you still remember the night that you found her?” Samar asked.
Jaejoong’s eyes suddenly became wild with shock.
“The night I found her?” he asked as if trying to deny what he knew.
Samar shook her head. She was somehow totally lost as well. She tried to gather the courage to continue with what she was supposed to say. “Six years ago . . . a young girl was in a park waiting patiently for her friend. It was her birthday . . . and they were supposed to go out and celebrate. So she waited and waited . . . but her friend didn’t show up. Until evening came . . . it was already dark . . . but she still waited. Until . . . a group of young men came and suddenly started harassing her. The young girl tried to fight . . . but she was too weak compared with the boys who were holding her. . .” Samar suddenly stopped talking. It was really very hard for her to tell Ellie’s story. It was like she was the one who was dying inside as she narrated everything that happened to her friend.
“Then what happened?” Micky asked. Somehow he couldn’t explain the way his heart was beating heavily after hearing the story that Samar told them.
“The girl tried to beg . . . and she tried to fight . . . and she even tried to scream . . . but it was no use . . . Within minutes, she was brutally molested . . . and raped . . . over and over again by those young boys. And after the boys were finished with her, they even tried to kill her. One of the boys took hold of the girl’s head and kept on hitting her head on the ground where she laid,” Samar again stopped talking. She was trying to stop herself from crying since she was already seeing Ellie’s pitiful image in her mind.
Jaejoong felt like he wanted to throw up. Images of Lena lying on the ground with her clothes all torn up and blood covering her face and body quickly filled hi mind. The images were making him mad with pain and regret, His whole body was trembling and his mind was spinning. He wanted to scream and hit himself over and over again. It was all his fault. He neglected her and it cost her . . . her entire life. He knew even if he begged for her forgiveness a million times, it still wouldn’t be able to erase the pain and return what she had lost. He was a fool . . . a totally undeserving friend. He suddenly cried out.
“Jae,” U-Know uttered with worry.
“I . . . I am sorry. I didn’t know. Believe me . . . I didn’t mean to do it. I just forgot . . . I just forgot about . . . . her birthday. I didn’t mean to do it. Please you have to believe me,” Jaejoong uttered as he pitifully cried
The other DBSK boys didn’t know what to do. Their hearts were all heavy with pity for both Jaejoong and Ellie.
Micky just looked away in another direction. Somehow he couldn’t bear to see his friend cry in such a heartbreaking way. A tear had already fallen from his eye, and he was trying to hide the rest of his tears from the others.
As for Max, he just closed his eyes and bent down his head. Jaejoong’s cry was too much to take. It also brought tears to his eyes. . . tears that he knew were not only for his friend but for the girl his friend had been searching for.
Also very much affected, Xiah bit down on his lower lip. He was trying to control himself. But his tears were already filling his eyes. He couldn’t believe that such a terrible fate could happen to someone so close to Jaejoong. He could feel the anguish that his friend was feeling right at that moment. And it was something that was killing him as well.
“Jae, it’s not your fault. You have to be strong. Please get a hold of yourself. She needs you now,” were the words that U-Know tried to utter. But deep inside, he knew that if he was the one in Jaejoong’s shoes, he would surely be in a more anguished state.
Jaejoong continued to cry. He felt like his heart was going to explode any moment. He knew about that story . . . he knew it all too well. But he was just trying to make himself believe that it wasn’t real. He didn’t want to accept reality and made himself pretend as if he knew nothing about what really happened. He couldn’t accept it . . . he didn’t want to accept it . . . eventhough the truth was already laid down infront of him.
“Hyung,” Max uttered with worry as he touched his friend’s shoulder.
Jaejoong suddenly stood up and quickly took hold of Samar’s hand. “Please let me see her. I . . . I want to ask her forgiveness . . . I . . . I want to make up to her. Please, I am begging you,” he uttered with a quivering voice.
Samar sadly stared at Jaejoong. Now she knew that Ellie wasn’t the only one who suffered. Jaejoong had also carried such a painful burden for the passed six years.
“Jaejoong, Lena is no longer the girl you know. She’s changed. And right now, she’s in a bad state. That’s why Krizzia and I decided to reveal everything to you. We badly need your help. And somehow we think you and Micky would be able to help us in dealing with Lena,” Samar said softly.
“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Micky asked with concern.
“She’s gone into a withdrawn state again. She’s totally lost herself. She won’t respond to anything we say or do. Honestly we are in a state of panic right now. Lena’s parents don’t know that she’s returned to her previous mental condition. Krizzia and I are both afraid that if we tell them about Lena, they will immediately lock her up again in a mental institution,” Samar explained.
“What? A . . . a mental institution?” Jaejoong asked as different thoughts were crossing his mind. Everything was happening too fast . . . and everything was somehow too painful to bear.
Samar smiled bitterly. “Yes, a mental institution. Right after that incident, Lena went into a state of shock. She was totally unresponsive for more than a year. Then she developed sudden and violent mood swings. Her parents didn’t know what to do with her so she was sent into a mental institution.”
Jaejoong felt like he was going crazy himself. Everything about Lena was totally unbelievable. He couldn’t imagine the sweet and cheerful Lena he grew up was now a broken soul with so much pain and hatred in her heart. “Please let me see her,” he begged again.
Samar looked at Jaejoong once more then nodded. She slowly stood up. “Follow me, but please try to control yourself once you see her. And remember . . . you’re not allowed to touch her.”
Jaejoong and the other DBSK boys quickly followed Samar into a room.
“Where is she?” Samar asked Krizzia.
Krizzia slowly looked at the corner of the room where Ellie was silently sitting. She was still staring blankly infront of her and was somehow uttering something in a very low voice.
As soon as Jaejoong saw Lena, he felt like his entire world had collapsed. He knew he wasn’t ready to face her. He didn’t know where to start and how to ask for her forgiveness. He bit down on his lower lip to stop himself from crying. But his whole body was already shaking. He was so ashamed of himself. He felt so undeserving to face her again.
He continued to stare at her pitiful condition . . . and bit by bit . . . his heart just kept on shattering up to a point he couldn’t control himself any longer. With heavy footsteps, he started to approach Lena. Krizzia wanted to stop him but Samar quickly signaled her to allow him to get close to Lena. And as he stood in front of her, his tears quickly rushed out again. He then knelt down in front of her . . . face to face . . . he continued to stare at the friend he had been searching and missing for the passed six years.
