Silence. The maddening silence continued to prevail in the room as the time passed by slowly. The truth was finally revealed and now there was no turning back. They needed to face reality now and try to decide what direction they were going to take.
Jaejoong and Ellie sat on opposite sides of the room. And as they continued to face each other, different thoughts were playing on their minds. Words were repeating in their minds but both of them were too afraid to voice out all the things that they wanted to say.
Finally, it was Ellie who broke the silence. She didn’t like the stillness that had been going on for hours now. It was like she was back in the place she hated the most, the institution.
“Aren’t you going to ask me… why? Why I left, why I changed my name, why I changed… my face… why I…” she asked in a low and frustrated manner.
“I already know the answer to those questions. So there’s no need to ask…” Jaejoong replied in a low voice as well.
Ellie stared at the man she once knew… She could easily see that he had changed. A lot of things had changed and there was no way to return them no matter how much she wanted. “You’ve changed,” she softly muttered to herself.
Jaejoong bitterly laughed. He had somehow heard the words she said. “Changed? If there is someone who changed, it’s not me… it’s you.”
“You’re right. I am the one who changed totally. But… I had to do it…I, I, I…” she then said to defend herself.
“Why did we have to end up like this Lena?” Jaejoong suddenly asked with a voice that sounded like he was about to cry.
Ellie quickly looked at him with concern in her eyes. After a few minutes of staring at him, she sadly lowered her head. Somehow she couldn’t stand looking at him for such a long time. It was breaking her heart in such a way that the pain was piercing every part of her soul.
Jaejoong closed his eyes. Somehow he wanted to make believe. He wanted to make himself believe that everything was just a dream. “If there was a way to go back, I would have done it a long time ago… If there was a way to…”
“Stop! It’s already in the past. There is nothing we can do now. So stop wishing for something we both know could never happen. It’s just going to be a waste of time…” Ellie said with sadness in her voice.
Jaejoong opened his eyes and directly gazed at Ellie. Then he slowly moved closer to where she was and when he was just a few feet away from her, he slowly knelt down on his knees and lowered his head. “I’m sorry… I know even if I say sorry a million times, it won’t be enough to make up for what I did. But please believe me I never meant for things to turn out that way. Please forgive me…” he uttered as he finally broke down into a pitiful cry.
Ellie felt like her own heart was breaking into a million pieces. Somehow the pain she had been feeling for years was nothing compared to the pain she was feeling while she helplessly watched the only man she loved cry. Even though she wanted to pretend that she wasn’t affected, her tears quickly escaped her eyes that quickly gave away her true feelings.
“Jae,” she tried to utter his name but the words that she wanted to say next were suddenly swallowed and were instantly covered by her tears. She suddenly sobbed. She didn’t want this to happen. All she ever wanted was a happy life with the only man she ever loved. She didn’t want this… a life that was forever stained by a dark past, a past that no matter how much she tried to hide and forget would eventually catch up with her and haunt her as long as she lived.
Jaejoong looked up and saw that Ellie was already crying. His heart also ached. How he wanted to hold her and comfort her but he knew he couldn’t. Tears continuously flowed out of his eyes as he watched her cry in grief. “How I wish I can comfort you Lena, but I know I can’t,” he uttered helplessly.
Ellie looked back at him and smiled bitterly. “I am so confused right now, Jae. I am so confused and mad at the world. Do you know how many times I already asked myself why did it have to be me… Am I that bad to actually deserve that? Or was it just pure bad luck that I was at the wrong place and at the wrong time…”
Jaejoong quickly shook his head in disapproval. “No, you’re not a bad person. You’re the most wonderful, kind and loyal friend a person could ever have. You’re a very special person, Lena. I was just too blinded to actually see that. And I guess, I was just plain stupid. I didn’t see what was already in front of my eyes. I didn’t realize what you really meant to me, not after… I already lost you. I already loved you and I didn’t even knew it.”
Ellie sobbed harder after hearing Jaejoong’s words. Somehow those were the words that she had been waiting for such a long time, those were the words that she was waiting for -- before… before that unforgettable night happened.
Now… no matter how much she wanted to just forget and pretend that she could continue to be happy with Jaejoong already by her side, she knew she would just be lying to herself. There was a dark and empty spot in her life that would surely draw her and Jaejoong into a pit of despair and misery. She already came from that dark pit and she didn’t want to go back. And she surely didn’t want Jaejoong to experience all the pain she went through.
“What now Jae? Where do we go from here? Do we continue and pretend that we don’t know each other? Or do we continue and try to get back the friendship we once lost?” Ellie suddenly asked with tears streaming from her eyes. Somehow she just wanted to get back all the things that she had lost. She knew she couldn’t get back everything, but at least she could get Jaejoong back in her life and for her, it was already enough.
