I'D RATHER (ONE SHOT)

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to fall in love with the right man at the right time. But I guess that is something that I will never know. Because no matter what I do, the timing is always wrong.

How can you hold on to a love that you don’t have any control of? How can you say that you really love someone when you don’t even have the right to say that you know him? How can you say that he loves you when you only see him once every few months? How can you tell yourself to be patient when you already know that you’re already tired and that your heart has already had enough?

Some people might call me a fool for leaving behind the most important person in my life. But I know deep inside what I did was right. Yes, we might have been in love, but it is something that would eventually fall apart in the end. So I just decided that it is better to end the dream early than keep on dreaming for something that will eventually hurt us both.

He lives in a different world, very different from mine. We both live in two colliding worlds that can never turn into one.

“What’s wrong?” the man slowly circled his arms around me and tried to hold me close. But I just avoided his touch and faced him with a cold expression on my face.

“Yoochun, I can’t do this anymore,” my voice was already quivering. Even though I was trying to act strong, I knew my heart was already bleeding.

He looked at me with confusion in his eyes. “What are you trying to say?”

I looked away. Somehow I couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes. “Let’s break up, Yoochun. I am already tired and I can’t pretend anymore. We have been trying to hold on but…” I stopped as tears slowly ran down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I promise I will try to make up. Please don’t do this. I love you,” he begged.

I slowly faced him as tears clouded my eyes. “I am tired Yoochun. You were never around when I needed you. When I am lonely and sad, all I could do is look at your picture. I can’t even call you because it’s not allowed. When I miss you and I want to see you, all I can do is watch you on tv or on the computer. And the thing that hurts me most is when I go around and see other people walking around with the people they love… walking, hand in hand… whispering and laughing together. We haven’t even gone out ever since we started this relationship. Do you have any idea how I feel? Do you even care that I can’t feel your love? It’s like I am your personal servant that is supposed to run to you whenever you call and say that you have some free time. Do you know how painful it is for me to feel that way? I am the one who always needs to give way. I am the one who always needs to wait.”

He just looked at me with tears slowly filling his eyes. He knew what I said was right. And he couldn’t think of anything else to say that could somehow make the pain go away.

That was four years ago….

I ended our relationship because I thought it was for the best. But I didn’t really expect that my decision was just going to give me more pain and suffering.

I loved Yoochun. But somehow I just couldn’t accept the fact that even though we love each other, we had no right to be together. He was always busy with work and he had his career to take care of. His career and his fans were more important, and that is what I resented the most.

As soon as I left him, I tried to search for someone else to fill the empty space in my heart. And it was then that I foolishly turned from one love to another. I thought that everything will be okay after sometime, but it never did. I just kept on changing from one man to another like I was changing clothes.

I was lost and there was nothing I could do. There were nights that I would just cry myself to sleep. I knew I made a mistake.

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

All that remains now is regret.

HOW TO LOVE YOU (ONE SHOT)

A cold breeze softly brushed against my skin as I silently listened to the soothing sound of the wind. My mind was totally blank and I was staring at the sky while tears slowly made their way out of my eyes.

It’s been two years… but the memory still lingers in my mind like it was only yesterday. There isn’t a day that passes by that I don’t regret what I had done. I already knew the consequences even before I made the decision. But I didn’t expect that the pain would remain even if the wound had already healed.

A bitter smile suddenly appeared on my lips. I was a fool. And now I was paying the price for what I had done.

***********  Two years ago…

“We will be having a concert next month. So I don’t think I would be able to go out that much by that time. So let’s just make better use of the available time we have right now. I already fixed my schedule so I am totally yours for 3 whole days,” the man sitting in front of me happily said with his eyes still gleaming with excitement.

“3 days? That’s great,” I said with a hint of boredom in my voice. He immediately noticed it and in return, I saw the flash of pain in his eyes.

“Do you have other plans? Aren’t you happy to be with me? If there is anything else that you would like to do, you can just tell me and I will surely…”

“I don’t have any plans. We can do anything you want,” I immediately cut him off. I knew he was going to say something else but I wasn’t really interested in listening to his petty talks.  ******

It wasn’t always like this.

Maybe because he was never beside me when I needed him, or maybe it is because he never gave me enough attention. I know some people may find me to be selfish and totally unreasonable with the way I was treating him. But someone who has truly loved will be the only one who can truly understand me and the situation I was going through.

“Sometimes even the strongest heart can get weak, and sometimes the most loving person can change and get tired from waiting.”

We have been going out for almost a year but during that entire time we were only able to go on a so-called date for a total of three times. One time was when he was with his brother and the other time was when he asked me to go the parking area of their apartment building and the last one was when he secretly went to a convenience store with his friends.

Date?.... I already call those instances as a date. We never got the chance to be alone for more than ten minutes without his manager or his friends calling him on his phone or just appearing to suddenly tell him that it is already time to leave.

Everytime he left me alone, my heart cried silently. I knew who he was. I knew why he needed to hide and pretend that he didn’t have me in his life. But still… my heart ached.

I tried hard to bear the pain and bitterness I was feeling. Every time I saw his face featured in a magazine or he was being interviewed in a show, my heart always leaps up in joy but as soon as it falls down… it goes straight down to the ground.

I know thousands of girls would instantly trade places with me without even thinking… just to have him. BUT… DO I REALLY HAVE HIM?

“How can you say that you have someone when you can’t even hold him in your arms? How can you say that you have someone when you can’t even spend some time alone with him? How can you say that you have someone when you can just hear his voice on the phone? How can you say that you have someone when he locks you up in a secret hiding place so that no one will ever find out about you?”

Sadly, bitterly… this is me…

******

It was exactly on our one year anniversary when I decided that I was already tired and that it had to stop. And so with just a simple goodbye and a foolish reason, I gave up on the only man that I treasured.

*******    Now…

Here I am…

Still staring at the same old picture that I had kept hidden.

Foolish… that’s me.

Back then I said that I was already tired, but right after I gave up on him, it was only then my heart suddenly realized that it wasn’t complete without him.

It was already too late when I suddenly realized my mistake. But I couldn’t turn back time and change what I had done. So all I could do was accept everything and just try to forget.

But I never did… my heart never did…

He was the only man and will be the last…

*******

“Hyo-ju.”

I quickly turned around and saw my friend.

“Yes?” I asked with a smile.

My friend gave me a concerned look. “You’re thinking of him again?”

I lowered my head. “Mianhe, I just can’t help it. He just pops up in my mind and I can’t stop myself from thinking about him.”

My friend shook her head in pity. “It’s been two years. Let go… He’s already very famous and he surely has another girl now. So spare yourself from more pain. Forget him, please.”

I smiled with bitterness and just nodded.

*******

Two years ago… on this exact day… I gave up on him. But until now, my heart continued to call out his name. Now I am wondering when my heart will be able to live on its own again.

As I continued to walk, my feet somehow led me to the same old spot where we once hanged out with his friends. And even though I wanted to turn back and just walk away, I still entered the place. Then I carefully sat at the same table where we once sat.

I was silently drinking a soju when someone unexpectedly sat on the seat in front of me.

“Happy anniversary,” the man uttered.

I quickly blinked my eyes, once, twice, thrice… AM I DREAMING?

“Are you real or just a fragment of my imagination?” I asked, still unable to believe what I was seeing.

