I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 30)

CHAPTER 30

    
    Jaejoong quietly entered the living room of their apartment. Somehow his mind was still in a mess, and he can't seem to think of anything else except what happened in the hospital.

    "Hyung . . . . where have you been? It's late already," Max uttered with concern. He immediately noticed that Jaejoong wasn't himself.

    Jaejoong looked at Max, as if trying to understand what his friend just said.

    "Have you had dinner yet? If you're hungry, we left some of the food we ordered in the kitchen," U-Know said.

    Jaejoong felt very weak. He just sat down on the sofa and stared blankly at the floor.

    "What's wrong Jaejoong? Are you all right?" Xiah asked with concern.

    "Maybe you're hungry . . . Come on, let's eat," MAx said to Jaejoong.

    "I'm not hungry . . ." Jaejoong uttered.

    "Then . . . what's wrong with you?" Xiah asked.

    "Nothing," Jaejoong replied. He felt like he was in no mood to talk.

    Micky suddenly smiled. "So where are did you go? Did you visit Lena in the hospital?"

    Jaejoong stared at Micky. He was somehow caught by surprise by his question. "No," he lied.

    Micky smiled again. "Well . . . I did."

    Shocked . . . Xiah, U-Know and Max immediately looked at Mikcy. Somehow they couldn't understand what Micky was doing.

    Jaejoong smiled bitterly. "So?"

    "She was asleep when I arrived . . . and when I left. So I have nothing to tell," Micky said coldly.

    "Oh . . ." Jaejoong uttered as if he didn't care.

    "Daichi said . . . the engagement will still proceed as planned," Micky added.

    "Oh . . . is that so?" Jaejoong uttered again.

    Micky was starting to get irritated with Jaejoong's reactions.

    "Have you really gone numb? Or you're just trying to hide your true feelings," he asked.

    Jaejoong stared at Micky, then he suddenly looked away. "I don't want to talk about it," he uttered.

    "Really? . . . . I . . . I like Lena," Micky suddenly announced out of the blue.

    "Hyung! What are you saying?" Max asked with disbelief.

    "Micky . . ." U-Know uttered. He was very surprised as well.

    "I like Lena . . . ever since the first time I met her. I just kept it to myself because I know there was something going on between Lena and Jaejoong," Micky confessed.

    Xiah, Max and U-Know were totally shocked with Micky's confession. They never expected that Micky would actually like Lena more than a friend.

    Jaejoong stared at Micky with a blank expression on his face. "So why are you telling us all of a sudden that you like Lena?" he asked.

    "I'm telling you because . . . I'm sick and tired of watching you hurt her. Do you really like her? I mean do you like her as a friend or more than a friend? What's the truth?" Micky asked.

    "There's no sense in answering that question now," Jaejoong uttered.

    "I like Lena. So if you're not going after her . . . then I just want you to know that . . . I will," Micky suddenly said out loud.

    Jaejoong felt his heart was suddenly stabbed.

    "Hyung . . . that's not fair," Max said to Micky as he shook his head in dismay.

    "Micky . . . why are you doing this?" U-Know asked.

    Jaejoong tried to smile. "So . . . you're really going after her? Then be my guest . . . But have you forgotten? She's already slept with me . . ."

    "Slept with you? So what? Daichi doesn't mind . . . and I certainly don't care at all either. What matters to me is that I like her, and I want to make her happy," Micky replied.

    Jaejoong suddenly let out a laugh. "Honestly . . . I envy you. I envy you because you have the courage to show what you're really feeling. I envy you because you don't have personal reasons to hold you back. I wish I could be like that. I wish I was in a different position . . . I wish I wasn't . . . me," he uttered sadly.

    "What you're saying is just useless excuses for me. Why can't you love her? What's holding you back? What are these reasons you are talking about? If you really love her . . . then fight for her," Micky said angrily.

    "You don't know my reasons for controlling my feelings for her," Jaejoong weakly said to Micky.

    "That's why I'm asking you. Tell me! I want to understand. She loves you Jaejoong. She gave herself to you. Doesn't that mean anything yo you? God! If I were in your position, I would surely have married her by now. She's hurting . . . and you're obviously in pain as well. So please tell me . . . what's the reason why you can't love her back," Micky said with so much emotion.

    Jaejoong stared at his friend. He suddenly let out a long sigh. "You've all been my friends for years . . . I guess I should at least be honest with you guys."

    "What's wrong, hyung? You can tell us we're willing to listen," Max said.