“Lena,” he softly uttered. But she just continued to look right through him. Slowly he tried to reach for her. He wanted to touch her face, but he quickly drew his hand away after remembering he wasn’t allowed to touch her. Somehow this added more pain in his heart. How he had missed her and it was maddening for him not to be able to hold her in his arms or touch her like the way he used to. He quickly wiped his tears away and tried to smile at her. “Lena, it’s me . . . It’s me . . . Jaejoong . . . Please . . . say you still remember me.”
But she just continued to stare as if she didn’t hear anything or see anyone.
Jaejoong closed his eyes. He wanted to find more strength inside of him. He wanted to continue facing her. He wanted to be with her and he wanted to pay for his sins. . . .
He slowly bent down his head. And slowly his tears started to fall . . . .
“I am sorry . . . I know even if I say it a million times, I won’t be able to make up for what I did to you . . . I know everything is my fault. I should be the one to take the blame for what happened to you. I’m sorry . . .” he cried out while his whole body trembled.
Samar, Krizzia and the other DBSK boys couldn’t help but cry as well. They could easily feel the pain that both Ellie and Jaejoong were feeling.
“Lena, please . . . say something. Scream at me . . . Throw something at me . . . . . Hurt me . . . I will accept everything . . . But please just return to me . . . I miss you. Do you know how long I have missed you? I totally went mad with worry after I found out that you had left Korea. I wanted to see you . . . but I didn’t even know where to start searching for you. Lena . . . . please forgive me. I will do anything you want . . . I will do everything for you. . . Please don’t be like this. It’s hurting me so much to see you like this. I . . . I am willing to give up everything I have now . . . just say you’ll come back to me. I want us to be like the way we used to be . . . before. We can just pretend . . . We can pretend that nothing happened. We can go back to our old ways . . . and be happy. Please . . .” he begged with such anguish in his voice.
Suddenly . . . . Lena started to talk . . . . as if talking to an imaginary person.
“Jaejoong . . . . he was my friend . . . but not anymore . . . We were supposed to go out on my birthday. So I waited in the park,” she said with a smile. “I waited and waited . . . I waited for hours. I knew he was with his girlfriend, but I still waited. I still believed that he wouldn’t forget about me. I’m his best friend, you see. He said I was the only girl that would have a special place in his heart. But . . .” suddenly the smile disappeared from her lips. “No Jaejoong came . . . I guess he was so busy with his girl . . . I am no longer needed in his life. But I still waited . . . I believed in him . . . I knew he wouldn’t let me down.”
Then tears quickly flowed down from Lena’s eyes. . . .
“I waited . . . until . . . . they . . . came. . . . They asked me what I was doing in the park and if I was waiting for someone. I said I was waiting for Jaejoong. But they all laughed. They said it was already dark and he wasn’t going to show up. I said Jaejoong would come . . . But they all laughed again. Then one of the guys approached me . . . He started to touch my face . . . I tried to move away from him. But one of his friends already took hold of me. . . .”
Jaejoong stared at Lena as she narrated her story . . . His heart was already screaming because of the pain he was feeling.
More tears fell from Lena’s eyes . . . “Then they started to pull on my clothes. I screamed but one of them hit me . . . I screamed again . . . But one of them stuffed a piece of cloth in my mouth . . . Then . . . then . . . they pulled me down on the ground and started touching me . . . raping me . . . one by one . . . . over and over again . . . . I wanted to cry out and scream but I couldn’t. I was praying so hard that Jaejoong would come and save me . . . I prayed so many times . . . But he didn’t come. He didn’t really care about me . . . He left me alone . . .”
Jaejoong quickly cried again. He felt like he wanted to die right at that moment.
“They raped me . . . over and over and over . . . . They touched me with their filthy hands. . . over and over and over . . . I just accepted everything and wished that they would kill me afterwards,” she then stopped talking and smiled. “Do you know when they started hitting my head on the ground, I was rejoicing? I said I was finally going to die. After what they did to me . . . I no longer had any right to live. At least, they were kind enough to end my misery. . . . “
“Lena . . . . no . . . no . . . please don’t say that,” Jaejoong uttered as tears flowed out of his eyes.
“As I closed my eyes . . . and embraced the darkness . . . . I couldn’t understand why I was still thinking about Jaejoong. I was still wondering where he was . . . and why he didn’t come . . . He was my best friend . . . My very best friend . . . . . but . . . I was wrong. I thought he cared about me . . . I was wrong. . . . I was very wrong . . .” she uttered again as if she was talking to someone.
“Lena, you’re not wrong. I care about you . . . I care about you . . . Do you hear me? I love you . . . I was just too late to realize it . . . I just realized it after I had already lost you. Lena, please say you understand what I am saying . . . I love you,” Jaejoong uttered as he finally broke down into an uncontrollable sob.
Suddenly . . . Lena started to cry uncontrollably as well.
“I want to die! I want to die! Why did I have to live? Why did he save me? He should have just left me there . . . to die. I hate him! I hate him! I hate you . . . Jaejoong. I can never forgive you . . . Why did you save me? You should have just let me die!” she started to scream while tears continued to flow out of her eyes.
Jaejoong felt like he had just died after hearing those words. He couldn’t accept what he heard. The girl he had been longing for . . . now hates him. It was too painful.
Krizzia quickly went to Lena’s side. “I think you should leave Jaejoong. . . . please. She needs to rest.”
Jaejoong looked at Krizzia, then at Lena. She was still crying.
U-Know also went to Jaejoong’s side and quickly helped him up. “Come on, Jae. Give her sometime to rest,” he uttered with concern. Jaejoong looked at U-Know. “But . . .”
U-Know shook his head. “There will be another time Jae . . . She can’t handle anymore pressure . . . Please let’s just go . . .” he tried to say.
Jaejoong gave Lena one last look before finally going out of the room. And as soon as he was outside, he finally released all the pain he was feeling. He screamed and cried out in the most pitiful and heartbreaking way.
U-Know immediately took Jaejoong into his arms and tried to comfort him. He knew it was the only way he could help him. And as Jaejoong continued to weep, all the hearts of the other DBSK members wept with him as well. It was then that Samar appeared. . . .
“I am sorry Jaejoong. I know it must be very painful for you,” she softly said.
Jaejoong tried to stop himself from crying. “How can I help? What should I do to make her better? You said you needed our help . . . What can I do to help her? Please tell me . . . I will do anything.”
Samar shook her head slowly. “Frankly . . . it is Micky who can help Lena. He’s the only man who can touch her. So he’s the one who should be able to help her.”
“How can I help?” Micky asked quickly.
