AFTER THE LIGHT FADES
It’s been a year… Everything is quiet now…
All the screams and shouts were replaced by a maddening silence. All the melodies that captured so many hearts are gone and all that is left is the memory of what was once a beautiful dream.
Everything is gone… the music, the dream, the friendship…
There was nothing holding us together anymore…. All the smiles and laughter had disappeared and were replaced with words of regret and unhappiness.
I can’t seem to remember when I last smiled and laughed without any lies or worries on my mind. With just a simple turn of events… everything and everyone was gone…
************
I slowly walked to the living room. My apartment was quite small, maybe about one-fifth of what I used to live in before. But it was all I could afford right now. And I was already happy with it. My own private space, my very own world.
I sat down on the couch. The place was so quiet. Something was missing.
“Hello hyung, how are you today?” I uttered as I tried mimicking Max’s voice and gesture.
“Fine, Are you hungry already? What would you like me to prepare for you?” I said, this time imitating Jaejoong.
“He will cook anything you serve. So don’t worry,” I quickly uttered in Xiah’s sweet and laughing voice.
“What are we going to do today? We finally have some time to rest…” I said with the serious tone that U-Know always uses.
I quickly shook my head. Maybe I was going mad. I was talking to myself now. And to make matters worst, I was making conversations with non-existing people.
Well, they aren’t totally non-existing… but just far away, I guess. Sad to say, ever since our group got disbanded, it was like we suddenly drifted apart.
‘What am I thinking’, I suddenly shrugged off the feeling of regret and pity that I was having.
‘If only we had done things differently… maybe,’ another thought passed through my mind.
I got up and went straight to the kitchen to get a bottle of soju. ‘Is Jaejoong still drinking his favorite wine?’ I asked myself.
Everything was different now. All of us had been living in different worlds right after the disbandment of our group was made.
We knew we broke so many hearts and many people cried because of us. But it wasn’t only our fans who cried, but us… as well. We cried separately… in our own private spots, hidden from other people’s sight. But we couldn’t deny it, our eyes which were almost red from crying were the evidence of our sadness. The last thing I remember… Jaejoong couldn’t stop himself from sobbing like a child, while Junsu just cried silently in a corner of the dressing room. I, on the other hand, cried continuously. Though I admit, it was somehow embarrassing for a man to be crying in such a manner… I didn’t care. I wanted to let out all the pain and sadness I was feeling, and crying was the only way I knew how.
As for U-Know and Max, though they were supposed to leave as soon as the announcement was made, they still managed to sneak into the dressing room. They wanted to share some last precious moments with us…
But as soon as they entered the room, and saw all of us crying in different corners of the room, they immediately cried as well. Max just fell down on his knees crying and sobbing much louder than me and Jaejoong. While U-Know just leaned against the door and cried without any care as well.
‘This was it… The end of Dong Bang Shin Ki…’
Somehow the reality was too painful for all of us. We weren’t able to say anything that day… But our hearts spoke out everything that was needed to be said.
Now… I am quite amazed at how time flies by so quickly. Jaejoong has already established himself as an actor, Xiah is already busy with his solo career as a singer, while me?? I just got signed up as an exclusive song writer/singer by a famous Japanese recording company.
You might ask … what more can we ask for?
But honestly… we’re not happy.
Max is already busy with his acting career as well. While U-Know had been busy doing commercials and photo shoots for different famous magazines both in Korea and Japan.
What more can we ask for?
As I sadly stared at my apartment, I couldn’t help but compare it to the one we used to live in. At that time, we all felt it was somehow crowded for all of us to be living in. But we were happy… as long as we were together… that was all that mattered.
But that was before…. Now…
The silence in the room was too frightening and disconcerting. Yes, I had the money and the fame, just like before…. But I feel like something is missing…
What is missing???
As I finished the soju I was drinking, I suddenly remembered something. The last time I heard, Jaejoong had said something about not drinking anymore. ‘Wonder why,’ I thought to myself.
I sat down on the couch again, this time determined not to feel melancholic or anything similar. I was about to open the TV when I remembered it was time for Max’s favorite show. ‘Is he still watching his favorite show?’ I asked myself. Change of plans… I somehow lost interest in watching.
Like a ghost, I moved around the place, searching for something to do. I, unconsciously grabbed a magazine and tried to concentrate on reading. ‘Is U-Know still reading his favorite magazine?’ again a question popped into my head.
I immediately threw the magazine. I didn’t want to read anymore. A breeze came into the slightly opened window in the room. I slowly approached the window, hoping to see something that could help me get my mind off in a different direction.
As I looked down on the streets, I saw a young boy holding a soccer ball. He was playing with some of his friends and they were shouting and playing happily. ‘Is Xiah still playing around with his favorite ball?’ the question appeared again.
Out of frustration, I started throwing everything I could get my hands on.
Smash… Crash…
In just a few minutes, almost half of everything in the room was either broken or totally smashed into tiny fragments.
Confused, hurt, and alone…
‘Why? Why? Why did it have to end up this way?’ I kept on repeating. I slowly laid down in the middle of the room. Like a child, I curled up and tried to hug myself. I was going mad.
Tic… Tic… Tic…
The light from the window was slowly fading…
As the room started to grow dark and cold, I just continued to lie down on the floor… bleeding…
‘This was it… The end of Dong Bang Shin Ki…’ again the thought flashed in my mind.
Tic… Tic… Tic…
Yes, it was finally over…
***
Tic… Tic… Tic…
“Hyung, wake up…”
I slowly opened my eyes. Max was looking down on me with his smile already beaming on his face.
“Where am I?” I asked in confusion.
Max looked at the other DBSK members who were standing beside him. “What is he talking about?” he asked back.
Xiah laughed. “He’s having a bad dream again. Hey, wake up Micky! It’s already 10 in the morning. We still have a fan meeting to attend to,” he said with a chuckle.
“Breakfast is ready. We need to hurry. So get up,” Jaejoong uttered as he gently pulled me out of bed.
“Are you okay? Are you feeling sick or something?” U-Know worriedly asked. I just stared at their faces. I couldn’t believe they were standing right in front of me.
“You guys are here,” I uttered as I happily embraced each one of them.
Jaejoong lighly laughed. “Hey, what happened to you?”
“I think he’s just hungry. Let’s eat already. My stomach’s been aching for an hour now,” Max complained like the way he used to do.