The man smiled with the same brilliant smile that sent a thousand stars shining in front of my eyes.

“I am real, Hyo-ju.”

“Junsu,” I uttered.

“Happy Anniversary,” he repeated.

Tears started to fill my eyes. “Are you mocking me?” I asked as my voice started to quiver.

“No. And why would I do that?” he asked seriously.

“How can you say happy anniversary when… we already broke up two years ago?” I asked as I tried to control myself from breaking down.

He carefully took my hand and held it tightly. “Whoever said that we broke up? Two years ago, you said that you were tired from waiting for me and that you wanted to leave. But do you remember what I said to you?”

I looked straight into his eyes, as if asking for the answer. I was totally confused.

Again he smiled. “I told you… I was willing to give you space, if that is what you needed. I was willing to give you freedom, if it is what will make you happy. But remember I also told you that no matter how long it will take, I will wait for you patiently. I never said that I agreed to a break up. So officially we never broke up… My heart still beats for you. And I believe two years is already a very long time for a girl like you to be free… I think it’s time that I take back the most important thing that I have lost, don’t you think so?”he then carefully placed a ring on my finger. “I still love you Hyo-ju. I don’t want to continue living my life without you. Please come back home… back into my arms.”

My heart was already singing in total joy as I happily looked at the ring on my finger. I was finally back where I belonged. I was finally back in the arms of the man I love.

“Sometimes loving someone means letting go, but letting go doesn’t necessarily mean that you will need to forget. It just means giving some space in order for the other person to grow. “

“There are times that we will feel we need a change in our lives. There is nothing wrong with change or with wanting something different. We just have to remember to always look back where we started because most of the time that is where we will find the clue to what is the most important thing in our lives.”

ELORA'S CHRISTMAS WISH (ONE SHOT)

December 1

“Let’s break up…” the words were like tiny bombs that repeatedly exploded inside my heart.

“Wha…what? Why?” I still tried to act rationally as I tried to pick up all the pieces of my heart that were already scattered all over the place.

“I found someone else,” the man answered casually as if he just said something so simple.

“Someone else?” I asked again as my mind started to spin. I couldn’t think straight anymore. I wanted to scream and hit the man in front of me. But I couldn’t… I wouldn’t even dare… even if I was already dying inside. I still loved him. And though he has hurt me, I still want to respect him and his decision.

The tears started to cloud my eyes… And slowly I tried to memorize and lock away the last glimpse of the man whom I have shared the last five years of my life.

************************  December 15

“Elora, wake up. We’re going to be late,” Trina suddenly shouted while she carefully arranged all my things that were scattered on the floor. “You’ve been drinking again? For god’s sake, get over it. He’s just a lousy guy who doesn’t deserve your love. Why don’t you just go out and find yourself another man… a more suitable guy for you. Someone who will take care of you and who will cherish you, someone who isn’t like that horrible guy you were with. I have been telling you for the last five years that he’s no good. But you didn’t listen. Now look at you. While you’re here, wasting your time and your life, crying over him…. he’s out there, celebrating with some cheap girl he picked up from bar. Come on, try to pull yourself together. Today is my special day. You promised me you will come with me … remember?”

Slowly I sat up on my bed and just looked at her with a blank expression on my face. Then without thinking I nodded my head. I didn’t want to disappoint my best friend. So I tried to put on a fake smile and started to act like normal… even if for just one day, for my friend’s sake.

******************************  Night time came, the mask I had carefully put on have slowly faded away. And though the entire place was full of happy faces and cheerful laughs, my heart was still drowning in emptiness.

I sadly stared at my friend as she happily danced with the man she just married. I wasn’t sad for her. But I was sad for myself. While she was rejoicing, I was mourning the love that I had lost weeks ago. I constantly tried to tell myself to just forget him but I don’t think that it would be easy to forget especially when I spent five years of my life with him. And with those thoughts in mind, again I tried to find the only friend that could help my aching heart.

I was already finished with 5 glasses of wine, when Trina quickly took the last glass away from me. “Stop it! Please don’t do this… not on my wedding day… please,” she beg with a sad look in her eyes.

“I… I am sorry,” I tried to utter.

“You promised me you would try to forget and be yourself today. I hope that you would honor your promise,” Trina said softly as I quickly felt the guilt and shame quickly envelop me.

“Sorry, I promise I will try to behave from now on,” I said as a joke.

Trina unexpectedly embraced me, and softly she whispered. “I know it hurts. And I am sorry too that I can’t do anything to ease even one bit of it. But maybe this is a blessing for you. Maybe it’s time that you to look at things differently.” She then looked at me, with the most caring eyes. She knew what I was going through and she was trying to help me in her own way. Somehow I couldn’t stop the tears anymore. My eyes started to fill up with tears. Trina didn’t know what to do so she just decided to follow what she said with a joke. “You know, Christmas is just a few days away, maybe you can make a Christmas wish and you might never know… Santa might give you what you wish for,” she said with a light laugh.

With tears still clouding my eyes, I also laughed. “Yes, you’re right. Just like old times. We always write letters to Santa every Christmas. Who knows, maybe he would be good to me and give me my wish…” I uttered.

Trina nodded and smiled. “Just believe… and pray… everything will surely work out.”

I nodded back. She was right. Maybe it was time to let go…

A sweet melody filled the entire place and it started to make my heart cry again. I quickly tried to think of something that could take my mind off… him. Unconsciously I took out a pen and started to write on a piece of table napkin. The Christmas greeting that I was planning to write somehow went to a different direction.

Merry Christmas. . .  Can I also say these words when my heart is crying out in pain? I don’t know what I did to deserve the pain I am going through right now.  But all I know is that no matter how I try, I just can’t seem to hate you. I have tried to forget you but I still end up thinking about you. Where are you? Are you happy?  And even though I am feeling cold and empty right now,  If there is really a Santa Claus somewhere in this crazy world,  I just want to wish for one thing… I want to wish for happiness. Happiness for you and happiness for me… We may not have been fated to spend the rest of our lives together. But I am still thankful that I was able to share even just a few precious moments with you. Your memories will forever fill my soul with love. I will always keep them close to my heart. And even if I am already in another man’s arms, my love for you will forever live inside my heart. Thank you for everything and goodbye.

Then I carefully took out the engagement ring that I had been taking care of for more than a year now…and carefully wrapped it in the napkin.

******

“Elora, come on… You’re coming with us right? We’re going to the hotel now… We already arranged a room for you,” Trina said as she quickly took my hand and pulled me away from the table.

I wanted to grab the piece of napkin where I placed my heart and soul in. But then I suddenly thought that maybe it was better to leave it. So that way, I was really saying goodbye to everything…

******

A few minutes passed….

A man carefully picked up a piece of napkin that was left lying on the table. He was about to throw it away when he noticed something. Curiously he unfolded the napkin and was surprised to see a ring, he then noticed the writing on the napkin and started to read it. Slowly he felt the pain and sadness of the person who wrote it. He then started to look around. He was somehow wishing that he could meet the person who wrote it. Somehow he wanted to console that person. A few years ago, he was also in that kind of state so he knew how painful and how hard it is to live with such a painful experience. But luckily he met an old man who told him about the true meaning of love and happiness. He could still remember his words.