“Continue with your deal with Lena. Be her boyfriend. . . Help her to learn . . . how to trust again. Make her feel how good it is to be with a man again. If possible . . . make her fall in love again . . .” Samar answered without any hesitation.
Micky was stunned with what he heard. “You’re joking right?”
Samar shook her head. “You’re our last hope. So far . . . you’re the only man whom we met who can actually touch her without causing any problems. That’s why we are doing this. We are already very desperate.”
“I’m sorry . . . but I don’t think I can take on such a serious matter all by myself. I’m sorry but I don’t think I can do it,” Micky said with a confused look on his face.
Samar nodded. “Very well, we won’t force you. We just wanted to try everything first . . . before we inform her parents about her situation,” she said sadly.
Jaejoong worriedly looked at Samar, then at Micky. He quickly approached him and unexpectedly knelt down in front of him.
“Jae. . . what are you doing?” Micky asked, quite surprised. “Please help Lena… I know I am asking too much from you. But I love her and I want her to get well again. And if you are the only one who can help cure her. . . then I am willing to do anything . . . just say yes,” Jaejoong said while his head bent down.
Micky looked at U-Know, Xiah and Max, as if asking for help. But they just shook their heads as if to say they couldn’t do anything.
“Jaejoong, do you even understand what you are asking of me? And even if I agree . . . this isn’t just a game like before. I easily agreed to Lena’s condition before because there isn’t any serious involvement in the deal. . . But in this case, everything is serious and has consequences. Do you know what those consequences are? Are you willing to suffer more? Are you willing to get hurt in the process?” Micky asked with concern and pity.
Jaejoong looked seriously at Micky. “Please I am begging you. Help me. I don’t care about the consequences. I am willing to bear them all if I have to. I don’t care if I get hurt . . . what matters most is that she gets well. I am willing to do anything just to have her back in my life. Please Micky . . . help me to get her back,” he begged.
Micky looked away. He didn’t want to see the sadness and pain in Jaejoong’s eyes. He didn’t want to agree. He knew there will be a more complicated problem if he agrees.
“I’m sorry . . . but I can’t,” he slowly uttered.
“Please Micky. . .”Jaejoong uttered with a cry. He was desperate and he was willing to sacrifice even his own happiness.
Micky shook his head. He was totally confused. Somehow his heart was telling him to accept, but his mind was also telling him not to. He then took a long deep breath, before finally speaking again.
“Are you willing to take a chance Jaejoong?” he suddenly asked.
“What do you mean?” Jaejoong asked curiously.
“Are you willing to take a chance? What if I do agree to help you and Lena . . . . and in the process I also fall in love with her? Are you willing to take that chance? What if I do help her . . . and I never return her back to you? Do you think you can accept that? There are a lot of consequences in what you are asking me to do. So please first make sure that you know what you are doing,” Micky uttered seriously.
Jaejoong tried to smile. “I know . . . You don’t have to remind me of those things. I am prepared for the consequences and the pain. She means so much to me . . . . and if giving her up is the only way I can help her . . . then I am willing to do so. I am prepared to bear all the pain as long as I know she’s happy and well again.”
Micky felt like something was stuck in his throat. He wanted to say something but somehow he didn’t know how to say it.
“Please help Lena . . .” Jaejoong uttered again.
Micky quickly turned his back away from where Jaejoong was kneeling. “Get up. . . or I might suddenly change my mind again. All right, I will help you . . . and Lena. But I am warning you, I won’t be responsible if by chance she falls in love with me or worst I fall in love with her. I hope you got your heart all tied up before we start this plan of yours. Because honestly I don’t have any intention of picking up the broken pieces of your heart once this is all over,” he uttered as he slowly walked away.
Jaejoong stared at his friend. “Don’t worry . . . you don’t have to worry about my heart. It’s been shattered and thrown away . . . years ago. Just help Lena. I know she will never return to me. . . but I am still willing to bear the pain as long as I know she’s happy and safe,” he sadly uttered in his mind.
Wherever You Are.mp3 - Southborder CHAPTER 9
“Ellie . . . Ellie,” Samar repeatedly called out. She then slowly entered Ellie’s room.
She quickly found her in a corner of the room . . . all crawled up as if afraid of something. She was continuously uttering something that Samar couldn’t understand.
“Ellie,” Samar uttered with worry. She quickly approached and embraced her. “What’s wrong? Why are you like this? Please Ellie . . . talk to me.”
Ellie stared at Samar. But somehow her stare just passed through her. It was as if she wasn’t seeing or hearing anything.
Fear immediately filled Samar’s heart.
“Krizzia, Krizzia . . . Come here quickly . . . Krizzia,” Samar started to shout. An hour later . . . .
Samar was staring out of the window. While Krizzia was sitting quietly near another window.
They were both confused on what they were supposed to do.
Ellie had somehow returned to her former mental state. She was totally unresponsive, no matter what they did or say to her.
Suddenly . . . Krizzia started crying. She felt so helpless. She wanted to help Ellie but there was nothing she could do.
“Krizzia, stop crying. Even if you cry a million times . . . it won’t solve our problem,” Samar uttered while also controlling her emotions.
“But I can’t help it. I feel so useless right now. She was already back to normal. And now . . . this happens . . . and she’s back to . . . to . . .” Krizzia stopped talking. She couldn’t continue what was on her mind.
Samar sighed. “We all know that she’s not fully recovered yet. The changes we saw before was just a façade she tried to put on. But we both know that deep inside . . . she still carries the scar of her past. Unless she learns to totally forget and forgive all the people who did those bad things to her . . . . I’m afraid she will forever live in her own dark world.”
Krizzia started to cry harder. It was very hard for her to accept Ellie’s situation.
“Samar, isn’t there a way we can help her? Come on . . . think of something. Maybe there is another therapy that we haven’t tried yet. Samar, I don’t think I can bear to see Ellie lose herself again. . . I don’t have the heart to see her suffer again . . .” Krizzia said in between sobs.
Samar lightly shook her head. “Krizzia … we are just nurses. We are not doctors and we are certainly not gods. Even doctors can’t help her. Remember she has already gone to a hundred doctors. And they all say the same thing. Ellie is the only one who can cure herself. She has to learn to let go of all the pain, anger and memories. Those are the things that trigger her sickness.”
“What do we do now? Should we tell her parents about her current situation?” Krizzia asked worriedly. “Please . . . if you’re planning to tell them. Just put it off for another day or two . . . Maybe she will be all right by this day or tomorrow. . . Please Samar.”