“Whatever it is that you dreamt of… must have been quite bad,” Xiah said with concern.
Again I looked at them. “Yes, it was just a dream… Thank God, it was just a dream….” I replied.
“Come on… We have to get ready… remember,” U-Know again reminded all of us. I just nodded and smiled. Everything was all right now. We were still together. As this thought entered my mind… my heart immediately felt lighter.
As we were about to leave my room, I suddenly noticed something shine beside my bed. I quickly picked it up and was surprised. It was a piece of broken glass.
I smiled… Then I carefully placed the broken glass in my cabinet.
“Hyung, hurry…” Max called out.
“Coming,” I answered.
A cold wind blew and somehow circled around me… I shivered but Jaejoong suddenly appeared and placed his arms around my shoulders making the coldness disappear.
“Come on… I think Max will be crying if we don’t feed him already,” he said jokingly.
Yes, everything was back to the way it should be….
‘Thank God, it was just a dream,’ ... Wasn’t it?
ANOTHER CHANCE
“I’m sorry” was all she could utter before she slowly kissed me goodbye. There was no trace of remorse or pain in her eyes, which made me more confused and hurt. Questions were continuously echoing in my mind but the words couldn’t form and my voice was somehow lost in the strong sound of the cold wind blowing.
“Where did I go wrong?” I asked myself. I gave her everything and I showered her with all the love and attention that I could ever give. I never stopped even for one second in thinking of ways on how to make her happy. I gave her everything and but she just threw them all away.
“It’s been four years.” How time passes by so quickly. Before I thought that I would never learn how to live without her. But look at me now. I am here and living a wonderful life. I am famous now. I have already saved enough money to live a comfortable life, if the time comes and I lose my fame.
“I should be happy,” I uttered out loud. But why is it that I still feel empty even though I know I already have so much to be thankful for?
“Where are you?” Even though I said I have forgotten you. I know my heart still longs for you.
***********************************************
“Aaahhh Hollywood… Do you think we can have a stroll afterwards? Christmas is just a week away. We should be out and buying gifts already. So do you think we can go out?” Changmin asked Yunho as soon as they arrived at their hotel.
Yunho lightly laughed. “Ask our manager… not me. I would gladly accompany you, if he miraculously agrees.”
“Hey take me with you, if you go out. I want to take a stroll too,” Junsu exclaimed excitedly.
Jaejoong shook his head. “Goodluck. We’re only going to be here for just one day. So don’t go on dreaming that we would actually have some free time to do what we want.”
Changmin’s enthusiasm quickly vanished. His hyung was right. They had a hectic schedule to keep. “Aahhh … hyung, why do you need to be so cruel? You could have at least made me day dream a little bit longer,” he uttered with a deep sigh.
Jaejoong grinned. “Day dream? Changmin, in the kind of work we are doing right now… we don’t even have enough time to breathe.”
Changmin felt all his energy was suddenly drained from his body. “Oh… there goes my dream of eating in a pizza restaurant.”
Yunho and Junsu couldn’t help but laugh.
“You can always order using the phone,” Jaejoong teased.
Yoochun, Junsu and Yunho laughed out loud while Changmin just sighed in defeat.
**********************************************
Several hours passed…
“Okay, we’re finished everyone. Thank you for all your hard work, “ one of the people in-charge of the photo shoot was saying.
“Hey, you guys… We’re going out… Would you like to come along? I already talked to your manager and he already gave you permission to go out with us,” another one of the senior staff members said to the DBSK boys.
The DBSK boys cheered. Somehow they couldn’t believe that they finally have some time to relax.
***************************************************
An hour later…. They were already in a restaurant and were about to eat when….
“I’m sorry, sir… Please forgive me… Please give me another chance,” a familiar voice kept on repeating.
Jaejoong quickly looked around the place to see where the voice came from. And his heart immediately started beating wildly as soon as he laid his eyes on her.
“Please sir… Just give me another chance… I really need this job… “ the girl begged again.
The store manager just shook his head. “Sorry, but you’re fired. You can have your last paycheck before you go. That’s the last consideration I can do for you. I have been patient with you, but you really crossed the line. You’ve abused my kindness too many times.”
The girl started to cry. “But… I told you… my daughter was sick. I have no one to take care of her. Her sickness got worse so I had to bring her to the hospital. That’s why I had been absent for 3 days straight,” the girl continued to explain in between sobs.
“Look, I can’t have an employee like you. You’re too unreliable. Yes, I know it isn’t your fault. But I need someone who can be here whenever I need them and not someone who always have problems. Do you know you’re like a magnet that attracts too many problems? I really pity you. But this is business… Sorry,” the store manager uttered.
The girl cried harder. She was totally confused. She was thinking about her daughter. How was she going to take care of her now? She had no job, no money and no one to turn to.
*************************************************
“Mama…” a little girl happily greeted her mother as she entered the small apartment they were renting. “Why are you crying?” the little girl asked. She sweetly gave her mother a warm embrace.
Seul Rin closed her eyes. She needed to be strong…. for her daughter’s sake. She would just try to find another job as soon as possible. “Everything will be all right,” she tried to reassure herself.
“Mama, I’m hungry,” the little girl softly said.
“Wait… I am going to prepare something,” Seul Rin replied. She quickly opened the refrigerator expecting to see some foods to prepare and cook. But to her dismay, it was empty. The only thing it contained was a bottle of water.
She quickly took out the envelope in her pocket. It was her last paycheck. She started to count its content and then she took out the money she had in her wallet. She sighed. She was supposed to pay the rent on the apartment today. And the total money she had wasn’t even enough to pay half of the rent.
“Mama, I am hungry,” the little girl repeated.
Seul Rin stared at her daughter and her heart felt like it was being torn into a million pieces.
As a mother, it was too painful for her to see her daughter asking for food and she had nothing to give. There were times that she kept on asking herself, if she was such a bad person to deserve such a life. And most of the time, she just kept on cursing herself for the foolish thing she made in the past. “Maybe if I didn’t left him… maybe I wouldn’t be miserable now,” she uttered to herself.
“Mama, I am hungry…” the little girl started to cry this time.
Seul Rin hurriedly took her daughter in her arms. “Ssshhhh… we’re going out to buy food… Don’t cry…” she uttered.
She was about to step out of the apartment when… the moment she opened the door… someone was already waiting outside.