“There are times that you will love and get hurt in return, but that doesn’t mean that you have to stop loving. It just means that it isn’t the right time yet. So you just have to keep on trying until you finally find the one who is destined for you. Crying, drinking or doing silly things won’t help but will only add more pain and hurt to yourself, so just learn to accept things as they come and try to look at the brighter side of things. Keep that in mind, young man. One day, you will also meet another person like you. I hope when that time comes, you will also help that poor soul. Since you will never know, what fate is planning for you.”

“Junsu, who are you looking for?” Jaejoong curiously asked.

“Aahh, someone left something important on the table. I was kind of hoping that I could give it back to that person,” Junsu answered.

“I see, wait okay, I’ll go and ask around,” Jaejoong said as he quickly left.

******

Minutes passed,

“One of the waiters said that a wedding party just finished before we arrived. And that the bride and some of the bridesmaids are continuing their party in a hotel. And guess what?” Jaejoong asked with a mischievous smile.

“What?” Junsu asked.

“You’re in luck since one of the waiters remembered who sat here. He said that the girl’s name was Elora. He overheard the bride and the girl talking to each other several times so he quickly remembered the girl’s name,” Jaejoong answered.

Junsu smiled happily. “Thank you… and did you by any chance get the name of the hotel that they were supposed to go to?” he quickly asked.

“Yes, of course…” Jaejoong replied. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on but I already know you so long. So I am sure that this is something very important. So come on…I’ll drive,” he said with a wide grin.

*******

Elora quietly slipped out of the hotel room and went straight to the restaurant downstairs. She needed a drink. She was already on her fourth glass when someone suddenly sat down in front of her.

“Sorry to bother you… but are you by any chance Elora?” Junsu asked.

Elora stared at the man sitting in front of her. “Yes, I am Elora. And you are?”

“I am Junsu.”

“Have we met before?” Elora asked while trying to remember the sweet smiling face in front of her.

“Honestly this is the first time we met. Look, I just wanted to return something to you. I believe it is yours,” Junsu replied.

“What is it?” Elora inquired while different questions were filling her mind.

Junsu then carefully took out the piece of napkin that he had found in the bar.

Elora quickly recognized the napkin and the ring in front of her. Immediately she felt strange.

“How… how did you know it belongs to me? And how did you find me?” she asked curiously.

Junsu smiled. “My friend was actually the one who found you. He asked the waiters in the bar.”

Elora lowered her eyes. “You just wasted your time looking for me. I no longer care about that ring. That’s why I left it in the bar. So just throw it away…” she uttered as she continued to sip the wine she was drinking.

Junsu carefully looked at the woman sitting in front of her. “Would you believe in fate?” he suddenly asked.

Elora quickly glanced at Junsu. “Fate?” she asked with a light laugh. “Yes, before I did. But not anymore…”

Junsu smiled. “I believe you need a friend right now…I read what you wrote and I felt the pain that you’re going through. I know how hard it is, since I also experienced the same thing a few years ago. But because of someone I met, I was able to cope and move on. And so now, I also want to do the same. Can you please let me help you as well?”

“Friend?” Elora asked. “I already have many friends. What I need is…” she was about to say something but then stopped. She realized that she was already saying too much to a stranger. “Why am I talking to you, when I don’t even know you?” she quickly asked in a confused manner.

“Yes, you’re right. But you can never say you have too many friends, you know. The more friends you have, the happier your life will be. So how about we just start this properly okay?” Junsu said with a sweet smile. “Hello, I am Kim Junsu,” he said as he formally introduced himself and offered his hand to her.

Elora stared at the hand in front of her. She knew it was strange but something was telling her to accept it. And after a few minutes of thinking, she finally decided.

She smiled back at Junsu, as she handed her hand as well. “I guess it’s really fate then…Hello, I am Elora,” she uttered with a light laugh. She was thinking that she was being silly by giving in to Junsu’s sweet talk.

Junsu suddenly gave Elora the most charming smile that somehow made her heart feel lighter. She then started to think…. “Maybe he’s right, maybe I do need another friend.”

And as their hands touched, a different kind of spark somehow emanated from it.

Junsu couldn’t help but smile again. He knew it was going to be the start of something beautiful… It was going to be the start of their true happiness….

 

LOVE ME AGAIN (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 29)

CHAPTER 29

Ellie’s heart quickly felt heavy as soon as she saw Jaejoong lying on the hospital bed. He was still sleeping when she arrived.

“Did you come here alone? Is Krizzia and Samar with you?” U-Know curiously asked while continuously looking at the door as if expecting somebody else to enter the room.

“They already returned home. I told them that I would just call them up when I want to go home already,” Ellie answered.

“Jaejoong will surely be happy to see you,” Xiah said with a wide smile.

“The nurse just finished sedating him. But we can still wake him up, if you want,” Max added.

Ellie shook her head. “No, that’s not needed. Let him rest for now. Anyway I am not going anywhere until he wakes up. I am going to stay here and watch over him,” she answered as she moved closer to Jaejoong. But she immediately stopped walking after realizing she was already getting too close to him. She was afraid that she might suddenly get another panic attack if she wasn’t careful. She then just contented herself with looking at Jaejoong. “If only I could touch you and make you feel how much I care. God knows how much I want to comfort you right now… but I can’t. I’m sorry Jae,” she uttered with a low voice. She slowly closed her eyes and tried to fight back her tears. She felt miserable that she couldn’t even get close to the one and only man she had loved.

Max, Xiah and U-Know just watched in silence while Ellie stood near Jaejoong’s bed. They pitied both Ellie and Jaejoong because of the situation that they were in. Somehow they could never imagine being in such a miserable state. They knew that neither of them would ever be able to handle such emotional pain like what Jaejoong is doing.

“You should sit down Ellie. You wouldn’t want to collapse too, would you?” Xiah said with concern.

Ellie glanced at Jaejoong again before finally sitting down on the chair near the bed. “You guys should rest. You all look quite tired. Maybe you would like to go home and sleep. I can take care of Jaejoong for you.”

“We’re not tired. Hyung has always been the one who always took care of us when we were sick or just feeling low. It’s our time now to return all the kindness and love he has showered us,” Max replied.

Ellie’s heart was suddenly filled with happiness. “He’s lucky. He found such good friends.” She slowly glanced back at her sleeping prince before finally looking straight at Jaejoong’s friends. “I guess… you already know the truth right?”

Max, Xiah and U-Know just nodded and stayed silent.

Ellie took a deep breath before speaking again. Somehow she wanted to gather enough strength first before finally revealing everything. “Jaejoong and I, we grew up together. We were always together when we were younger. Or the more correct thing would be… I was always following him,” she slightly laughed after remembering all the silly things she had done just to be with Jaejoong. “He was two years older than me but we still managed to be the best of friends. There wasn’t a moment during our free time after school that we weren’t together. We would always play at the park, watch TV at my house or his house, go to different stores to buy cookies, chocolates or ice cream, or we would just end up making a big mess at their kitchen or our kitchen. He was always welcome at my home, the same way I was always welcome at his house. Our parents knew each other and we were even allowed to sleep over at each other’s homes. We were that close, you see… That time was the most wonderful time in my entire life…” she suddenly stopped talking. She needed to gather strength again to continue talking.

All the three DBSK boys continued to listen. They all wanted to know everything and they knew that just by listening to Ellie, they were also helping her somehow.