Samar sighed. “Honestly I am also afraid of calling her parents. I am sure the moment they learn that Ellie’s sick again. They will take her to an institution again. Just like you . . . I also pity her. I know she will become more sick if she goes into another institution again. But right now . . . we’re already out of options. We certainly can’t just sit around and watch her go back to her former mental state.”
Krizzia looked at Samar with disbelief in her eyes. “So you’re really going to call them? Come on, Samar. Please don’t . . . I’m begging you. Let’s try some other way first.”
Samar smiled bitterly. “What other way are you pertaining to? For the passed six years, we have been trying to find another way to cure or help her. But . . . we should just accept the truth. Her condition is really way beyond help.”
“No, I can’t accept that. She’s already like a sister to me. I love her with all my heart. And I will do everything just to help her,” Krizzia said with a serious tone.
Samar looked at her friend. Her eyes were already filled with tears as well. Somehow she couldn’t stop her tears anymore. “So do you think I don’t want to help her? God knows I would trade my life for her . . . that is how much I love her. Just like you . . . I also treat her like my own sister. And nothing would make me more happier than to see her totally cured and back to normal. But . . . we don’t have any choice now. We can’t pretend that she’s still okay and that there’s no problem.”
Krizzia lowered her head. “I’m sorry. I know you love her as well. I . . . I just wish that there is something else we can do for her.”
“Krizzia . . . there is still a way . . . I think,” Samar suddenly uttered.
“What?” Krizzia asked, quite surprised. She instantly tried to control her tears and sobbing. Then she stared at Samar with a serious expression on her face. “What way? Come on . . . tell me. Let’s try anything . . . everything,” she said as desperation quickly registered on her face.
“We haven’t really tried our very last option. But this will be very brutal and too drastic for Ellie. There is a big chance that once we do this . . . she will never forgive us,” Samar uttered.
“What? What are you saying? I don’t understand. What are you suggesting we do?” Krizzia asked, quite puzzled.
“Remember . . . there was once a doctor who suggested that one way of curing Ellie’s phobia would be to subject her to all the things that trigger it in the first place. . . sort of exposing her to all the things that she’s afraid of,” Samar answered.
“What? Are you serious? But that would be total torture for her. And how can we possibly do that?” Krizzia asked again.
“I’ve already consulted a doctor about this. And the way he suggested is . . . we must first talk to Jaejoong . . . We have to first make sure that he’s really the friend that Ellie had a few years ago,” Samar started to explain.
“Jaejoong? Why do we need to talk to him?” Krizzia asked with a raised tone.
“Because . . . if he’s really Ellie’s friend. . . then we need his help too. And the other guy’s help as well . . . the other one named Micky,” Samar continued.
“Now I’m getting confused. Why do we need their help? I’m not really getting what you’re saying,” Krizzia said with a more confused look on his face. Somehow all her tears had disappeared and were now replaced with a serious expression on her face.
Samar sighed. “First step, let’s make sure that Jaejoong is really Ellie’s friend. If he is, the we move on to the second step. . . which would be to reveal Ellie’s real identity . . . and everything about her from the moment of that incident to the present. After that . . . . we go to third step which is to make Jaejoong confront Ellie again. We have to help them make amends with each other. Somehow both me and the doctor I consulted agree that there is a chance that Ellie’s condition will somehow change once she forgives him. After we solve the problem regarding her best friend, we can then move on to the fourth step which would need the help of Micky. The doctor said thinks that Micky will be able to help cure Ellie’s phobia. We can ask Micky to interact more frequently with her. We can then make use of the fact that Ellie doesn’t respond violently to his touch. More physical interaction with a man will somehow lessen the degree of her phobia . . . little by little up to a point that she will be able to handle it already. . . or even to a point that it will be totally cured,” Samar explained thoroughly.
Krizzia stared at Samar with wide open eyes. She was shocked and amazed with what she just heard. She then slowly shook her head. “I really don’t know what to say . . . Is that really necessary? I mean . . . you’re going to tell Jaejoong about Ellie? I know there’s a chance that she’ll start committing suicide again after she learns that you’ve told Jaejoong about what really happened that night. You know how hard she tried to hide the truth from everyone. She even changed her name and face just for the sake of hiding it.”
“We have no choice. We have to make Jaejoong fully understand Ellie’s condition. And the only way to do it would be to reveal everything to him . . . to Micky and to their other friends,” Samar answered.
“What?” Krizzia exclaimed. “You’re also going to tell the other three guys about Ellie? What for? Isn’t it enough that you will be humiliating Ellie infront of Jaejoong and Micky? . . . Why do you need to tell the other guys too?”
“Because Micky and Jaejoong are their friends. And the way I see it . . . all of them are very close. So to make this plan work, we will need the cooperation of everybody around Ellie . . . and that includes them,” Samar answered.
“But . . . but that would be . . . Aaaahhh!!! I don’t know what to think anymore,” Krizzia uttered as she bent down her head and started to rub her forehead as if she was having a headache.
“I told you this last option would be brutal, and quite painful for her. And we might end up being hated as well,” Samar said sadly.
As Krizzia slowly looked at Samar again, sadness also filled her eyes. “But it’s for her own good right?” “Yes, we will try everything just to help her,” Samar replied.
Krizzia nodded. “All right. Let’s do it . . . for Ellie’s sake. I don’t care if she ends up hating us. At least, I can proudly say I did everything I could to help her.”
Tears quickly filled Samar’s eyes. “Krizzia, don’t worry. We’ll get through this again. . . We’re going to help Ellie no matter what . . .”
Krizzia stood up and went to Samar’s side. Then she lovingly embraced her. “Yes, I know. We will certainly get through all of this. . . We will still be together . . . you, me and Ellie.”
Because Im A Girl - Kiss CHAPTER 8
“Ellie . . . who is that guy? How come he knows you?” Krizzia asked softly as she looked at her.
Ellie slowly stared at Krizzia. Somehow she wanted to answer but it was as if she had totally lost her voice. She then stared blankly again in front of her. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to say anything . . . because she didn’t want to remember . . . remembering was too painful for her.
Krizzia sadly sighed and then slowly went out of the van.
“How is she?” Samar asked. She was already waiting outside.
“In a bad condition, I guess. She’s not talking. She’s just staring as if she’s not herself again,” Krizzia answered.
Samar shook her head. “Do you think we should call her parents? I am really as to who that guy is . . . How come he knows Ellie?”