“Jaejoong,” she uttered.
“Hello Seul Rin,” Jaejoong said while his eyes were focused on the little girl in front of him.
The little girl stared at Jaejoong and smiled. “Are you our new neighbor? Or are you here to collect the rent for the apartment? My mama doesn’t have enough money now… Do you think you can give her some more time?” she sweetly said as if pleading.
Seul Rin bit down on her lower lip. She felt so small and degraded at that exact moment. If only she could run away and hide.
“Mama…” the little girl uttered again. “Let’s buy food huh? I am hungry…”
Jaejoong felt his heart was being crushed. He felt pity for the child in front of him. He then stared at Seul Rin. But she just looked away. Somehow she was afraid to look at him.
Jaejoong smiled at the little girl. “You’re hungry?” he asked sweetly.
The child nodded quickly.
“Come on… We’re going to buy something delicious…” he uttered as he gently took the girl from Seul Rin.
Somehow Seul Rin didn’t have the strength to do anything. She was numb all over. She just gave her daughter to Jaejoong without any complaints, and just followed them as they walked to a nearby convenience store.
As Jaejoong carried the child in his arms, his heart kept on pounding. Something about the child was making his uneasy. “What’s your name little one?” he asked sweetly.
“Hana,” the girl replied. “My mother said she gave me that named because my father likes that name very much,” she added.
Jaejoong’s heart instantly stopped after hearing the girl’s answer. “Hana,” he couldn’t help but utter. Somehow his hold on the child became tighter… Immediately he felt like he could never let go of the child ever again.
They were already back in the apartment when Jaejoong finally confronted Seul Rin.
“Is … is she my daughter?” Jaejoong asked with a trembling voice. Seul Rin just kept her head bent down. She didn’t know what to do. She knew she couldn’t lie. “Yes,” she simply replied.
“What?” Jaejoong asked with shock. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had a right to know. Why did you do it? Why did you leave me when…”
Seul Rin couldn’t control her tears. She just cried as Jaejoong kept on asking her.
“Seul Rin…. Why?” he asked as tears also streamed down his face.
“Because… because my mother was sick at that time… I needed a large amount of money and I didn’t know where to get it…. The president of your company suddenly offered me the amount that I needed for my mother’s operation… In exchange, I was … to leave you. He said I was just a disturbance in your career,” she finally confessed.
“What?” Jaejoong asked. He never expected the truth was so twisted. “So you’re saying… you left me because of… money?” he shouted with anger.
Seul Rin didn’t know how to answer his question. It was the truth… a very painful truth…
Hana unexpectedly approached them and shouted. “Why are you shouting at my Mama? I thought you were nice. I guess I was wrong. Just go! I don’t like you anymore. You’re making my Mama cry. Go! You can take the things you bought. I would rather go hungry than see my Mama cry.”
Jaejoong felt like someone just hit him straight in the face. The anger in his heart was immediately replaced with pity. He then carefully looked at the only woman he had loved. She was obviously very thin and looked very tired. He could only imagine the kind of hardships that she went through during the last four years. His heart immediately softened after he thought about her situation. Somehow he couldn’t imagine her working while she was pregnant with their baby.
“How… is your mother? Why are you alone?” he suddenly asked Seul Rin.
“She…. She died three months… after I left you. The operation wasn’t successful. It just prolonged her life for a bit,” she uttered as she tried to control her sobbing.
Again his heart was crushed. So she had been living alone for the last four years… She had gone through with her pregnancy … She gave birth … She took care of their baby …. She worked… And she raised their baby for the last four years… all alone…
He slowly approached her. Then he lovingly took her into his arms. “Why did you allow yourself to face all the problems alone when I could have shared all the responsibilities with you? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? If you needed the money at that time, I could have helped you. We could have done something. You didn’t have to leave me. You didn’t have to lie to me. Do you know how much I have missed you? … I still love you Seul Rin… Everyday I think about you and I miss you,” he said as he allowed all his tears to fall.
She cried as she finally felt his warm embrace again. How she had missed him… She still loved him after four years. He was the only he had loved and will ever love. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” she uttered repeatedly.
“Ssshhh… everything will be all right now… I am here now… I promise I will take care of you and Hana….”
***************************************************
Hana screamed happily as Jaejoong lovingly tickled her continuously. “Papa, stop it… stop it,” the little girl said as she tried to catch her breath.
Not far from them… Seul Rin was busy preparing their lunch. “Hey, lunch is ready…” she announced.
Jaejoong lovingly carried her daughter and carefully placed her on a chair. “What’s for lunch?” he sweetly asked his wife.
“Your favorite,” she replied with a smile.
“Merry Christmas,” he then uttered with the sweetest smile that immediately made Seul Rin’s heart skip a beat.
“Merry Christmas too… and I missed you…” she replied back. Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile again. “Tomorrow I am the one going to prepare our meal… I want to serve my queen… forever and ever …. and ever” he said as he lovingly touched her cheek and gave her a quick but very memorable kiss.
Their search was finally over. Fate had given them another chance. And as they lovingly looked into each other’s eyes, their hearts were already beating as one. They were finally together now and nothing was going to separate them again….
A CHRISTMAS ANGEL
Yoochun walked with his head filled with so many questions. Their group was currently experiencing a problem. And somehow everything and everyone around them were starting to get affected, one by one…. especially their fans. He sighed heavily. It was almost Christmas time and such a frustrating problem suddenly came. Only a miracle could solve their problem now. Everything was already out of hand. Too many people were already involved and too many opinions and decisions were being considered. There were times that he was even thinking that maybe it was better to just give up and go their separate ways.
Lately he had noticed the gap, the invisible wall that was separating all of them. And as each day passes by, he knew the wall just kept on growing. And it was only a short time before they would no longer be able to reach each other, even if they wanted to. He wanted things to return to the same state it was before. But things got complicated and mistakes can never be undone.
He slowly sat down on a swing. There were only a few people left in the park. And since it was already passed 10 o’ clock, no one was even bothering to look at him.
This was the only place that he could find refuge, the only spot where he could enjoy some peaceful time alone, away from all the hectic schedules and the screaming fans. He knew his fellow DBSK members were also tired from all the work they had been doing for the last couple of months. It was like there whole world was already centered on the fact that they belonged to the famous group, DBSK. They had no privacy, no life, no love…. no one special to share their achievements with. Somehow he felt like their lives were becoming pointless as time moved on.