“I… I always thought that our time together would never end. I always thought he would always be beside me until we grew old. I guess by now… all of you already know how I feel about him?” she suddenly asked again and looked at the men sitting right in front of her.

U-Know smiled and nodded. “We could easily see it the very first time that we saw the two of you together. The way you looked at him and the way he looked at you, we knew that there was something about the two of you. Even though we weren’t sure what it was, we already had an idea that you knew each other somehow.”

Ellie again glanced at Jaejoong. “I never thought I would be able to meet him again… not after…” she stopped talking and tried to brush away the memories that were clouding her mind. “We were already happy… We were already living a happy and contented life when… something happened. He fell in love and changed.” Ellie felt like her heart started aching again after remembering Min Rin. “Min Rin was a very nice girl. I guess it was quite impossible for him not to fall in love with her. But after… he and Min Rin got together, I was suddenly thrown out of the picture.” Suddenly Ellie started to sob and tears fell from her eyes. “The inseparable pair of Ellie and Jaejoong was suddenly replaced with Jaejoong and Min Rin. No matter how much I tried to draw him back to me… he was already too deeply in love with Min Rin to even notice that I existed too. Suddenly I was forced to walk alone after school and endure all the bullying the other girls in school made just because he was my best friend and they didn’t think I was fit to be beside him… I tried to bear with all of those things. I didn’t want him to think that I depended too much on him. I tried to make myself strong and just move on with my life. After a few weeks of being alone, I finally got the hang of it. All that mattered was Jaejoong’s happiness. That was the only thing that kept me going. As long as he’s happy, then I am also happy. But… I never thought that things would get much worst. It was my birthday when… it happened.”

“Ellie, please stop. You don’t have to continue. I know it must be very painful to talk about it,” Max uttered with worry written all over his face.

Ellie shook her head. “It’s all right. I want to get things out in the open. I am no longer afraid. I want to be brave now. I’m already tired of hiding.” She gently brushed away her tears and smiled. “It was my birthday when I became so unlucky. I was such a silly girl, you see. It was already dark but I still continued to wait in the park… for my best friend who promised me that he would spend the day with me. I believed his words and I wanted to hold on to his promise. So I waited and waited until… they… came.”

“Ellie,” Xiah uttered as if begging her to stop.

But Ellie just continued and just closed her eyes. She was no longer afraid. She needed to be brave if she wanted to overcome her fear. It was time to take away her mask and finally reveal her true self, the broken Lena.

“I…I was raped that night… exactly on my birthday. I was quite unlucky huh?” she suddenly tried to ask jokingly, but the bitterness and pain quickly made her sob again… “When I finally woke up from that horrible event… I was already in the hospital. I was badly beaten to the point that I couldn’t even open my mouth, let alone move my lower body. They had to operate on me because… those bastards not only raped me but also… inserted… things into me. And because of that… I could never have any children now…” Ellie suddenly broke down into a pitiful cry.

“Please stop,” U-Know repeated as tears also formed in his eyes. What they were hearing was already too much for them. It was tearing their hearts out and making their hearts bleed, the same way that Jaejoong’s heart must be bleeding whenever he remembers what happened to the woman that he loves.

Ellie drew in another deep breath. With her eyes still closed, she continued. “The police couldn’t find any specific evidence to help in my case. So in the end, I was left with nothing. No justice and no future. That’s when I decided to disappear. We were already supposed to go on a long vacation and so we just decided to make it into a permanent one. No goodbyes, no more ties…. to everything and everyone who had any connection to that day. On that unfortunate day, Lena died along with all her hopes, dreams and future.”

With tears flooding her eyes, she finally looked at the men sitting in front of her. “After that day, I changed everything, my name, my face, and even my past. I tried to make myself believe that nothing happened to me. I tried so hard to bury all my horrible experiences and just move on with my life. But the memories wouldn’t leave me alone. Sometimes the memories return like ghosts in the night and just haunts me even in my sleep. That’s why I was admitted in a mental institution. I was in and out of different institutions that everyone was already calling me names. I was already a hopeless case… until Samar and Krizzia came along. They helped me and took care of me patiently. It was then that I started to get better and here I am today. I may not be one hundred percent cured but I can say that I am trying to live my life the best that I can. Before all I wanted was to hide. There was even a point in my life that I blamed all the bad things that happened on Jae and I also planned of taking revenge on him… But after seeing him again, everything just changed and what I want now is to live. I want to be able to live again like a normal person. Even though I know I am no longer good enough for him… I am willing to be just another friend as long as I can stay by his side. Before I always told myself that he was my sunlight and that I was his shadow. You can call me greedy or selfish, but I don’t care anymore. I want my sunlight back in my life again. I think even a broken piece of glass like me can still have some special use. I don’t care if Jaejoong really loves me or not. I know that there is a chance that he just feels pity for me or even guilty of what has happened in the past. I am willing to be just his shadow. I am willing to offer my life again to him. I don’t care if he just uses me or if in the end, when he finally finds the girl of his dreams… he throws me out again. I won’t mind. As long I can have more time with him I will treasure all the time we can share until the day comes that he finds his true happiness. So please let me stay by his side. I swear I won’t cause any problem. Just let me be in his life again,” Ellie bowed her head and was somehow begging.

U-Know shook his head. He knew that this whole situation was going to be tough not only on Jaejoong and Ellie but also on Micky as well, and all of them as a group. “Ellie, you don’t have to ask our permission to stay by Jaejoong’s side. He loves you and we respect his decision. We will always support him and whatever his decision will be.”

“Thank you… thank you,” Ellie uttered as she continued to cry in happiness.

Unknown to all of them, aside from Ellie, another person was silently crying. Jaejoong who suddenly woke up from his sleep accidentally heard everything that Ellie said. Afraid that he would somehow embarrass Ellie, he just decided to continue pretending to be asleep. But he wasn’t prepared for all the things that he heard, especially when Ellie begged his friends to allow her to be by his side again. Somehow all the anguish, pity and remorse were washed away with a never ending happiness.   “Thank you Ellie. I love you and I promise I will try to make up for everything I’ve done. Promise I will never make you cry again,” Jaejoong silently promised as tears continued to secretly fall down his cheeks.

*******************

Outside Jaejoong’s room, a third person was also silently crying. Micky, who was secretly listening heard Ellie’s confession. His heart was totally shattered when Ellie told everyone that she still wanted to be by Jaejoong’s side. He couldn’t believe that Ellie would be brave enough to openly admit her dark past just to be with Jaejoong. Before he had an advantage since Ellie was trying so hard to hide her past but now that she already admitted to still loving Jaejoong and has personally revealed all her secrets, what will happen to him now?...

Hurt and anger clouded Micky’s heart. He needed to think fast or else he would lose the girl that he has learned to love. Slowly dark plans started forming in his mind. “Sorry Jae… but Ellie’s mine,” he uttered with a frightening smile.  

LOVE ME AGAIN (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 28)

CHAPTER 28

“Where are you?” a girl’s voice echoed out of the darkness.

Slowly a figure started to appear. It was a young girl. She was somehow searching for someone in the middle of the darkness.

“Where are you?” she cried out again. She struggled to move forward but an unknown force was somehow forcing her back to where she started. The faint glow that was emanating from her was growing weaker and weaker by the minute. And as the light faded, she was starting to grow weaker as well.