“No, don’t call Ellie’s parents. If you call them, they will surely make us take Ellie back to their home. Have pity on the girl. She’s just starting to enjoy life outside her prison. You wouldn’t want her to be locked up in her room again, would you?” Krizzia said with concern.
Samar couldn’t help but smile bitterly “Prison? Yes, I wouldn’t want her to be locked up again. I can still remember her pitiful cries. Just thinking about it is already enough to make me cry.”
“So please . . . don’t call her parents. Let’s just deal with this problem . . . by ourselves. Her parents doesn’t have to know. We have to protect her, Samar. I don’t want her to go through the same phase again,” Krizzia uttered with sadness.
Samar nodded. “But what do you suggest we do now? Do you think we can just quit now? I don’t think it would be good for Ellie to stay here . . . I think that guy won’t stop until he proves to everyone who Ellie really is.”
“I’m really about him . . .Do you think we can talk to him again? I want to know who he is and how come he knows Ellie. I’m really surprised that he was able to recognize her, even though her name and even her face has been changed,” Krizzia uttered.
“What are you planning to do?” Samar asked.
“I’m going to talk to him,” Krizzia answered.
Samar nodded. “All right. But be careful when you talk to him. Don’t give him any information about Ellie.”
“Don’t worry. I will surely be careful with my words. You just stay here and look after her. If you need me, just call me on my phone okay?” Krizzia uttered again before finally leaving.
----- Near the DBSK boys’ van…..
“I thought we already talked about this? You said that you would leave her alone. Is that your way of keeping your word?” Micky angrily uttered as he faced Jaejoong.
“I’m sorry . . . but I’m already sure she’s Lena. I can’t just stay silent and not know the truth. Do you know how long I have been searching for her . . . how long I have been missing her?” Jaejoong replied with a raised tone.
Micky shook his head in disbelief. “So you’re just going to keep on talking about that topic over and over again? Aren’t you tired? She’s been gone like . . . what? . . . six years already? And if she’s really your friend . . . how come you don’t even recognize her? How come she doesn’t recognize you? Wake up, Jaejoong. Maybe you’re just seeing some similarities in Ellie . . . but that doesn’t mean she’s Lena. I understand how you feel. I really do . . . I know she means a lot to you. But . . . face the truth. You don’t even know if she’s still alive.”
Jaejoong angrily walked up to Micky.
He then grabbed him by his shirt. “Take back what you said! She’s not dead. She’s alive. I know she is. You don’t have the right to tell me that she . . .” he suddenly stopped. Somehow he couldn’t say that word. It was too painful for him to even imagine such a thing.
U-Know quickly came in between Micky and Jaejoong. “Jae, let go . . . please,” he said in a low voice as he tried to pull Jaejoong away from Micky.
Somehow Jaejoong came to his senses and slowly released his grip on Micky. “I . . . . I’m sorry,” he uttered with pain in his voice.
Micky suddenly felt sorry that he had even mentioned such a thing. He knew that he had totally gone way out of line. All of them knew how hard it was for Jaejoong to even talk about Lena. She was someone very important to him. Someone that he had been searching and waiting even before he became an artist.
Jaejoong suddenly felt helpless. He felt like his whole body was going to give up from all the mixed emotions he was feeling. He then leaned on the side of their van and just started to stare at the ground he was standing on.
Micky, Xiah, U-Know and Max felt like their heart were being slowly crushed as they silently watched Jaejoong. They could only imagine the pain that he was going through.
“Can we talk?” a girl’s voice suddenly said that caught everyone’s attention. Jaejoong suddenly looked at the girl. “You?”
Krizzia slowly moved closer to where the DBSK boys were all standing.
“Congratulations . . . you have certainly succeeded in making Ellie have a bad mood again. So I don’t think this would be good for your activities today,” she said with a hint of irritation in her voice.
Jaejoong suddenly looked away. He knew what he did could have some major consequences.
“Who are you?” Krizzia asked all of a sudden.
Jaejoong quickly stared at Krizzia again. “Why are you asking?” he asked back.
Krizzia just shrugged her shoulders as if pretending that she didn’t care. “Nothing. I am just curious I guess. You have really made her so upset.”
“Did I really make her so upset?” Jaejoong asked again as if he wasn’t himself.
Krizzia looked at the other DBSK members, as if asking what was going on. Jaejoong was obviously not himself as well.
U-Know sighed. “Sorry . . . but Jaejoong is kind of not himself. You see . . . he thinks that Ellie is his long lost friend . . . Lena. It seems he’s seeing some significant similarities in Ellie that he’s actually believing that she’s the best friend that he lost more than six years ago,” he tried carefully to explain.
Krizzia tried to hide her shock after hearing Jaejoong’s story. “Six years ago? Could it be they really know each other? Could it be . . . he’s the best friend that Ellie had been talking about all these years?” she asked silently in her mind.
Micky saw the strange look in Krizzia’s eyes. He instantly knew that she was hiding something. “Why are you really here?” he asked.
Krizzia quickly turned to Micky and gave him a cold stare. “I just wanted to know why your friend disturbed Ellie.”
Micky smiled in a mocking manner. “Really? Or maybe you’re just here to find out something . . .”
Krizzia then gave Micky an angry stare. Somehow she didn’t really like him. There was something about him that somehow she finds so annoying. “I wanted to know your friend’s side and I just wanted to remind all of you . . . stay away from Ellie.”
“Uhmm. . . can I ask something?” Max suddenly asked out of the blue.
Krizzia then looked at Max. “What is it?”
“What’s wrong with Ellie? What’s the deal with her being touched and all? I just can’t seem to understand it, and the more I tried to understand . . . the more I get confused,” Max said softly.
Krizzia stared at Max. Somehow she felt that she needed to explain some important things as well.
“Ellie has a phobia. It is a very complicated condition,” Krizzia replied.
“Phobia? What kind of phobia?” Max asked again.
Krizzia sighed. “It’s called aphenphosmphobia. She’s afraid of being touched . . . by men. Every time a man touches her, she just goes into shock . . . either she just loses consciousness or the worst case, would be that she goes into hysteria. And when I say hysteria, it’s either she cries uncontrollably or she just screams non-stop. There are also times that she just freezes where she is standing or she just lashes out at everyone around her. She’s totally unpredictable. There was a time that a man in a supermarket accidentally touched her hand, and she just started screaming for help. And afterwards she just wandered off without really being aware of what she was doing. We searched for her for almost an hour. She had wandered all by herself and luckily we found her sitting in a corner behind an abandoned movie house more than 10 kilometers away from the supermarket. So you see . . . she loses herself, and that is why she doesn’t really want to go out of her house. And that is another reason why she didn’t really want to accept this job,” she tried to explain Ellie’s condition in the most simple and truthful manner.