“I’m really tired. Why is my life like this?” he unexpected said out loud with his head bent down.
“Uhmmm… Excuse me, can I… I ask for your signature?” a voice suddenly said.
Yoochun quickly looked at the person standing in front of him. “You’re asking for my signature?” he asked a young boy about 17 years old. It wasn’t everyday that a boy would come up to him and ask for his signature.
The boy quickly nodded. “Well, it isn’t for me. It’s for my younger sister,” he added.
“Oh, I see… “ Yoochun uttered as a smile appeared on his lips. He couldn’t help but admire the young boy in front of him. The boy must really love his sister, he thought.
“Can you please sign this?” the boy asked as he shyly gave Yoochun a cd. It was one of their Japanese singles. Yoochun took the cd and pen and was about to write when… “What’s the name of your sister?” he asked the boy.
“Yumiko,” the boy uttered with a sad tone.
Yoochun quickly stared at the boy. “And your name is?”
“My name is Hiro,” the boy answered. “I’m sorry for disturbing you,” he added politely.
Yoochun lightly laughed. “It’s okay,” he said. He had already returned the cd when he looked at the boy again. “Tell me, how did you know that I would be here?”
Hiro suddenly felt embarrassed to answer Yoochun’s question. “I… I had been following you and your friends for a month now. But I always get blocked by your body guards. My sister’s birthday is next week. So I had been trying to get close to one of you, so I can fulfill my promise.”
“So you’ve been stalking me and my friends, so you can give your sister her birthday gift?” Yoochun asked curiously.
Hiro nodded.
“Honestly I admire your determination to fulfill your promise to your sister,” Yoochun uttered. He then paused and looked at the cd the boy was holding. And immediately he thought of a wonderful idea.
“Do you think you can give me your sister’s full name and your address?” Hiro looked at Yoochun with curiosity written all over his face.
“Yes… but can I ask why?”
“I just want to give your sister some additional gifts that would surely make her happy,” Yoochun answered.
The boy’s face lit up with joy. “Thank you…. I know Yumiko would be delighted to receive more gifts… especially if it came from you.”
“I will be sending the gifts tomorrow,” Yoochun said with a bright smile.
*************************************************************
“Hyung, why are we signing this?” Changmin asked Yoochun with a slight irritation and a confused look on his face. He had just entered the kitchen and was about to get his breakfast.
“Sign first, before you eat,” Jaejoong said with a laugh. “No signature, no food.”
“Oh, that’s harsh. How many signatures do you need?” Changmin asked back as he hurriedly took the cd and pen away from Yoochun.
Yunho who was already filling up a cd with some personal messages laughed out loud. “That’s our very helpful Changmin…”
“Yoochun met a boy last night who had been stalking us for a month now. He had promised his sister a cd with our signatures on it as a birthday gift. So we’re helping out…” Junsu explained with a bright smile. He felt so happy to do such a wonderful thing for someone… especially a fan. Somehow he feels like it has been a long time since they did something special… together.
“Oh, now I understand. You should have just told me straight away,” Changmin said.
“How about if… we just bring our gifts personally? Don’t you think that would be a much nicer gift?” Jaejoong asked the other members.
The other boys nodded their heads and agreed right away. “I got the address here. How about if we just go now and surprise the girl?” Yoochun asked happily.
“Yes, that’s a great idea,” Yunho added. He was suddenly excited and happy.
“Okay then…. We’ll leave in an hour,” Junsu uttered.
***************************************************************
After an hour…
“Thank you …. but Yumiko’s dead,” an old woman said as she politely accepted the boys gifts.
“Dead?” Yoochun couldn’t believe what he heard.
The old woman nodded her head and took out the picture of her daughter. She then gave the picture to Yoochun.
“She died a week ago… She had been sick for the past three years. But she kept on fighting… everyday… hoping…” a bitter smile appeared on the old woman’s lips.
The DBSK boys pitied Yumiko. She was still very young.
“But Hiro… he said that he was going to give her a gift for her birthday. So we thought that she was…” Yoochun tried to explain.
“Still alive? Hmmm….When Yumiko was still alive Hiro promised her that he would give her a cd with your signatures on it for her birthday. She was already an avid fan even before she got sick. And even though her sickness prevented her from doing the ordinary things she used to enjoy… She found another passion that kept her busy until the very end of her life. Because of your group, she found her passion for writing. As time passed by, her sickness grew worst but she still tried to be strong and never allowed herself to lose contact with all the things that were happening with all of you…. your lives, your careers… your music. Somehow I feel like… you were another reason why she tried to fight longer. She would always listen to your songs whenever she was in pain. I know she would be very happy that all of you came here…. Thank you for taking the time and all the effort to make my daughter … happy,” the old woman uttered as she slowly cried.
The DBSK boys were totally speechless. They were taken by surprise by what they found out. The happy memory they were expecting was instantly replaced with sadness, pity and regret.
It was then that Hiro suddenly appeared with a small book in his hands. “Thank you for all the gifts you guys brought. In exchange, I would like to give you this.”
“What is it?” Yunho asked.
“It’s Yumiko’s diary…. I know it would really make her happy, if you guys accept this,” Hiro replied.
“Oh no… We can’t possibly accept that…. That’s too personal. You should be the ones to keep it,” Jaejoong uttered.
“Please do accept it. I have read the whole diary, and all the words she had written in that small book are already engraved in my heart. I will remember those words even if the book is gone. Please accept it,” the old woman softly uttered.
The DBSK members exchanged glances with one another. Somehow they were asking each other whether to accept the book being given or not. A few minutes passed…
With trembling hands, Junsu carefully reached out for Yumiko’s diary. “Thank you…” he uttered softly to Hiro.
Hiro smiled…. “I should be the one thanking you… all of you. You have all made my sister very happy with your music…. and your songs.”
*******************************************************************
Another hour passed, at the boys’ apartment…. Jaejoong carefully opened the diary and started to read out loud… The first half of the small book was full of details of their past achievements. The DBSK boys were very touched. They couldn’t believe that someone could really give so much attention to them, when she obviously had other important things to give attention to.
