CHAPTER 26
“Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…” Jaejoong happily sang to his bestfriend as he slowly hugged her from behind.
Lena froze. She was washing the dishes and Jaejoong’s gesture made her so conscious of her every move. “Jae, my birthday is still a few days away… So don’t go singing yet,” she said with a giggle.
Jaejoong tightened his hold on his best friend. “Why? Can’t I greet you in advance? I know your birthday is still days away. But I want to be the very first one to greet you. So I can be the very special person on your birthday. By the way, what do you want me to give you? You know you can always make a request, my princess.”
Lena felt her heart was so heavy with unexplainable joy. If she could only tell him how she truly felt about him. How she wished that she could tell him that there was nothing else in the world that she wanted more than to be the one who owns his heart.
“Are you sure you can give me what I want?” she suddenly bold asked. Jaejoong laughed in his usual mesmerizing way. “Just tell me what you want and I will surely give it to you… I am your servant and you’re my queen,” he said lovingly.
“What would you do if I said.... what I wanted is,” she suddenly stopped.
“Jaejoong... Lena…. Min Rin is here…” Lena’s mother called out from the living room.
Jaejoong quickly released Lena from his embrace and happily ran out of the kitchen straight to the living room.
Lena felt like a knife was stabbed straight into her heart. “All I want is you… Jaejoong,” she softly uttered to herself. Somehow she felt she was a fool to actually believe that Jaejoong would notice her in the way that she wanted. She was just his best friend… and she could never be his girlfriend.
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Ellie slowly sat down on the bed where Jaejoong was sleeping soundly. “You’re so careless. Imagine getting yourself so drunk and unconscious on the side of the road. What if something bad happened to you? What if I hadn’t come by and saw you? What if I didn’t recognized you and just passed you by? You would surely still be sleeping on that cold and dark place. And what if some bad people suddenly decided to rob you or worst kidnap you… Fool! You’re so foolish! You’re still the same Jaejoong I know,” she uttered softly as she continued to stare at him.
She suddenly closed her eyes. Different images were suddenly rushing into her mind again. She then stood up and quickly took the glass of wine that she had placed on the table across the bed where Jaejoong was. She then quietly sat down and again gazed at the face that had never left her memory. “God! Why is this happening? I think I am really going crazy… Imagine, I actually took you home with me… What if someone knows about what I had done… Will my secret be revealed because I took you here? What will Micky say… Oh god Jaejoong, how come so many years have already passed but I still can’t forget you? I know I kept on telling myself that I hate you and I no longer love you… but deep inside, I know that I still care for you. You still have a special place in my heart. But I know everything is just a dream now. Even if we are already here, face to face, you can never know who I am. I can never reveal who I really am. I am no longer the girl you know, the sweet and innocent girl that you once had shared your life with. I am just a broken piece of glass now… No matter how hard I try to put back all the pieces together, I am already shattered and can never be made whole again… I am sorry, but I can never let you know the truth. I can see you’re also hurting, but it is better this way. I don’t think I can bear to stand before you as the girl you had known before. That girl had already died a long time ago… on that long and unforgettable night,” she said softly while she continued to sip the glass of wine she was holding.
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Jaejoong slowly opened his eyes. His head was throbbing and somehow everything around him was moving that it was making him so dizzy. “Aaaahhh,” he groaned.
Ellie who was already sleeping on a chair was suddenly woken up by Jaejoong’s voice. “Hello sleepy head,” she uttered as soon as she saw Jaejoong awake and moving in bed. She was instantly taken by surprise by what she said. She used to say those exact words, before when she was still Lena.
Jaejoong quickly got up on the bed and immediately stared straight at her. “Ellie?” he asked with confusion written all over his face. “What am I doing here? And what did you just say?” he asked again.
Ellie tried to compose herself. Then she started to act like she didn’t hear the last question that Jaejoong said. “You know, you shouldn’t be drinking yourself so bad without any companion. I found you on the side of the street, already passed out. You’re lucky. I decided to take a walk before going home or else you would still be unconscious on that side of the street right now.”
Jaejoong tried to remember what happened to him. Then he ran his hand through his hair. “I… I am sorry but I really can’t remember what happened,” he softly uttered.
Ellie laughed as if trying to annoy Jaejoong. “Remember? What are you trying to remember? You were so high on alcohol that you just slept on the street. Are you insane? You’re a celebrity and you’re acting like that? What if some media person was the one who found you? Do you know what kind of scandal that would cause? And that would surely affect not only your reputation but your friends as well. You should be more careful with your actions,” she said as a lecture.
Jaejoong lowered his head. “I see, and I actually thought you were concerned about me. Now I understand you’re just protecting Micky,” he said with a sadness his voice.
Ellie couldn’t help but feel pity for Jaejoong. “If you’re planning to drown yourself in alcohol, why don’t you just do it in your room? At least that way, you won’t be causing any embarrassment to your friends,” she said with sarcasm. Jaejoong stared back at Ellie. “How long are we going to pretend?” he suddenly asked with a serious tone.
Ellie suddenly felt nervous with what she heard. “What… what do you mean?”