The DBSK boys exchanged glances with each other. Somehow they suddenly felt pity for Ellie. They could only imagine how hard her situation must be.
“How did she get this phobia?” Micky curiously asked.
Krizzia stared at Micky for a few seconds. She was thinking if she really needed to answer that question.
“She got it during a traumatic experience during her teens. Please don’t ask anymore detail. . . I have already said all I can say,” Krizzia uttered seriously.
Micky nodded his head. He knew that Krizzia had already given them all the information that she was allowed to divulge. Aside from that he also wanted to respect Ellie’s privacy.
“So how come when Micky touched her . . . she didn’t react?” Xiah asked curiously. “It is also a big puzzle for us. And it is why Ellie wanted to get close to Micky. She wanted to learn how he was able to touch her without triggering any negative effects,” Krizzia answered.
“Maybe she’s already cured or something and she just didn’t know it yet,” Micky uttered.
“Did you see her reaction when your friend tried to approach her? That is the same reaction she has when someone tries to touch her. And frankly, she’s in a bad condition right now. She started to stare blankly at everything and everyone again. And she won’t talk either. So I don’t think she’s over with her phobia yet,” Krizzia replied.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm,” Jaejoong uttered slowly and with a low voice. Krizzia saw the pain and loneliness in Jaejoong’s eyes, and somehow this touched her heart. “Who are you? I really pity you. . . Somehow I can feel your pain. And as much as I want to help you, but I love Ellie and she is more important to me than anything in this world. So I will never let you get near her again,” she uttered in her mind as she continued to watch him.
“Please tell Ellie . . . that I am really very sorry. I . . . I will never bother her again. I’m sorry . . . but I think I need some time alone,” Jaejoong uttered as he slowly turned and walked away.
Krizzia and the other DBSK boys just silently watched as Jaejoong walked away with his head and shoulders low in total sadness and confusion.
-------- Minutes passed….
Jaejoong was sadly staring at Lena’s picture. He had kept a small picture of her in his wallet for the passed six years.
And as he sadly gazed at his bestfriend’s picture . . . . Memories started to ran back into his mind….
Flashback……
Jaejoong was running beside Lena’s lifeless body which was being rushed into the emergency room. He didn’t want to let go of her hand. He couldn’t bear to let go. . .
Tears were flowing as he ran. He needed to be with her. She needed him. But as soon as they reached the emergency room, he was immediately blocked by a nurse.
“Please you have to stay here. We will take care of her,” the nurse gently uttered.
Jaejoong looked at the female nurse with tears already clouding his eyes.
“Please you have to save her. Please make sure she . . . she comes back to me. I . . . I need her. I haven’t greeted her a happy birthday yet. It is her birthday today, you see. Can you understand me? I have a lot to make up for. I . . . I . . . Lena, I’m sorry,” he uttered as he finally fell down on his knees and started to weep.
---------- Reality…..
“Lena . . . I miss you. Please come back to me,” Jaejoong uttered as he carefully returned the one and only memory he had of the girl he had been searching for
Who Are You MV Theme - CHAPTER 7
First day of work . . . and first day of confusion. . . .
Ellie, Samar and Krizzia arrived quite early. The DBSK boys still haven’t arrived and only a few of the staff members were already present.
“Why is it that whenever we go somewhere . . . we always end up being the first people to arrive?” Krizzia uttered as she she sighed and slowly sat down on a chair.
Ellie laughed. “Well . . . it’s always better to be early than to be late. And besides you know how I hate being late . . . that’s why we’re always early.”
“Maybe you can start to look around Ellie. At least, you can look at the props and the things that they will be using. It will make you more familiarized with the scenes that they are going to do today,” Samar reminded Ellie.
Ellie slowly nodded her head. “You’re right. I can start my work already. And besides, I know I won’t be able to look around once the other staff members arrive. You know I hate such noisy crowds. I think I would just hide in the van once everyone arrives.”
Krizzia shook her head. “I think we will have a problem with that. I am already wondering how you will be able to do your work when you don’t even want to interact with the people working here.”
“And to think you need to supervise the whole making of this project. So you can easily know what to revise or change when problems arise . . . How are you going to do that if you’re going to hide yourself again?” Samar asked as well.
Ellie smiled. “Honestly . . . I don’t know either. Remember this is the first time that I am working outside my home. And besides you guys already know that I can’t stay in a crowd with so many men. I just can’t afford to lose myself here once someone accidentally touches me. It would be so embarrassing.” Samar sighed. “Yes, I was worried about that as well.”
Krizzia suddenly remembered something. “Ellie, what are we supposed to do with your supposed to be boyfriend? That Micky guy will surely want to talk to you again. Are you sure you want him to get close to you?”
Ellie’s face quickly changed and turned serious. “Yes, I really want to know what makes him so different.”
“But . . .” Krizzia was about to say something but Samar shook her head as if to stop her from saying anything.
Krizzia sighed and just stayed silent. She knew she couldn’t do anything else but accept everything that was happening.
Ellie saw the worried look on Krizzia’s face. She started to laugh. “Krizzia, stop being so serious. It doesn’t suit you. Don’t worry. I’m not going to make a scene here . . . Well at least . . . I could try not to. Just make sure you guys have my drugs ready. . . just in case I go into an episode again.”
Krizzia sadly stared at Ellie. How she pitied her. She knew how hard Ellie’s life was for the passed six years. Somehow she didn’t want her to go through the same phase again.
If she could only erase Ellie’s memory totally . . . . so she could finally have a normal life. She would have already done it a long time ago. How she wanted to protect her and make her happy again.
Ellie tried to smile at her friends. “Hey stop that! Why are you guys like that? Just bear with my madness . . . please . . . I promise this will be the last time I will make such a crazy decision.”
Samar nodded. “Just make sure you know what you’re doing.”
Ellie smiled again. “I love you guys so much. You know that, don’t you?” she asked while trying to act cute and sweet. Smiles quickly appeared both on Krizzia and Samar’s faces.
“Yes, we know,” the two girls replied. Another fifteen minutes passed . . . .
The DBSK boys finally arrived, together with almost all the other crew members. As soon as Micky arrived, he immediately searched for Ellie.
“Uhmmm . . . excuse me. But can you tell me where Ellie is?” Micky asked Samar politely.