Jaejoong read on and on… somehow the words he was reading were becoming too addicting. He just longed for more and more…
“What is happiness? All of us have different definitions for it. But for me, I only have one answer, and that is DBSK. They made me happy during the times I was sad. Their songs were my companions during the times I was alone. They were my special friends, even if it was only in my dreams and in my stories. Because of them, I met so many friends online. I never thought I would be able to meet so many people from different countries, and instantly feel the connection with them. Sometimes I wonder if the DBSK boys even know the kind of power that they have. They have brought so many people together from different walks of life without realizing it. They are truly like gods in their own right. And I believe their name fits them perfectly, The Rising Gods Of The East”
“They are my very own special gods that have brought a special light into my darkening life. They made my dull and fading world, full of color and life once again. Because of them, I learned so many things that I will never learn in one lifetime. And even if I was at the very end, I am still thankful. They brought out the other side of me, which I never really knew. I learned how to write wonderful stories all because I was in love. I was in love with all of them in my own little world of imagination. I placed myself in the shoes of all the thousands of fans that kept on screaming their names. I wanted to play out the various scenes that were constantly playing in my head. I wanted to create a world wherein their fans can enter and also interact with them. The stories I wrote were the worlds created by my mind so to give happiness to other people. Now I know how it feels like to actually make other people happy without asking anything in return, and just being myself and enjoying the endless words of joy that fans like me are giving for the stories I have written. Unexpectedly, I learned humility.”
“There were times I couldn’t bear the pain anymore and just wanted to give up. But their songs made me think twice. The words in their songs gave me hope and a new meaning in life. Their melodies touched my lonely heart and erased the traces of pain that entered my life day after day. Whenever I feel down, I would just watch them perform and I would suddenly feel happy again. The smiles and laughs they shared made me think that life is still worth fighting for. Whenever I see them, I remember my brother and my mother, like them they are also the reasons why I keep on fighting. I want to live and breathe as long as my body would allow me to. I want to experience the happiness that life has to offer. I want to give what I can to others so I can at least have something to leave to all the important people in my life.”
“How funny, just when you thought that everything is already at the end. Something happens and you suddenly realized that everything is really just beginning. I thought my life was really over the moment I learned I was sick and I only had about a few months up to a year to live. After I learned about this, I became bitter and I hated everything and everyone around me.”
“But because of the love my mother and brother showered me with, I slowly learned how to accept my fate. Yes, I was dying. But it didn’t mean that I can no longer live like a normal person. I was sick, but I wasn’t dead. I still had a chance to do things.”
“I returned to my normal life. But my life was already restricted. I was forced to be confined in my own little world, my small sanitized room, free from dust and small particles that might make me sick. My body was already failing and I wasn’t allowed to catch even the simplest sickness. I felt like I was trapped. There were times I wanted to break free and just ran out of the door and get myself all soaked up in the rain like the way I used to. How I missed playing in the rain with my brother.”
“Two years passed, the pain grew much worse and stayed longer. But I was already immune. I just took everything without any complaints.”
“Already nearing the end, but I am happy. My brother just bought the latest cd of DBSK. But of course, my dream of owning a cd with all the boys’ signatures is still a fantasy. He promised me I would get one for my birthday. My birthday will be in three weeks time. I hope I can still make it. I can feel my body is starting to endure the pain more horribly now. But the pain I am feeling can’t even compare with the pain I feel after I learned about the trouble the DBSK boys are going through. I pity them. I wish I could fly to their side and just comfort them. I know they are going through a hard time right now.”
“Keep on fighting! No matter what hardships you guys are facing right now. There will always be a light that will come your way. Always remember your fans will always support you in whatever decisions you make. I know you guys are in pain right now. But everything will come and go. Just hold on to each other tightly and everything will be all right. Just keep trusting each other, and all the trials will pass. I believe in you, the same way the thousands of other fans believe in you. We will always love you and support you no matter what happens.”
“I feel strange today. I don’t know why. I have been singing the boys’ songs for the last few days. I just feel like I want to sing and sing like there’s no tomorrow. And another weird thing, I greeted someone Merry Christmas, even though it’s still a month away. I am acting more peculiar as the days pass by. Also I easily get tired these passed few days. I am listening to Insa right now. And although it’s too sad, I always find it so soothing to listen to. I am going to rest for a while after this. Then I am going to watch some videos again. I have missed the DBSK boys so much. They haven’t appeared in any new shows lately. I wish all their troubles will finally come to an end. I know all their other fans are also missing them as well. Keep on fighting, I will always pray for you guys. Even if I die today, and when I finally go to heaven, I will still keep on praying for you to always be together and continuously make beautiful music forever.”
Jaejoong stopped reading. It was the last entry. Tears were already streaming down his face. He couldn’t help but feel so touched and blessed. He looked at the other DBSK members, and they were crying as well.
Unexpectedly, Yunho stood up. “Let’s make an angel happy… Let’s promise to always be together and continue to make beautiful music until we all grow old.”
The DBSK boys gave each other the most loving and longest embrace they had ever given each other. An angel touched their lives. And they will forever learn from the simple lessons and words she had taught them.
************************************************************
A month later… on a Christmas fan meeting…
All the DBSK boys were already on stage… before they performed their last song, Jaejoong unexpectedly decided to make a short speech…
“This song is dedicated to an angel we never really met, but who touched our lives with her meaningful words. She had taught us how to live life to the fullest.. She made us see our mistakes and she made us stronger. She will always be in our hearts. This is for you…. Yumiko… and thank you.”
As the boys sang together again, tears of joy streamed down from their eyes. They will always keep their promise… They will always make beautiful music together…. forever… Somehow… they know an angel was singing with them up in heaven…..
CHAPTER 22
It was already passed 12 midnight but Ellie couldn’t sleep. Somehow no matter how hard she tried to stop herself, she just kept on thinking about Jaejoong. Her heart wouldn’t leave her alone. It was somehow screaming out for Jaejoong.
Irritated, she sat on her bed. “Why am I thinking about him? I shouldn’t be thinking about him…. Crazy! This is totally crazy,” she uttered as she carefully slipped out of bed. She didn’t want to disturb Samar who was sleeping beside her.
She then quietly put on her robe. She first looked at Krizzie. She was still sleeping soundly on a nearby bed. She smiled and carefully arranged the blanket that was covering her friend.
Careful not to wake anyone, she slowly closed the door and went out. She needed some fresh air. She needed to think. Jaejoong was somehow stuck in her mind and it was making her crazy. She couldn’t bear the thought of being so close to him and yet he doesn’t even know who she really is. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, she was still affected by Jaejoong’s presence.