    "Ever since Lena and I were young, my parents had already made me aware of our difference in social status. And there was a time that my mother even talked with me and told me that even though she loved Lena like her own daughter . . . she can never accept her as a daughter-in-law. I was shocked at first. But then she also told me her reason for not accepting Lena. My mother said that Lena was brought up in a very rich family. She isn't used to poverty or any kind of hardship. If she was to end up with me . . . then I will only be putting her in a difficult situation. My family lives an ordinary life . . . so very different from the life she's used to. Somehow it would be like punishing her, if she was to live in my world," Jaejoong tried to explain.

    "That's total nonsense!" Micky uttered angrily. he couldn't believe the reason Jaejoong was giving them.

    "But hyung . . . you're famous now . . . and you're rich. You can easily give Lena everything she needs. So there's no problem now," Max said with a smile.

    Jaejoong smiled bitterly. "Yes, I am famous and rich now. But what happens after our careers are over? We will all return to our ordinary lives. What will I give her then? Compared with Daichi, I can't give even one-fourth of what he can give her."

    "Lena's not a materialistic girl. You're already pre-judging her. Do you actually think that she would care about money or material things?" Micky asked.

    "I know she would gladly live in poverty with me. But I can't let her do that. I love her too much to see her live in such a pitiful state," Jaejoong uttered.

    "Pitiful state? Have you seen her? Because if you have . . . she's already in a pitiful state now . . . because of you," Micky said with sarcasm.

    "She will forget me sooner or later. Daichi is a good man. She will easily fall in love with him as time moves on," Jaejoong said as his heart was aching badly.

    "Do you actually think that she will ever forget you? Jaejoong . . . are you really human? How can you just give the woman you love to another man just because of petty excuses?" Micky asked angrily. He was trying very hard to understand Jaejoong, but his heart was somehow unable to accept Jaejoong's reasons.
   
    "I'm not just thinking about myself . . . but also about my family . . . my friends . . . our group. Aside from my parents disapproving of Lena and me having a romantic relationship. I know her parents will never accept it as well. They will surely find ways to set us apart. And what I am most afraid of is the fact that they can easily make problems for my family, and they can also cause problems to our group. Have you guys ever thought about what would happen if my relationship with Lena ever got out to the media? If that happens . . . I won't be the only one who will be affected . . . but all of you as well. So you see . . . my situation isn't that simple. There are a lot of people who will be involved and affected if I chose to be with Lena," Jaejoong weakly said.

    "Now . . . I understand," Max said as he slowly lowered his head. He felt so sorry for his friend. It was only now that he fully understood why Jaejoong was trying to control his emotions for Lena.

    "I never realized . . . your situation was that complicated . . . I'm sorry,' Xiah uttered softly.

    "I really can't judge you Jaejoong. But I do hope that you're making the right decision . . . for your sake . . . and especially Lena's," U-Know said seriously.

    Micky stared at Jaejoong. "Jaejoong . . . you still have time to think . . . Think hard . . . Try to decide not with your mind alone but also with your heart. Have you ever thought about what would happen to Lena once she's married with Daichi? Do you think she will ever be happy with him? Yes, she may be surrounded by beautiful and expensive things . . . But do you think that would actually make any difference to her? And when she's already married . . . do you think you would actually be happy even for one second?" he then suddenly smiled bitterly. "Look straight into my eyes, Jaejoong. When she's already gone from your life . . . Can you honestly tell me . . . if you will ever find peace . . . even for one second for the rest of your life?"

    Jaejoong stared straight into Micky's eyes. "No . . ." he slowly uttered.

    Micky slowly shook his head. "Try to decide again, my friend. Frankly . . . you don't have to worry about us. Our group has already gone through so many hardships, but we're still here. . . . together. What is another hardship, if exchange it means that you and Lena will be happy. As for your family, you can still find other ways to help them if problems do arise. There is always an answer for everything, Jaejoong. You just have to open your eyes and your heart. Everybody experiences problems everyday, but they always continue and live on. Sometime the best thing for you may not be the best thing for others. So try to ask your heart . . . can you live without her?" he suddenly stood up and lightly patted Jaejoong on the back before he went to his room.

    "Hyung . . . I hope you can make the right decision," Max uttered, then he slowly walked out of the room as well.

    "Alway remember . . . we will always support you in everything and every decision you make," Xiah said before he left the room.

    "Jaejoong, when the time comes and we all return to our ordinary lives . . . and Lena is no longer by your side . . . Can you ever find happiness? She's your first love. Do you think you can find another girl that can replace her? True love is very hard to find . . . follow your heart, Jaejoong. Your heart will never lead you to a wrong path," U-Know said. He then slowly walked up to Jaejoong and gently patted Jaejoong on the back. "Use your heart . . . not your mind . . . before it is too late."