Jaejoong sighed. “How long are you planning to keep on pretending that you don’t know me? And how long do you think I can go on pretending that I don’t know you?” he asked as his gaze was steady on Ellie.
Ellie’s heart started to beat fast. Somehow she didn’t like the way that Jaejoong was talking. She needed to think of a way fast or else her secret might be in danger.
She suddenly stood up. “You’re really crazy! I am leaving. Just go home when you’re finally sober. Don’t worry about the bill, I already paid everything. And just be careful when you go out. Make sure no one recognizes you,” she said as she was about to walk out of the room.
“Lena, please… Let’s stop this! I am already hurting so much that it’s making me crazy. Please… let’s stop pretending already,” Jaejoong said as he suddenly got of bed and rushed to block the door.
“What are you talking about? I am not Lena. Are you going insane again? How many times do I need to tell you that I am not Lena! Why do you keep on insisting that I am?” Ellie asked angrily. “Because you are Lena! I know it and my heart knows it,” Jaejoong instantly replied.
“Get out of my way! I am leaving or do you want me to call the police? Do you really want me to cause problems for you? Just leave me alone… I don’t want to hear your senseless talk…” Ellie said as she tried to put on an act.
“I am tired Lena. And I know you’re already tired as well. Let’s just drop the masquerade and face each other. I am willing to accept everything. Curse me…. beat me… make me suffer… I don’t care what you want to do with me. Just as long as I am with you,” Jaejoong said as he started to walked closer to Ellie.
Ellie was starting to feel strange. Somehow she was already having difficulty breathing. But she still tried to act tough and tried to put on her façade.
“Get away from me, Jaejoong. Please I don’t want to any trouble. Just let me leave,” she was already begging.
But Jaejoong just continued to walk closer and closer to her, while she tried to walk farther and farther away from him. She didn’t like the look on Jaejoong’s face. He wasn’t himself anymore. And it was obvious that it was no use trying to reason with him. But she needed to try, for her sake.
“Jaejoong! Stop this! I am not kidding. I swear, I am going to ruin your life if you continue with this madness,” Ellie shouted. Jaejoong suddenly stopped. It was like his sanity had finally returned. “I… I am sorry, if I scared you,” he uttered with a quivering voice. It was like he was going to cry. “Jae…” Ellie couldn’t help but utter with concern.
Jaejoong suddenly smiled. “Look, you’re free to go… I am sorry.” He then started to walk to a corner of the room.
Fear suddenly entered Ellie’s heart. She didn’t like the way that Jaejoong was acting. It was like he was really losing his sanity.
She was about to say something when a loud sound of shattering glass echoed in the room. Stunned, she quickly looked at Jaejoong. He was now holding a large piece of the broken wine bottle that was placed on a table.
“Jae, wh.. what are you doing?” Ellie cried out in horror.
“Just leave, you’re free to go… Just leave me alone,” Jaejoong said as he suddenly turned away and started to stare at the broken piece of bottle that he was holding.
“Jaejoong, please give me that,” Ellie said with worry. Jaejoong turned back at her and smiled. “Don’t worry, just go. I don’t want you to be here when…”
“When… what? What are you planning to do? You’re going to commit suicide? You’re going to hurt yourself?” Ellie asked continuously. Her mind was already flooded with fear and so many memories.
“I am tired,” Jaejoong simply uttered. It was then Ellie had noticed that blood was already dripping from his hand. “Jaejoong!” Ellie shouted with anger and fear. She was so worried about what Jaejoong was going to do.
Jaejoong smiled bitterly at Ellie. He didn’t really care about the sharp pain that his wound was giving him. The pain he was feeling in his heart was more intense and more maddening that somehow he couldn’t take it anymore. “I am sorry… Lena. I am sorry. I know even if I begged you or asked your forgiveness a million times, my sins would never disappear. Because of me… because of me…” he said while trying to think of what to say next. Somehow he couldn’t think of anything else.
Fear gripped Ellie’s heart. She just continued to stare at the blood that was continuously dripping from Jaejoong’s hand. And as she continued to stare, all her locked up memories started to appear one by one.
Ellie started to cry. She was so afraid of seeing Jaejoong becoming what she was before. She sobbed. “Please stop, Jae… You’re scaring me…. Please don’t do this to yourself,” she cried out.
But Jaejoong was somehow locked into a trance. He just stared at Ellie with a blank expression on his face.
“Jaejoong,” she uttered again as if trying to make him come to his senses.
Unexpectedly, tears started to fall from Jaejoong’s eyes. Ellie’s defense was finally crushed after seeing the pitiful state that Jaejoong was in. She didn’t want him to end up like her. She didn’t want him to also lose his mind because of what happened…
Ellie felt like the ground she was standing on finally gave way. She fell down and just sat down on the floor. And with tears streaming down from her eyes, she looked up at him.
“Jae, please stop. I… I can’t bear to see you like this. I thought I could bear to see you suffer. But I guess I was wrong. I am Lena, Jae…. I am your bestfriend…. Do you hear me? I am Lena!”
Ellie had finally tore down the wall that she had built around her. She still loved Jaejoong. And she already knew that no matter how much she tried she can never erase him from her mind and from her heart. She needed to be true to herself once and for all, no matter what the consequences might be.
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