She tried hard not to create any noise as she went out to the veranda. She was feeling so suffocated. Somehow she wanted to just ran away and leave everything behind just like what she did before. She was afraid that she would betray herself if she stayed any longer.
A deep sigh escaped from her. She was feeling like all her secrets would be revealed one by one, the longer she stayed near Jaejoong.
“I thought I had forgotten you… I guess I was wrong,” she softly uttered. Slowly she smiled. A star was twinkling brightly up in the sky, quite far from the other stars. “Are you lonely too? I remember we used to wish on stars when we were little. I wonder if he still remembers me…”
The darkness around the veranda was quite comforting for Ellie. It was something she was used to. She had always loved the dark. After that horrible incident, she had lived in the dark. It was her friend. And it was the only thing that somehow covered all the traces of her past. Whenever she was feeling lonely or sad, she would always try to find a dark spot and just sit there for hours. Allowing the darkness to swallow her up was a routine for her. There were times that she wished that she would just disappear totally. There were times she wished that the darkness would just hide her forever.
“It’s cold… You shouldn’t be here,” a man’s voice suddenly uttered.
Frightened, Ellie quickly looked around to where the voice came from. And out from the darkness, a familiar face appeared.
“Jae…”
“Here…” he uttered as he offered her a coat. “It’s cold. You might get sick,” he said again with concern.
Ellie stared at the coat that was being given to her. She was somehow frozen.
“Ellie, are you all right?” he asked.
She quickly snapped out of what she was thinking and just took the coat. She was really beginning to shiver because of the cold. The robe she was wearing wasn’t enough to make her warm. “Thanks,” she uttered shyly.
“It’s late. You shouldn’t be here,” Jaejoong said in a concerned manner.
Ellie looked at Jaejoong. And her heart started to beat faster as she stared at him more closely. He was still the same Jaejoong she fell in love with. He still had the most wonderful smile and the most heart catching face.
And as the moon slowly cast a faint light down on where they were standing. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the dream like effect it had on Jaejoong. Somehow it made him into a more desirable being. Someone no one could resist staring at. He was like a god, a perfect creation that had gone down from a mystical land.
“What’s wrong? Why are you staring at me?” Jaejoong nervously asked. He felt like he was on fire as Ellie continued to look at him. Somehow he wanted to just hold her in his arms and never let go. He slowly looked at the stars and smiled after he saw the small and lonely star. “You’re lonely too?” he unconsciously uttered at the star.
Ellie couldn’t explain what she was feeling. “God, he’s still the same Jaejoong I knew,” she said in her mind.
“Do you like stars?” Ellie couldn’t help but ask.
Jaejoong glanced at her for a few seconds before returning his gaze at the stars. “When I was young I had a special friend. She was my best friend. We would stare at the sky and talk to the stars that we see. It was like a habit for the two of us to search for a lonely star and talk to it … so to keep it from being lonely. A bit crazy huh? But we were happy that way,” he slowly narrated their story. Just thinking back of those times was making him teary-eyed. Ellie couldn’t believe what she heard. He spoke about them… He spoke about her.
“Where… where is this special friend of yours now?” she asked and pretended that she didn’t know what he was talking about.
“She’s gone. I didn’t take care of her so… I lost her. It was already too late before I realized what she really meant to me. She left and disappeared completely,” he answered sadly.
Ellie felt her heart was being pricked by a million needles. And somehow a part of her wanted to tell him that she was just standing in front of him.
“Are you still looking for that special someone you lost?” she couldn’t help but ask again. She felt she needed to know.
Jaejoong nodded slowly. His eyes still focused on the sky. He couldn’t dare look at her. Just being so close to her was already too unbearable for him, and he knew if he looked at her, he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions anymore.
“Yes, I am still looking. But I think she doesn’t want to be found. I messed up big time when she was still in my life. I made a mistake and it cost her… her life. I know she would never forgive me even if I found her again. But you see… I was young back then, foolish and totally inconsiderate. I had so many things in my mind… things that I thought I wanted. I didn’t know that it was her that I wanted all along. It was already too late when I found out that … I loved her. She was already gone and everything was already done. Because of me, she got hurt and she suffered an imaginable pain… a pain, I know I can never erase even if I wanted to,” he uttered with a trembling voice. He wanted to tell her everything that he was keeping inside.
“God…he loves me? He said he loves me… Can this be true? Is this real?” the questions started to fill up Ellie’s mind.
Ellie looked away from Jaejoong. Everything she heard was too much. It made her more confused and her heart was starting to soften. She didn’t want that. She wanted to hate him. Though she knew beside from the hate she was feeling, there was still a love she had tried so hard to hide and forget.
“You’re right…. It’s late. I should return to my room,” she quickly uttered as she was about to leave. She had already heard enough. She didn’t want to get more confused as it is.
“Wait…” Jaejoong suddenly said.
“What is it?” Ellie asked as she faced him.
“If you were in her position, tell me… do you think… you can forgive me?” Jaejoong asked as he now looked straight at Ellie.
“Sorry…. but no. I am not the type that would easily forgive and forget,” Ellie replied. Her answer was the truth, but it somehow brought a sharp pain in her heart. She knew it would also hurt Jaejoong, but she decided that he needed to know.
With a broken heart, Jaejoong nodded as he accepted Ellie’s answer. His eyes softened and there was a hint of sadness on his face. “I see. At least now I know where I should stand…” he uttered in a low voice.
Ellie stared at Jaejoong. And it was then she noticed the tears that were forming in his eyes.
“You will need to accept everything that happened. Try to move on… Maybe your special someone has already done the same. So I suggest that you just forget about her and move on with your life. You don’t need to continuously worry about her… I bet she’s off somewhere having a wonderful time...” Ellie said as she tried hard not to break into tears herself.
“Forget? I don’t think I can do that. She’s a part of me that I can never forget,” Jaejoong uttered softly.
“Suit yourself. I am going now… I don’t think I can listen to more of your personal problems. It’s too annoying,” Ellie said in an irritated manner. She needed to lie and pretend. She knew any moment now, her own tears would surely appear. She then hurriedly turned around and walked away without even taking a glance at Jaejoong.
After she left, Jaejoong again gazed at the star up in the sky.