The girl started to cry again. She was feeling so hopeless and crying was the only thing that she could do. No matter how much she tried to get away from the darkness, it still continued to follow her and surround her like it was a part of her that she could never get away from.

The girl tried to look around her but she couldn’t see anything. With tears running down her cheeks, she smiled bitterly. She finally accepted everything now. This was her fate. There was no other way out. She needed to embrace the darkness for it is the only friend that she had now.

The girl slowly sat down on the spot where she was standing. Then she huddled herself as the coldness started to grow. She tried to rock herself back and forth and started to hum a song. She was trying to make herself forget where she was. She was trying to make herself forget… everything.

Slowly… the girl started to fade away… and with the last note of her hum… the darkness finally covered her completely.

*********************

“Jaejoong, wake up….Jaejoong,” Xiah shouted as he worriedly shook Jaejoong into consciousness.

Pale and covered in cold sweat, Jaejoong quickly got up and looked at Xiah with a confused expression on his face. “What… happened?” he asked slowly.

“You were having a bad dream,” Xiah answered. “We were worried sick about you. I was trying to wake you but you wouldn’t wake up so I called the others.”

It was only then Jaejoong started to look around. He then saw Max, U-Know and Micky standing right next to Xiah. He was still confused. The dream he just had was still clear in his head.

“I, I saw a girl in my dream…” he started to say.

Max carefully handed him a towel. “Dream? You can tell us all about it later. Just rest first and relax. Honestly you’re so pale. It’s like you’ve just seen a ghost. Let’s just stop talking about scary stuffs okay? You’re scaring me already,” he said as he smiled and patted his friend on the shoulder.

Jaejoong stared at Max. He was trying to think of something to say, but his head was totally blank except for the images of the young girl. He sighed and just nodded. He needed to relax, he suddenly told himself.

He quickly got out of his bed and was about to go to the bathroom when his vision started to get blurry. Within minutes, everything started spinning and he just dropped to the floor.

“Jaejoong!”

***************************

“Doctor…” U-Know uttered as an elderly man entered the hospital room.

The old man went straight to Jaejoong and started to examine him and all the equipments that were attached to his body.

“Doctor, what’s wrong with him?” Max asked.

The doctor signaled the boys to follow him outside the room. And after they were all outside the room, it was then that the doctor faced them.

“Doctor?” Micky uttered.

“Right now, we’re still doing some tests. So we can’t really say what’s wrong with him. Has he been experiencing some major stress lately?” the old man asked.

“Stress? What do you mean?” Xiah asked, as if confused.

“Well when he was awake he told one of the nurses that he hasn’t slept for almost two weeks now. Honestly his body is in a bad shape right now because of lack of sleep, lack of nutrition and proper rest. We’re still doing some other tests so we can check what else is wrong with him. Given the fact that he hasn’t slept for two weeks, we’re not surprised that his body finally collapsed. I am more concerned about his mental state though,” the doctor said with a worried look on his face.

The other DBSK boys all exchanged glances. They were suddenly alarmed with what the doctor said.

“Mental state? What do you mean Doctor?” U-Know asked with a quivering voice. Somehow he couldn’t control the fear that was slowly taking over his entire body.

“Well when he was rushed here, he kept on muttering something about a young girl. Then when he woke up, he couldn’t stop asking where the little girl went. He told the nurses that he needed to look for that girl. I think he went on talking about that girl for hours. Do you by any chance have any idea what he’s talking about? Another doctor has already examined him and we both have the same conclusion. Your friend is having delusions and in my opinion, it might get worse if it is left untreated or unresolved. I suggest that after all his medical examinations are finished, he should be referred to a psychologist and he should undergo psychological treatment… if that is okay with you,” the doctor explained.

The DBSK boys had different reactions after hearing what the doctor said. Xiah just lowered his head and started to massage his forehead as it started to ache badly. Max, on the other hand, sighed heavily and just leaned back on the wall and closed his eyes. U-Know, who was standing before suddenly lost his strength and suddenly sat down on the chair near him. He then just stared blankly on the ground in front of him. Micky, who was the only one left with a strong grip on the situation, suddenly stood up from his seat and approached the doctor.

“Doctor, please do whatever is needed to help our friend. He is in a lot of stress right now. Maybe these so-called delusions that he is having are all because of what he is going through. You see, we have another friend who is very close to him and that girl is very sick right now. He’s very worried about her and she’s the only he’s been thinking of for the last few weeks. So maybe… it might explain why Jaejoong is acting this way. As for his physical condition, we have been working really hard these last few weeks since we’re all busy with our work, guest appearances, performances, practices, shootings… Those things have really drained all our energy. Maybe we can just finish up with the medical examinations first then after his health is back, then we can discuss about whether he really needs additional help,” Micky said as he carefully tried to give an explanation to what might be the cause of Jaejoong’s condition.

The old man nodded. “Ah, I see. If that is the case, then it might really explain everything. I will be adding that information on my report so that the other doctors who will be examining him will also be aware of this. But I still suggest that he undergo a psychological examination again after his health is back to normal, just to be sure,” the doctor said.

Micky nodded as well. “After he wakes up, we will certainly inform him of your suggestion and we will tell you right away once he agrees,” he said while trying to control himself. Deep inside, his whole body was feeling very cold. It was like his whole body was going to give up any moment now.

“I will be going now. I will be checking up on your friend again after a few hours,” the doctor said as he slowly moved and entered another patient’s room.

After the doctor left, it was then that Max started to cry. U-Know, Xiah and Micky worriedly look at their friend.

“Max, everything is going to be all right. Don’t cry. He’s going to be fine,” Xiah tried to console his friend as he placed his arm around his shoulder.

“We need to be strong for his sake. We don’t need to cry. He’s not that sick. He’s just under a lot of stress, that’s all. He’s fine…” U-Know uttered. He was somehow trying to convince Max and himself as well.

“Why? Why does he have to suffer? Why do they need to suffer? I pity both of them. I just feel so sad for them..” Max uttered in between sobs.

Micky looked away. He couldn’t bear to see his friends in so much worry and grief. “He’s fine. He’s going to be fine. He’s not dead, so you don’t need to cry for him. Please control yourself. You’re really such a cry baby,” he said with a serious tone in his voice.

Max quickly gave Micky a questioning look. “Why? Why are you acting so cold? Is it because now that Jaejoong is sick too… you can finally have Ellie all to yourself? You’re really sickening. Just because of a girl you’re going to throw away your best friend,” he said as he quickly shook his head and looked away as if disgusted with just looking at Micky.

Micky felt a stab of guilt after hearing what Max said. ‘Yes, he was right. He was becoming a total stranger now. And yes, he was willing to throw away his friendship with Jaejoong just to be with Ellie. And even though he didn’t really want it to be this way, he had no choice. It was an unavoidable situation. Ellie needed his help and he felt very drawn to her. No matter how much he tried to control his own emotions he just couldn’t. He was falling more and more in love with her. And he didn’t want to stop just because of Jaejoong’s sake. He knew he was a terrible friend. But his heart was ruling over his mind. He needed to be selfish and numb.’

“What do we do now?” Xiah suddenly asked.

“Let’s just wait until he wakes up and then we will start from there. Let’s talk to him. Maybe we can convince him to take some time off. Have a vacation or something,” U-Know answered.