“Let’s try and start again. I want you back in my life Lena. I know it won’t be easy. But I know we can do it, as long as we stay together,” Jaejoong said in a soft but firm voice.
Ellie’s heart danced with joy. Somehow she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Am I dreaming Jae?” she suddenly asked.
Jaejoong quickly got up and tried to brush away his tears, then he lovingly smiled at her. It was the kind of smile he used to give Min Rin whenever they were together. It was the smile that she had been praying for years ago.
“You’re not dreaming Lena. This is real… All of this is real,” he said with the most loving smile that instantly gave the most unexplainable happiness to Ellie.
Because of the happiness he was feeling, Jaejoong unexpectedly approached Ellie and embraced her. It was something he didn’t really plan to do. But it was already too late when he realized what he had done.
Ellie felt the air around her suddenly disappear. She was suddenly running out of air. She wanted to breathe but she couldn’t. She clutched at Jaejoong’s arms. Something was wrong. She couldn’t breathe. She was having an attack. Her mind was somehow starting to run around in circles. She wanted to think of what to do next, but her body was not responding to her. As her consciousness started to fade away, images suddenly emerged out of the darkness of her mind.
Ellie suddenly screamed. She screamed and screamed. The images were getting closer and closer. She was afraid. She wanted to get away but she couldn’t move. She let out another scream before she finally passed out.
*************************************
Several hours later at Ellie’s home.
Jaejoong silently cried in the living room. Somehow he couldn’t accept what was happening.
Max, U-Know and Xiah exchanged glances with one another but couldn’t think of anything good to say so they just lowered their heads in sadness.
“I am sorry Jaejoong. But you already know about her condition right? So please… try to understand,” Samar said with a comforting voice.
“Yes, I do know about her condition. And I accept everything about her… But somehow I can’t stop myself from hurting when I know that the only man who can actually hold her and comfort her… is not me… but Micky. Why??? Why can’t it be me? Why does it have to be him? Why can’t I hold the woman I love? And why do I have to bear the pain of seeing Ellie in Micky’s arms?” Jaejoong suddenly asked out loud.
“If you really love Ellie, you have to bear the pain or else you will be taking away the only chance that she might have in finding a cure for herself. Even if you love her and even if she loves you… that isn’t enough in this situation. What she needs is Micky. So just accept it. Honestly I was hoping that maybe you could be the same with him. I was sort of expecting that after you and Ellie patched things out, maybe her fear of being touched would suddenly disappear. But sadly I was wrong. So that leaves us with the only solution which is him. I may sound harsh and heartless because of what I am going to say… but please try to listen to my words with an open mind and open heart. Ellie has already suffered too long, and if you really love her… can you please give her the chance to have a normal life? I know what I am asking of you is too much. But I know you love her dearly and I also know that you want what is best for her. So please just back away from Ellie… Give her some space so she could explore a life with Micky. Maybe with him… she could find her cure,” Krizzia uttered with a firm voice. She was determined to help Ellie no matter what it took. And she was also willing to sacrifice her own conscience in the process. Her heart was already telling her that she was making a big mistake but she still believes that there is still a chance. So she’s willing to take a chance on Micky now… even if it means hurting Jaejoong and denying Ellie of Jaejoong’s love.
Jaejoong sadly stared back at Krizzia. “I am willing to give up as long as she can be cured. I am willing to bear the pain as long as I know there is a chance that she can be happy. But please don’t ask me to stay away from her. I am willing to just silently watch. I promise I won’t make any trouble. I promise I won’t interfere. So please let me stay by her side, if not as her lover… but as a friend,” he begged.
Krizzia was about to say something when Samar suddenly stepped in. “Krizzia, you already heard what he said. So I think it’s enough for now. You don’t need to ask him to leave Ellie totally. We might never know what that kind of reaction Ellie will have once she learns that Jaejoong is out of her life again. For now, all we can do is observe. The important part is still in Micky’s hands. And hopefully with his help, we can finally put an end to all this misery.”
Krizzia sighed and just helplessly nodded.
A tear unexpectedly ran down Jaejoong’s cheek again. He was willing to wait. He was willing to feel pain. He was willing to do everything for her…
************************************ “Good morning sleepy head,” a familiar voice cheerfully greeted Ellie as she slowly opened her eyes.
The familiar face she was expecting to see was suddenly replaced with the face of someone she just knew and didn’t love. Her heart that was already high in joy slowly started to slip back into its usual place… the place of misery. Somehow she wanted to cry. She was thinking reality was too cruel to her. It came knocking too early… She slowly closed her eyes again… Somehow she wanted to go back to her dream again… at least there, she could be with the one she loves.
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