“Thank you Ellie for your answer.…” Jaejoong said as his tears raced down his cheeks. “Now I know what is truly in your heart…I will try to let go of you now. I hope that you will be happy with your new life. Don’t worry. I will never bother you again. From now on… I will stay away from you… as far as I can. I hope this way I can at least pay for all the wrong things I have done. Please stay safe and happy always… I love you.”
CHAPTER 24
“What?” Alexa asked with her eyes fully rounded with shock.
Muko and all her friends were in Ah Sang’s apartment. They immediately went there to discuss about Muko’s problem.
“I can’t believe your sister said that. Right now, I am feeling like she should really die or something,” Karin somehow whispered as she shook her head in total disbelief.
“Karin, don’t you dare say that about my sister,” Muko said in a high tone. She was already hurt with what was happening to Hikaru. And no matter how bad other people may see her sister, she still considered her to be the most wonderful person in the whole world.
“Sorry,” Karin spoke softly as she lowered her head and just stayed quiet afterwards.
“But Karin’s right. How could your sister demand such a crazy thing from you? It’s like telling you to commit suicide. Isn’t it enough that she literally manipulated you and Micky to marry each other? Now look at the two of you… It’s like you barely want to be 10 feet near each other,” Tantan said in defense for Karin.
Muko lowered her head. She didn’t know what to say next. She knew that her friends had a point, but she loved Hikaru no matter what she did. She was willing to do anything just to make her happy.
Ah Sang looked at Muko more closely. “Don’t tell us you’re really planning to follow what your wicked sister said?” she asked slowly. Muko slowly lifted her head and looked straight at her friend. “I love Hikaru. And I will do anything just to make her happy.”
“Oh! For God’s sake! You’re not a saint. You can’t possibly be serious!” Ah Sang said in a loud voice. She was totally stunned and angry both at the same time.
“Hey, think it over Muko. Sleeping with Micky can be considered acceptable on some grounds… But having his child? I think that is a little bit too far. You already want to break it off with him right? So all of a sudden… you’re going back to him again? And you’re considering of getting yourself pregnant with his child just to satisfy your dying sister? Even if your intention has a noble side, I would still consider it as stupid… Sorry,” Yuuki said with a sharp tone.
“It’s like you’re suddenly putting an innocent child into a helpless and miserable situation. Sorry to say this… but what happens after your sister dies? Have you ever considered that? What about the child? What about you? Just looking at your current situation, I think as soon as the agreement regarding your marriage with Micky is over… he will surely push through with the divorce. So that would leave you with what?” Eve also voiced out her opinion.
“If you’re not worried about yourself… just think about the poor child you will be bringing into this world. A child should be brought up by a father and a mother… and not just one… Believe me, growing up with just your mother will cause some kind of problems for the child later on… Have some pity. Spare an innocent child,” Rainny added.
“Are you really all against me?” Muko couldn’t help but ask out loud. “Yes! We’re your friends. We will never lie to you. And we will never consent on something that we know will have more serious consequences later on… especially when we’re talking about a child’s life…” Jija answered.
“But…. What about Hikaru? Should I just let my sister down? Can’t you guys understand that it is her last wish… She wants to see her niece or nephew before she …”
Muko bit her lower lip to stop herself from crying. Somehow she was expecting some kind of sympathy and support from his friends. But she never expected that all of them would totally have a strong disapproval of what she was planning to do.
“We’re not your enemies, Muko. We are here to help you. But we won’t help in something we know isn’t right,” Nitoome softly uttered.
“But always remember…. no matter what you decide… we will always respect it. We just want you to hear our opinions first. So you can have different views on what you’re planning to do. It’s like giving you the pros and cons on your problem. We aren’t condemning you or anything like that…” Kumiko said with a smile.
Ah Sang sighed. “I might sound harsh. But I just want you to know how I feel because I also love you. We all love you. We already know you’re hurting because of your current situation with Micky. So if you continue with what Hikaru wants… then it will just make matters more complicated. Please think it over one hundred times more.”
“Better yet think it over a million times…” Syaira added.
Muko shook her head. “Hikaru doesn’t have much time left. Please understand. I need to do this. I want to make her happy before she… goes…”
“You’re being narrow-minded. You want to make Hikaru happy? Think about Micky and the child you will be having… Listen to yourself… You’re actually planning to have a child for a very wrong reason. You want to be a nun, remember? Didn’t they teach you about the importance of life and the true meaning of having a child? A child is supposed to be brought into this world because two people love each other. And not because someone told you to have one,” Anam uttered without any conscience.
Muko was somehow stunned with what her friend said. It was very strong and it affected her so much that she immediately burst into tears. “I thought you guys would understand. I am sorry… But I need to leave now…” she said as she hurriedly left Ah Sang’s apartment.
“Hey, Muko… wait,” Kumiko tried to stop their friend.
“I need to be alone now… I will just call you guys later,” Muko tried to utter before finally leaving.
As soon as Muko was gone…
“We were too tough on her,” Syaira uttered to the others.
“It’s okay. She needs to hear all the bad things anyway. We can’t just tell her it is all right when we all know it isn’t,” Yuuki replied.
“Anyway everything will still depend on her decision. But I do hope that she chooses the right decision,” Ah Sang added.
“Poor Muko, it seems her life just gets more complicated as days pass by,” Nitoome uttered with a sigh. “I just wish that Hikaru would somehow find the light and change her last request. Honestly… it’s her that is making everything difficult for Muko,” Jija said out loud.
The other girls nodded their heads in agreement.
“Yes, let’s all pray that something happens and Hikaru’s plan doesn’t happen,” Anam said.
************
Later that same day…. A knock suddenly made Micky stop and stare at his door. He was currently reading a book. Thinking it was one of the boys, he quickly went to the door
“Hey, why are you guys knocking all of a sudden?” he said with a smile which immediately disappeared after he saw who was standing in front of his room. “Muko?”
Muko’s eyes were red from crying non-stop and she was still sobbing.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Micky asked with concern. He immediately touched her face.
Muko unexpectedly embraced Micky and cried in his arms. “I am sorry… I don’t have anyone to run to. Even my friends are all against me… Please I need someone… I need you now,” she uttered with a low voice.
CHAPTER 34
Fate was quietly looking outside the window in the living when….
“Fate . . .” a voice softly uttered which suddenly made her turned around with fright.