“Do you think we need to take him away from Ellie? He’s becoming too affected with what is happening to her… Maybe if he stayed away from her…” Xiah started to say again but he suddenly stopped talking and looked at Micky. “That would totally be perfect for you right?” he asked as if mocking him. He was also starting to feel anger towards Micky. He couldn’t stop himself. He knew he shouldn’t, but it just appeared and he couldn’t hide it anymore.

Micky tried to smile as if he wasn’t affected. He was trying to pretend that it was all a joke. He tried to act numb and just started to walk away. He already chose and he had to stick to his decision. No matter what the consequences might be.

U-Know sadly looked at Micky as he slowly moved farther and farther away from them. He couldn’t believe that it was all coming to an end. Their friendship was slowly crumbling and there was no way in putting it back together.

Micky had already changed and even though it wasn’t right, there was a still a part of him that understood Micky’s situation. He somehow understood why he was acting like this. But the loyal friend inside of him is already starting to see Micky in a different light. He was no longer the person they knew. He was a stranger now…

U-Know sighed. He knew that the problems were just starting. This was just the beginning of something more unexplainable. He also knew that the pain was just starting. He then lowered his head and closed his eyes. He suddenly felt pity for Jaejoong, Micky and especially Ellie, three innocent lives that were bound to taste the cruel twist of fate.

LOVE ME AGAIN (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 27)

CHAPTER 27

Silence. The maddening silence continued to prevail in the room as the time passed by slowly. The truth was finally revealed and now there was no turning back. They needed to face reality now and try to decide what direction they were going to take.

Jaejoong and Ellie sat on opposite sides of the room. And as they continued to face each other, different thoughts were playing on their minds. Words were repeating in their minds but both of them were too afraid to voice out all the things that they wanted to say.

Finally, it was Ellie who broke the silence. She didn’t like the stillness that had been going on for hours now. It was like she was back in the place she hated the most, the institution.

“Aren’t you going to ask me… why? Why I left, why I changed my name, why I changed… my face… why I…” she asked in a low and frustrated manner.

“I already know the answer to those questions. So there’s no need to ask…” Jaejoong replied in a low voice as well.

Ellie stared at the man she once knew… She could easily see that he had changed. A lot of things had changed and there was no way to return them no matter how much she wanted. “You’ve changed,” she softly muttered to herself.

Jaejoong bitterly laughed. He had somehow heard the words she said. “Changed? If there is someone who changed, it’s not me… it’s you.”

“You’re right. I am the one who changed totally. But… I had to do it…I, I, I…” she then said to defend herself.

“Why did we have to end up like this Lena?” Jaejoong suddenly asked with a voice that sounded like he was about to cry.

Ellie quickly looked at him with concern in her eyes. After a few minutes of staring at him, she sadly lowered her head. Somehow she couldn’t stand looking at him for such a long time. It was breaking her heart in such a way that the pain was piercing every part of her soul.

Jaejoong closed his eyes. Somehow he wanted to make believe. He wanted to make himself believe that everything was just a dream. “If there was a way to go back, I would have done it a long time ago… If there was a way to…”

“Stop! It’s already in the past. There is nothing we can do now. So stop wishing for something we both know could never happen. It’s just going to be a waste of time…” Ellie said with sadness in her voice.

Jaejoong opened his eyes and directly gazed at Ellie. Then he slowly moved closer to where she was and when he was just a few feet away from her, he slowly knelt down on his knees and lowered his head. “I’m sorry… I know even if I say sorry a million times, it won’t be enough to make up for what I did. But please believe me I never meant for things to turn out that way. Please forgive me…” he uttered as he finally broke down into a pitiful cry.

Ellie felt like her own heart was breaking into a million pieces. Somehow the pain she had been feeling for years was nothing compared to the pain she was feeling while she helplessly watched the only man she loved cry. Even though she wanted to pretend that she wasn’t affected, her tears quickly escaped her eyes that quickly gave away her true feelings.

“Jae,” she tried to utter his name but the words that she wanted to say next were suddenly swallowed and were instantly covered by her tears. She suddenly sobbed. She didn’t want this to happen. All she ever wanted was a happy life with the only man she ever loved. She didn’t want this… a life that was forever stained by a dark past, a past that no matter how much she tried to hide and forget would eventually catch up with her and haunt her as long as she lived.

Jaejoong looked up and saw that Ellie was already crying. His heart also ached. How he wanted to hold her and comfort her but he knew he couldn’t. Tears continuously flowed out of his eyes as he watched her cry in grief. “How I wish I can comfort you Lena, but I know I can’t,” he uttered helplessly.

Ellie looked back at him and smiled bitterly. “I am so confused right now, Jae. I am so confused and mad at the world. Do you know how many times I already asked myself why did it have to be me… Am I that bad to actually deserve that? Or was it just pure bad luck that I was at the wrong place and at the wrong time…”

Jaejoong quickly shook his head in disapproval. “No, you’re not a bad person. You’re the most wonderful, kind and loyal friend a person could ever have. You’re a very special person, Lena. I was just too blinded to actually see that. And I guess, I was just plain stupid. I didn’t see what was already in front of my eyes. I didn’t realize what you really meant to me, not after… I already lost you. I already loved you and I didn’t even knew it.”

Ellie sobbed harder after hearing Jaejoong’s words. Somehow those were the words that she had been waiting for such a long time, those were the words that she was waiting for -- before… before that unforgettable night happened.

Now… no matter how much she wanted to just forget and pretend that she could continue to be happy with Jaejoong already by her side, she knew she would just be lying to herself. There was a dark and empty spot in her life that would surely draw her and Jaejoong into a pit of despair and misery. She already came from that dark pit and she didn’t want to go back. And she surely didn’t want Jaejoong to experience all the pain she went through.

“What now Jae? Where do we go from here? Do we continue and pretend that we don’t know each other? Or do we continue and try to get back the friendship we once lost?” Ellie suddenly asked with tears streaming from her eyes. Somehow she just wanted to get back all the things that she had lost. She knew she couldn’t get back everything, but at least she could get Jaejoong back in her life and for her, it was already enough.

“Let’s try and start again. I want you back in my life Lena. I know it won’t be easy. But I know we can do it, as long as we stay together,” Jaejoong said in a soft but firm voice.

Ellie’s heart danced with joy. Somehow she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Am I dreaming Jae?” she suddenly asked.

Jaejoong quickly got up and tried to brush away his tears, then he lovingly smiled at her. It was the kind of smile he used to give Min Rin whenever they were together. It was the smile that she had been praying for years ago.

“You’re not dreaming Lena. This is real… All of this is real,” he said with the most loving smile that instantly gave the most unexplainable happiness to Ellie.

Because of the happiness he was feeling, Jaejoong unexpectedly approached Ellie and embraced her. It was something he didn’t really plan to do. But it was already too late when he realized what he had done.

Ellie felt the air around her suddenly disappear. She was suddenly running out of air. She wanted to breathe but she couldn’t. She clutched at Jaejoong’s arms. Something was wrong. She couldn’t breathe. She was having an attack. Her mind was somehow starting to run around in circles. She wanted to think of what to do next, but her body was not responding to her. As her consciousness started to fade away, images suddenly emerged out of the darkness of her mind.