Samar slowly looked up from the book she was reading. “Ellie? She’s in the van, reading or writing . . . I think,” she answered while carefully studying Micky’s facial expression.
“Why isn’t she here?” Micky curiously asked.
“She’s not used to being in a place with too many people. So she’s hiding in the van,” Krizzia casually answered.
“What?” Micky asked curiously. Somehow he suddenly became more confused.
“You really have no idea of what you are getting yourself into huh?” Krizzia suddenly asked with a raised eyebrow.
“What do you mean?” Micky asked again.
Krizzia gave Micky a cold stare and just turned to face Samar. “I’m going to the van. If you need us, just call me by my phone,” she said as she slowly stood up and walked away.
“What’s the matter with her?” Micky asked Samar. He was totally confused as to what was going on. “I get the feeling she doesn’t like me,” he uttered again.
Samar lightly laughed. “Please forgive her. She’s just not used to seeing Ellie get interested in a man, that’s all. And frankly, she’s just concerned that you’re going to fool around with Ellie. That’s why she’s being rude with you.”
“Fool around with Ellie? Don’t worry, I am not that bad. Anyway I just want this project to push through, that’s why I agreed with Ellie’s condition. And regarding your friend . . . please tell her that I don’t intend to hurt anyone, especially not Ellie,” Micky said seriously.
Samar smiled. “That’s good to hear. I will surely tell Krizzia what you said. So . . . why are you looking for Ellie? If it’s important, I can call her and tell her that you’re looking for her.”
Micky smiled as well. “Well, I just wanted to talk to her that’s all. Maybe get to know her. But if she’s busy. . . maybe we can just chat some other time.”
Suddenly their conversation was interrupted when the other DBSK members arrived.
“Micky, we’re going to start the shoot in a few minutes,” U-Know uttered.
“Oh, really? I was just talking to Ellie’s friend. Can I know your name again?” Micky asked with a sweet smile.
“I am Samar and the one who just left is Krizzia,” she answered.
“Oh, sorry. I am sure to remember your names this time,” Micky said apologetically.
“It’s okay. Anyway I hope that you can be patient with Ellie’s temper and mood swings. If you happen to encounter a certain problem with her, just tell me. And I am more than willing to help out,” Samar said. Micky nodded. “Thanks. I will remember that.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Ellie suddenly asked as she slowly approached.
Samar smiled. “Nothing. Micky was just asking about you.”
“Yes, Krizzia already told me,” Ellie said with a smile.
“Ellie, the director is looking for you as well,” U-Know suddenly remembered.
“Really? Thank you for telling me,” Ellie uttered casually.
Jaejoong just silently watched as Ellie passed him by. As soon as he saw her again, his heart had started to beat very fast. He still couldn’t get the thought out of his mind. . . . the thought that Ellie was Lena,
“Ellie . . . .” Krizzia called out.
Ellie quickly turned around. “What is it Krizzia?”
“You forgot to take your medicine. I told you to drink it before you go out of the van and you just left it there on the seat,” Krizzia said angrily as she immediately handed Ellie the small tablet in her hand.
Ellie smiled mischievously. “Mother Krizzia is busy taking care of baby Ellie again . . . .” she teased.
And upon hearing those words . . . . Jaejoong’s heart suddenly stopped.
Flashback . . . .
Lena was sitting on a chair near the dining table while Jaejoong was busy cooking something.
“Hmm… smells so nice. Do you think I can have a small bite already?” she asked sweetly.
“No,” he simply replied.
“Please . . . pretty please . . . with a cherry on top . . . “ she said as a joke.
“No, you have to wait until I am finished . . . then we can both eat,” Jaejoong replied again.
“Mother Jaejoong is busy taking care of baby Lena again,” she started to tease him in a sweet voice.
Reality . . . .
Jaejoong’s heart was already beating very fast as he quickly approached Ellie. . . .
“Lena? You’re Lena, aren’t you? Please tell me you are . . . Please,” Jaejoong suddenly said with the sadness and longing in his voice. He tried to touch her hand, but she quickly moved away from him.
Ellie looked at Jaejoong with fear in her eyes. She tried to back away from him. She was afraid that he was going to try to touch her again. Somehow she didn’t know what to do. She was totally caught off guard by Jaejoong’s action.
“No, I’m not. So just back off,” Ellie said with anger. But her face had already turned pale and somehow her body was already shaking in fear.
“No! I know you’re lying. I know it’s you. Lena, please talk to me. Do you know how long I have been searching for you? Please Lena . . .” Jaejoong uttered as if he was about to cry. He tried to approach Lena again.
“No! I’m not Lena! I’m Ellie!” she shouted angrily as she moved back again. She was trying to set a distance between her and Jaejoong.
Samar had already stood up. She quickly pulled Ellie behind her. “Please stop this. Please don’t upset Ellie. We don’t want any trouble.”
While Samar was talking to Jaejoong, Krizzia immediately pulled Ellie away from the scene back to their van.
“I know she’s Lena . . . I . . . I . . . I . . . “ Jaejoong tried to utter while confusion and grief was visible in his eyes.
Samar shook her head. “I’m sorry but you’re just making a mistake. She’s not the person you’re looking for. So just stay away from her. If you want to have a peaceful working atmosphere here, please don’t try to make her upset. And I suggest you don’t try to approach her again. If you ever try to go near her again, I will personally make sure that she quits this job on the spot. I hope I am making myself very clear,” she said seriously before finally leaving.
U-Know and Max quickly went to Jaejoong’s side. They were very concerned for their friend.
“Hyung . . .” Max uttered. Somehow he wanted to comfort his friend but he really didn’t know how.
Jaejoong looked at U-Know and Max while he tried to control his tears. “I know . . . . I can feel it . . . She’s Lena. I am not making a mistake. Please believe me.”
You Are Not Alone - Kim Jeong Hoon CHAPTER 6
Micky was humming happily as he entered their apartment. It was very obvious that he was very happy.
“Oh, for God’s sake . . . please erase that smile from your face already. It’s already creeping me out,” Xiah uttered as he sat down on the sofa. Max laughed. “I think we will all need to get used to his unending smiles for six weeks.”
Micky laughed as well. “I’m just amused with that girl. I’ve never met anyone so brave and crazy . . . like me.”
“But don’t you think you went over board with agreeing to her demand? Imagine you agreed to be her boyfriend for six weeks. If a word about this suddenly leaks out to the press, we’re all in big trouble,” U-Know said seriously.