“M… Max…” she nervously uttered. “Why… Why are you here?” she asked as different emotions quickly raced into her heart.
As Max slowly moved closer, she somehow wanted to just ran away and leave. All her fears suddenly made her into a coward again.
“Why are you here? Who let you in?” Fate asked again this time with a much higher tone.
Max sadly smiled at her. “Is that your way of greeting me… after being away for so long? I missed you.”
Fate felt like her heart had instantly stopped with the last three words that Max said. She was immediately made speechless by those words. She missed him badly as well. And it was too painful for her as she realized that she can never go back to him..
Max was already standing right in front of Fate when he slowly reached out and gently caressed her left cheek. It was the usual gesture that he always makes before he greets her. “Hello… Fate,” he said with a sad tone in his voice.
Fate couldn’t stop herself from staring straight into Max’s eyes. The longing and sadness were all so visible and it was shattering her heart into pieces.
“Max…” she suddenly uttered his name.
Within seconds, Max quickly drew Max into his arms.
“I missed you,” he again uttered like he was about to cry.
Fate stood like a frozen statue as Max tightly held her in his arms. Her mind was telling her to break free from his embrace, but her heart was also telling her that it is where she truly belonged.
“Why? Why did you leave me? I know I was a fool! And I’m sorry for all the bad things that I did to you. I… I was jealous and so consumed by anger that I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t see the truth,” he tried to explain. “Please forgive me, Fate…. Please let me make it up to you.”
Fate didn’t know what to say. Somehow she wanted to just forget everything that had happened and pretend that there were no problems in their lives. She wanted to pretend that she was free to love just like before.
“Fate, please forgive me. Please…. come back to me,” Max uttered as he slowly released Fate and went down on his knees.
“Max, what are you doing?” Fate suddenly asked out loud. She tried to make Max stand up again, but he just kept on kneeling down in front of her with his head bent down.
“Please don’t marry, Norman. I want you back. I need you. I still love you… I am willing to do anything you say just promise me… you’ll return to me. Please,” Max continued to beg.
Fate felt like her heart was slowly being crushed. She never imagined that Max would do something so degrading to himself just to ask her forgiveness. It was hurting her to see him in such a situation.
“Max, I forgive you. I already forgave you a long time ago. So you don’t need to do this…” she said in a tone like she was about to cry as well.
Max quickly hugged Fate as he knelt down. “If you really forgave me, then come back to me. Let’s go back to Japan. Then… then… let’s start all over again,” he said as his hold on her tightened.
Fate bit her lower lip to stop herself from bursting into tears. She needed to control her feelings. She needed to lie for everyone’s sake.
“Max, I’m sorry… but it’s all over. We can’t go back to the same way we used to be. Things have changed and there are a lot of complications now. So I’m sorry. But you will need to let me go,” she said as her voice quivered continuously.
“No, I will never let you go. I… I just thought that you needed some time to be alone. That’s why I didn’t go after for you. I decided to give you enough time to heal yourself. I thought that … that… Aaahhh! I can’t let you go. I won’t let you marry Norman. You’re mine, Fate! I love you and I know you love me too. Please come with me… Let’s start again… I promise I will change and make it up to you. I promise I will never hurt you again,” Max said as he finally cried and his body trembled as he sobbed.
One by one, Fate’s tears started to fall. She wanted to say that she was willing to start all over. But Norman’s threats wouldn’t leave her alone. She was afraid of all the consequences once she backed out of her agreement with Norman. She knew Max and the other members of DBSK would suffer greatly once Norman decides to ruin them. With trembling hands she started to loosen herself from Max’s embrace. Then she started to move away from him.
Max was stunned and hurt. He looked at Fate with questioning eyes as he continued to kneel down.
“What’s wrong? Why? Don’t you love me anymore?” he asked out loud.
“I… I am sorry. But we can’t be together anymore. You just wasted your time coming here. Go back! Just pretend that you never met me… and I will just do the same,” Fate uttered as tears continuously fell from her eyes.
Max quickly stood up and he tried to hold Fate’s hands, but she avoided him and moved farther away from him.
“Stop it Max! It’s over! Can’t you understand? We’re finish. What we had before is already in the past. We can never go back…. You have already hurt me in a way that the scar will never heal. I think parting ways is the best for us. You can concentrate on your career and fans. I can go back to racing and face a new and happy married life with Norman,” Fate started to say.
“No! You can’t marry him. I am sorry. Please let’s start all over,” Max begged continuously as if he was going mad.
Fate shook her head. “I don’t think we can ever work out Max… Even from the start, we already had so many problems. I tried to hold on and stay strong because I loved you. But you just took everything for granted. You were selfish. You never even considered how I was feeling or what I was going through. Do you know how many times, I just kept on dreaming that you would suddenly come to me and say that everything would be all right? But it never happened. You just took care of your own hurt feelings. And you just kept on hurting me more and more. So I guess it’s just fair that this time. I think about my own feelings and take a different path, a path away from you. Yes, I have forgiven you… but the pain is still here in my heart. No matter how many times you say sorry… it won’t bring back the life of our child. So forgive me…But let’s just move on and live like we never met. I don’t think I can live my life with you by my side. Just looking at you…. makes me sick and remember all the pain and especially my poor baby… I can’t go back to you, Max. I don’t think I have the strength to do so. I am sorry…” she said as she slowly turned and started to walk away.
“I love you… Can’t you forgive me?” Max cried out.
Fate suddenly stopped walking. “Not anymore… my love for you was something I had forgotten the moment my child died,” she coldly uttered before she finally walked away and went straight to her room.
Max slowly fell down on his knees and started to weep uncontrollably. He couldn’t believe what he heard. He couldn’t believe that Fate could no longer be with him.
“Aaaaaahhhh!!!” Max cried out. He hated himself so much that he wanted to just die. He was the one to blame for everything that happened. Everything was his fault. And now he could no longer be with the only woman he ever loved. He was a fool, a coward and a bastard. Fate was right. He didn’t deserve to be with her again. She deserved someone better… someone who wouldn’t hurt her… someone who would take care of her no matter what happens. She needed a new life… a life without him.
Inside Fate’s room… Fate cried continuously too…
“Sorry Max, but I have to do this, for your sake and your friends as well. Please be happy, Max… And even though I am already in another man’s arms… you will still be the only one in my heart. I love you, Max. I will be praying for you everyday”