Ellie suddenly screamed. She screamed and screamed. The images were getting closer and closer. She was afraid. She wanted to get away but she couldn’t move. She let out another scream before she finally passed out.

*************************************

Several hours later at Ellie’s home.

Jaejoong silently cried in the living room. Somehow he couldn’t accept what was happening.

Max, U-Know and Xiah exchanged glances with one another but couldn’t think of anything good to say so they just lowered their heads in sadness.

“I am sorry Jaejoong. But you already know about her condition right? So please… try to understand,” Samar said with a comforting voice.

“Yes, I do know about her condition. And I accept everything about her… But somehow I can’t stop myself from hurting when I know that the only man who can actually hold her and comfort her… is not me… but Micky. Why??? Why can’t it be me? Why does it have to be him? Why can’t I hold the woman I love? And why do I have to bear the pain of seeing Ellie in Micky’s arms?” Jaejoong suddenly asked out loud.

“If you really love Ellie, you have to bear the pain or else you will be taking away the only chance that she might have in finding a cure for herself. Even if you love her and even if she loves you… that isn’t enough in this situation. What she needs is Micky. So just accept it. Honestly I was hoping that maybe you could be the same with him. I was sort of expecting that after you and Ellie patched things out, maybe her fear of being touched would suddenly disappear. But sadly I was wrong. So that leaves us with the only solution which is him. I may sound harsh and heartless because of what I am going to say… but please try to listen to my words with an open mind and open heart. Ellie has already suffered too long, and if you really love her… can you please give her the chance to have a normal life? I know what I am asking of you is too much. But I know you love her dearly and I also know that you want what is best for her. So please just back away from Ellie… Give her some space so she could explore a life with Micky. Maybe with him… she could find her cure,” Krizzia uttered with a firm voice. She was determined to help Ellie no matter what it took. And she was also willing to sacrifice her own conscience in the process. Her heart was already telling her that she was making a big mistake but she still believes that there is still a chance. So she’s willing to take a chance on Micky now… even if it means hurting Jaejoong and denying Ellie of Jaejoong’s love.

Jaejoong sadly stared back at Krizzia. “I am willing to give up as long as she can be cured. I am willing to bear the pain as long as I know there is a chance that she can be happy. But please don’t ask me to stay away from her. I am willing to just silently watch. I promise I won’t make any trouble. I promise I won’t interfere. So please let me stay by her side, if not as her lover… but as a friend,” he begged.

Krizzia was about to say something when Samar suddenly stepped in. “Krizzia, you already heard what he said. So I think it’s enough for now. You don’t need to ask him to leave Ellie totally. We might never know what that kind of reaction Ellie will have once she learns that Jaejoong is out of her life again. For now, all we can do is observe. The important part is still in Micky’s hands. And hopefully with his help, we can finally put an end to all this misery.”

Krizzia sighed and just helplessly nodded.

A tear unexpectedly ran down Jaejoong’s cheek again. He was willing to wait. He was willing to feel pain. He was willing to do everything for her…

************************************    “Good morning sleepy head,” a familiar voice cheerfully greeted Ellie as she slowly opened her eyes.

The familiar face she was expecting to see was suddenly replaced with the face of someone she just knew and didn’t love. Her heart that was already high in joy slowly started to slip back into its usual place… the place of misery. Somehow she wanted to cry. She was thinking reality was too cruel to her. It came knocking too early… She slowly closed her eyes again… Somehow she wanted to go back to her dream again… at least there, she could be with the one she loves.

BORROWED FROM GOD (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 31)

CHAPTER 31

“Are you serious?” Rainny asked with her eyes wide with shock.

“Are you mad? You’re actually going to let that woman stay in the same house with you? You’re the legal wife, she’s just a former lover,” Eve uttered in a high pitched tone.

“I am going to kill that girl. How could she possibly demand that you leave the house? She’s just crazy… and you’re seriously crazier than her since you didn’t even put up a fight for your man,” Karin said harshly.

Muko lowered her head. She didn’t have the strength to talk and argue with her friends. She just accepted everything they said without any protest. It was better that way and it was faster to let all the tension die away

“Karin, you’re being too cruel. We’re supposed to be on Muko’s side. We shouldn’t be angry with her or having a fight with her,” Eve started to lecture her friend.

Karin pouted her lips. “Fine. Sorry, if I was too hard on you Muko. But you really got me so high… you do know that I have such a bad temper right?” she uttered in an apologetic tone.

“It’s okay guys. I really do understand why you are all acting that way. But please also try to understand that I was just doing what I think was right at that moment. She needs a place to stay and I am more concerned about the baby, so I offered to leave so she would stay,” Muko tried to explain.

Yuuki sighed heavily and then shook her head. “Let’s just stop this conversation okay? This is beginning to be so irritating. How about we just change the topic? We can deal with that girl and her baby later. We are supposed to have fun tonight… not war.”

Ah Sang nodded her head in agreement. “Yuuki’s right. Let’s just forget about that girl for the time being then we can think of what to do with her… tomorrow. We can do a meet-up again tomorrow in Muko’s place.”

Muko’s eyes quickly became wide in horror. “What? No, no… you can’t. You can’t possibly be thinking of going to Micky’s apartment. I don’t want any trouble please,” she started to beg, with tears already appearing in her eyes.

“Hey, whoever said that we’re going to cause trouble? We’re just going to visit you in your new home. There’s nothing wrong with that right? And besides… what can we possibly do to that girl specially when Micky’s going to be there too. We just want to take a look at your current situation and make sure that you’re not being taken advantage of,” Kumiko said while trying to assure her friend.

Muko shook her head in disapproval. “I already know what all of you are thinking even before you finish thinking about it. I won’t allow you guys to come to our house. I don’t want Nan-Hee to feel threatened.”

Syaira gritted her teeth in anger. “You’re really hopeless. Now you’re even protecting the woman who’s trying to steal your husband? Muko, wake up dear. You’re being too kind. Not everyone in this world is a saint like you. You need to open your eyes and see the evil around you.”

Muko stared at Syaira. “Please just leave the current situation to me. I will handle it. And please don’t tell my sister. Hikaru will surely blow up when she learns about Nan-Hee. She’s sick. She needs to rest and I don’t want to add more problems.”

Tantan lovingly wrapped her arms around Muko. “You do know that we love you right? We’re just looking out for you. We don’t want anything bad to happen to you. When you got married to Yoochun, we thought that you were finally saved from your hopeless ambition of being a nun. But given the current situation you’re in, you can’t possibly expect us to just sit and watch while some girl tries to make your life miserable.”

“We have always looked out for each other ever since we were young. And that is what we are doing right now… please don’t take that right from us,” Nitoome added.

Muko sighed heavily. “Honestly I am confused too. But my heart tells me that what I am doing is the right thing to do, so I am just following it. But… if you guys really want to help… then I won’t argue anymore,” she said in defeat.

Tantan smiled with an evil look in her eyes. “Good… and now that is settled… what time are we going to visit?”

Muko felt a sudden chill as she heard her friend’s question. She knew that more trouble was coming her way since her friends were now going to get involved too. But right at that moment, there was happiness in her heart. She was happy that her friends were still the same old friends that always looked out for her whenever she was in trouble. She was happy that even though she could not tell Hikaru about her problem, her friends were still there and were willing to help her.