“Don’t worry about it. The CEO of Avex and our manager knows about it. So I don’t think there will be trouble. I know they will surely make everything work out since they are so desperate to have Ellie in this project,” Micky simply replied.
U-Know nodded. “You have a point there. But please tell me honestly, why did you agree to her request?”
Micky smiled. “Simple. . . The very first time I laid my eyes on her, I was already attracted to her. She’s one gorgeous woman. And I would be a fool to let her get away from me so easily.”
Max started to laugh with what Micky’s answer. But then he suddenly noticed something.
“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Max asked Jaejoong. “You’re awfully quiet today? Are you sick?”
“No, nothing’s wrong,” Jaejoong simply replied.
“You’ve been quiet ever since you saw Ellie. I’ve noticed you’ve been looking at her so seriously. What’s wrong? Is something bothering you?” Xiah asked curiously.
Jaejoong shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But as soon as I saw Ellie, I suddenly remembered Lena. They look so different from each other . . . but there’s something quite familiar about Ellie. I can’t stop myself from thinking that Ellie might be Lena,” he answered truthfully.
“Ellie is Lena? Lena . . . the friend you had years ago that suddenly disappeared?” Max asked with such interest.
“If Ellie is really Lena, then she should have recognized you when she saw you. But she didn’t . . . so she’s not Lena. And besides Ellie is mine now, better find yourself another girl to fantasize about Jaejoong. Ellie is already off limits,” Micky said with a hint of seriousness in his voice.
Jaejoong tried to smile. “Don’t worry. I don’t have any intention to snatch your dream girl,” he tried to act like normal.
Micky smiled mischievously. “Good. Because I am already planning how to make our six weeks arrangement become longer . . . much . . . much longer.”
“Oh no! I smell trouble,” Xiah uttered with a laugh.
As Micky, Xiah, Max and U-Know chatted with one another, Jaejoong continued to keep quiet.
Somehow he couldn’t get Ellie out of his mind. Something about her was making his heart so restless.
“Lena, where are you?” he couldn’t help but ask in his mind.
In Ellie’s hotel room . . . .
“What are you planning to do Ellie? Why did you make such a crazy demand?” Krizzia asked as soon as they entered their hotel room.
Ellie smiled mischievously at her as she carelessly sat down on the sofa. “What am I planning? What do you mean?”
“You know what she means Ellie. Don’t play innocent with us. It won’t work this time,” Samar angrily uttered.
Ellie suddenly laughed. “Why are you guys being so serious?”
“Ellie, you just made a deal with a man . . . a man whom you don’t know. . . to be your boyfriend for six weeks. If a normal person heard that kind of arrangement, he would immediately think that the one making the arrangement is crazy. Do you want to called ‘crazy’ . . . Ellie?” Samar uttered seriously as she also sat down in front of Ellie.
“I’m not crazy . . . Well not anymore, I guess,” Ellie uttered as her reaction quickly changed from a happy mood to a sad and dark one. Krizzia and Samar exchanged glances with each other. Somehow they didn’t want Ellie to remember the things that happened in the past. The haunting memories always made her sad and can quickly transform her into another person that they didn’t wish to come out.
“Ellie, we’re just concerned about you. Don’t you think what you did is quite dangerous? You don’t even know that guy,” Krizzia said with concern as she slowly sat down beside Ellie.
Ellie’s eyes quickly softened as she stared at Krizzia. “Dangerous? I don’t have anything to be afraid of . . . anymore. I don’t have anything to take care of . . . anymore,” she uttered as she slowly stood up and went to the window.
As she gazed at the darkening sky, her heart was getting heavier by the second. How she hated the darkness of the night. How she hated seeing the sky as it gets darker and darker. How she wished that morning could go on forever and there were no nights anymore.
“Samar . . . Krizzia . . . do you guys know how lonely I am? I’ve been living my life like a mouse afraid to come out of his hole. I am afraid of so many things . . . especially men . . . that it has hindered my normal way of living. Do you know that whenever I see lovers holding hands or embracing one another . . . I feel so left out. I feel so lonely. I keep asking myself . . . ‘why can’t I be just an ordinary girl?’. I also want to be embraced by someone. I also want to be loved by someone. Don’t I have a right to be happy as well? Do I really have to live in fear for the rest of my life . . . and carry the scar that happened so long ago? I want to move on . . . I want to forget . . . I want to learn how to love again. . . how to trust again. I want to live my life now and just forget about the past. Am I not allowed to do these things? Am I not allowed to find the cure to my loneliness?”
Krizzia and Samar felt like their hearts were getting heavy with pity. Somehow they could feel the pain and sadness that Ellie was feeling. How they wished that they could take away the pain that was deeply buried in Ellie’s heart.
“You know we love you Ellie. We only want what’s best for you. If you really think that this guy might actually make you happy . . . then go ahead. We will always be by your side to support you,” Samar uttered softly.
“But please, promise us . . . you won’t let your heart get too involved. I don’t want to see you get hurt like the last time,” Krizzia uttered.
Ellie quickly gazed out of the window again. Then she slowly faced her friends.
“I understand. I guess I’m just dreaming again. I already know where this so-called relationship with Micky is going to end. Honestly, I’m just curious. He’s the first man that actually touched me, without me going into shock or hysteria. Both of you have been with me for six years now and you already saw the horrible state I go through whenever a man touches me. So imagine the shock, happiness and curiosity I felt after Micky embraced me . . . and nothing happened. Somehow I just want to know . . . if I still have a chance to be normal again.”
Samar nodded her head. “Yes, it was a shock to see you not reacting to a man’s touch. And I also agree that it is good to further study your reaction to this man. Maybe he can actually cure you.”
Ellie lightly laughed. “Cure me? He’s not a god to be able to cure me totally. And even if . . . he is able to help me overcome my fears . . . he still wouldn’t be able to make me forget,” she said as a sharp pain shot through her heart.
“Ellie. . . it is time to move on. Everything is all in the past now. No one even remembers who you are and what happened. Why can’t you just move on?” Krizzia asked with a soft voice.
“Move on? No one remembers . . . anymore? But I. . . I remember. . . Sometimes I keep asking myself why I survived. I should have just died that night. I hate all the doctors who saved me. . . And I hate him with all my heart. . . for not being there when I needed him the most,” Ellie uttered as tears quickly fell from her eyes as she continued to stare outside of the window. Somehow the darkness was welcoming Ellie in such a familiar cold manner that made her entire body shiver in fear.