Sadness quickly filled her heart as soon as she suddenly remembered Hikaru’s condition. “What do I do now? It seems God is trying to punish me now for turning my back on him,” she mindlessly uttered.

“Hey, don’t think that way. God is not punishing you. It’s just a coincidence,” Anam said with a smile.

“You shouldn’t think that God is punishing you because you fell in love. Love is one of God’s gifts to man so he gave you a gift that you should learn to cherish. You should try to take care of it and learn how to protect it,” Eve said with a serious tone.

“Thank you for all your advices. I promise, I will protect the love God gave me,” Muko uttered with a smile.

“That’s our Muko… Fight… and protect your love… We will always be here to support you,” Alexa announced. “And with that… let’s all get our glasses and make a toast.”

Anam laughed out loud. “She’s just trying to get back to drinking.” But she also took her glass and made a toast. “To Muko’s marriage…. and to the despair of Muko’s enemy,” she jokingly shouted.

Muko was about to say something when she suddenly stopped and just laughed out loud. She knew her friend was just joking and that she didn’t really need to add more fire to that topic. She just gulped down the content of her glass and tried to drown away her fears.

*************

Micky was looking out the window. He kept on looking from left to right, as if trying to check if he missed the thing he was looking for. A voice suddenly spoke and interrupted him.

“It’s late Micky. You should go to bed. If you’re waiting for Muko… I think you’re just wasting your time,” Nan Hee said with a low voice.

He quickly turned to face her. “I’m worried. I have tried calling her but her phone’s turned off. I want to call her sister but I’m afraid I might add more problems if I suddenly call her and ask her if she’s seen Muko.”

Nan Hee sighed and then sat down on the bed. “Maybe she’s out and partying. Just go to sleep. She’ll come home when she’s finally done.”

“She’s not like you,” Micky suddenly snapped back with irritation.

Nan Hee looked straight at him. “Yes, I know. But she’s still a woman. A woman who’s hurting and in pain… I am guessing she’s still in a bar and drowning herself in liquor,” her voiced somehow suddenly trailed off. She was somehow seeing herself in the same situation years ago. Alone and crying while drinking one glass of wine after another until she suddenly passed out. And that is how her trouble started. It was the time he met him. The man she was running away from.

Micky saw the sudden change in Nan Hee’s expression. He knew that she was thinking of her past. A sharp pain quickly caused his heart to ache. There was no denying that there was still a certain part of him that still cared about the woman sitting in front of him. But that she was already a part of his past and now there was a more important person that he needed to take care of.

“I’m going out,” he quickly said.

Nan Hee stood up. “Hey, it’s late. Where are you going?” she asked with worry while holding on to Micky’s arm. She was somehow trying to stop him from going out of the room.

“I’m going to look for Muko. I’m going to look for my wife,” he answered with a definite point of tone on the last word he said.

Nan Hee’s hand slowly fell and moved away from Micky. “You don’t have to be so hard on me, you know. I know she’s your wife. You don’t have to keep on reminding me. You’re hurting me, you do know that… don’t you?” she sadly asked.

“Sorry. But I have to keep on reminding you since there are times that you seem to forget. Just like now… you suddenly entered our room without even knocking on the door. This is our room, Nan Hee. Please give some respect to Muko. If she was here and you just appeared, what do you think she would say… and feel?” Micky tried to explain.

Nan Hee nodded her head. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know she hasn’t arrived yet that’s why I didn’t even bother knocking. I know you were alone. So I just decided to enter without asking permission. I won’t do it again, promise.”

Micky nodded his head in acceptance of Nan Hee’s apology. “Just make sure to never do it again. I don’t want any more problems Nan Hee please. I’m already way over my head with problems right now. So please spare me the additional trouble.”

Nan Hee felt like someone just slapped her with the words Micky just said. “Fine, suit yourself. I’m not causing more problems. If you want to look like a fool then go… look for her. I’m sure, she’s in a bar and drinking with some hot guy she just met,” she uttered with a wicked laugh as she was about to go out of the room.

Micky angrily took hold of Nan Hee’s arm and turned her around to face him. “She’s not like you. Don’t you ever compare her to you, do you understand me?” he shouted.

“You’re hurting me!” Nan Hee shouted back at him.

Micky suddenly realized what he had done and immediately released Nan Hee from his grip. “Sorry,” he uttered with a low voice as he quickly went out of the room. His heart was pounding and somehow he couldn’t understand what he was feeling whenever Nan Hee was around him. He knew he was acting strange and he didn’t like it.

************

Somewhere, in a private bar …

Muko stared at the glass of wine that she had been holding for the last fifteen minutes. She again took a quick sip and placed it back on the table.

“Can I ask, what is a beautiful girl like you, doing alone… in a place like this?” a man’s voice suddenly asked that made Muko quickly look up at the man standing in front of her.

“You?” she asked, quite surprised to meet the man again.

The man laughed. “Yes, me… How are you?”

Muko lightly laughed. The effect of the different liquors that she had taken in was already taking effect on her. “Not fine, I guess.. You see, that’s why I’m drinking.”

The man nodded. “You’re drunk already. How about I take you home?”

Muko quickly shook her head. “No! I don’t want to go home. I can’t go home.”

The man looked at her, very much puzzled by her answer. “So what are you planning to do right now? Just stay here and drink until morning? If you do that, then you will just create a big commotion specially when a reporter sees you and recognizes you. You wouldn’t want to end up on the headlines, would you?”

Muko laughed again. “Honestly… I don’t care,” she answered.

The man smiled. “Come on, I’m taking you home. No more arguments, okay.” He then carefully helped Muko to stand up and left a large amount of money on the table.     *********

Micky was already driving his car when his phone suddenly rang. “Hello, Muko?” he said in a rush. He was expecting the caller to be his wife.

“Hello, Micky. This is Shiro Tanaka. You still remember me, don’t you?” the man’s voice greeted with a different tone in his voice.

Micky immediately got irritated. “Yes, I remember you. What do you want? I am kinda in a rush right now? Can I just call you back later?” he quickly said after controlling his temper.

“You’re looking for Muko, aren’t you?” Shiro suddenly asked.

“Muko? How did you know? Did you see her? Can you tell me where you saw her?” Micky asked continuously.    “Let’s meet up. She’s with me,” Shiro answered.

Micky felt like his head was going to blow up. “What the…. Why is she with you?” he angrily asked.

“I am at the parking lot of Cass Bar. Meet me here. You can ask details later,” Shiro said with a serious tone and then he quickly cut off the line.

Micky cursed and banged the wheel of his car. He was so angry. Nan Hee was right. Muko found another man to accompany her. He then quickly turned his car to the direction of the bar.

  ***********

As soon as Shiro turned off his phone, he suddenly looked at Muko as she sat beside him in the front of his car. He sighed. He could sense that there was something wrong with Muko and Micky’s relationship. He pitied Muko. He knew all about her background. She grew up in luxury and was always provided for. She never faced any difficulties. So she must feel so helpless now that she was facing marital problems.    A tear suddenly ran down Muko’s cheek. Shiro felt like his heart ached after seeing her tear. He carefully brushed away the tear. “Even in your sleep, you’re still crying. I really pity you. If there was anything I could do to help you, you know I would immediately do it without any hesitation. Sleep for now, angel. Rest your mind and your heart,”