I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 29)

CHAPTER 29

Micky sighed as he slowly closed the door of Lena's room. He didn't get the chance to talk with her, because she was still sleeping when he left. The hospital's visiting hours was over, and he really needed to go back to the apartment already.

He stood outside of Lena's room for a few minutes. He really wanted to talk with her. He wanted to let her know that he was willing to help her in any way he can.

He suddenly shook his head as if to wake himself up. His feelings for Lena were starting to cloud his mind again. He had already set up his heart and his mind that he was going to help Lena and Jaejoong be together. And even though he liked Lena, he was just going to set it aside for everyone's sake.

He suddenly let out a long sigh again. "Why is life so complicated?" he suddenly asked himself as he slowly walked away.

Only a few meters away from Lena's room, someone was hiding and watching Micky. It was . . .Jaejoong.

Jaejoong's heart was aching as he watched his friend. Somehow he envied Micky. Unlike him, Micky had the courage to show his true feelings. And unlike him, Micky had nothing that was holding him back.

"How I envy you Micky! I wish I was as brave as you. I wish I can be true to myself. . . But there are so many things I need to consider. I can't just think of myself or Lena. I still need to think about my family . . . God knows, how much I love Lena, and how much I regret hurting her. But . . . there are a lot of things that sets us apart."

Jaejoong continued to hide until Micky finally disappeared from his sight. He then slowly walked up to Lena's room. He just stood outside staring at the door. He was trying to imagine what Lena was doing inside her room. He didn't have any intention of seeing her. He just wanted to be sure that she was safe. And just being able to close to her again even from a distance was already enough for him.

"I'm sorry, Lena. I'm sorry . . . I broke your heart," Jaejoong uttered.

Suddenly the door of Lena's room slowly opened. Jaejoong was suddenly caught by surprise. Daichi was already looking at him with serious expression on his face.

"I'm sorry. I . . .I know I shouldn't have come here. Don't worry. I don't want to cause anymore problems . . .I am going now," Jaejoong uttered. He was already about to leave when . . .

"Wait! Since you're already here . . .I might as well let you see her. Don't worry, she's still asleep. So you don't have anything to worry about," Daichi said.

Jaejoong stared at Daichi, as if trying to find out what Daichi's true intentions were. Somehow he couldn't understand why Daichi was always giving him a chance to be with Lena.

"Why?" Jaejoong asked.

"Why? What do you mean? What are you asking me?" Daichi asked back.

"Why are you always giving me a chance to be with her? Why are you always giving way for me?" Jaejoong asked again.

"Simple, it is because you are the man she loves," Daichi said while his heart was breaking into pieces.

"But you love her . . . So why are you giving her to another man?" Jaejoong asked.

"Yes, I love her. And that is why I want to give her happiness. And I know that her happiness isn't with me, but with you. That's why I'm willing to give her up to you," Daichi weakly uttered.

"But . . .I've already hurt her. And I am afraid to face her again," Jaejoong said.

"She loves you, and I know she will easily forgive you. The two of you really need to talk," Daichi said.

"I don't think I have the strength and the courage to face her. I'm afraid I will just hurt her again," Jaejoong slowly uttered.

Daichi tried to smile. "She's still asleep. You can still see her before you leave," he then slowly opened the door fully to let Jaejoong in.

At first, Jaejoong was very reluctant to enter. His heart started beating fast the moment he entered Lena's room. He couldn't explain what he was feeling. He was afraid and also anxious to see her.

He slowly walked up to Lena's bed. And just like what Daichi said, she was still sleeping. Somehow he couldn't stop himself. He immediately touched her hand.

"Lena . . ." he uttered.

Daichi who was just watching suddenly turned towards the door. "I know you need some time alone with her. So I'll just be outside, if you need me."

Jaejoong stared at Daichi. He was very thankful for Daichi's kindness and consideration.

"Daichi . . . thank you. Don't worry. I won't take long," Jaejoong uttered.

Daichi smiled. "I'm not rushing you. So just take your time . . . Please do bear in mind. . . this maybe the last time that you will be able to be close to her. Up until now, I still don't consider her as mine. So basically she's still free. But after the engagement, then that is the only time that I will call her mine. And I'm sorry to say once she's engaged with me . . .I will never let her go. So I'm still giving you this chance to make up your mind. After the engagement . . . she can never be with you again. So think Jaejoong . . . think . . . think, not with your mind . . . .but with your heart," he said and he slowly walked out of the room.

Jaejoong's heart suddenly stopped beating for a few seconds after hearing Daichi's last words. Somehow he couldn't explain the pain he was feeling, just thinking that he wasn't going to see or touch Lena ever again.

He suddenly stared at Lena's beautiful face. Then he started to ran his finger down the curve of Lena's lips. He could still remember the sweetness he tasted while kissing her. Jaejoong smiled. Then he started to caress Lena's face. And suddenly he again remembered everything that happened between them.

"I'm sorry Lena. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really . . . really love you. It's just that . . .there are too many differences that sets us apart. God knows how much I love you. I had been trying to deny everything because I was afraid of the consequences that may arise if I let out my feelings. I tried so hard to be blind and numb with your love. I couldn't let you see what is really in my heart. But . . . I suddenly became weak. I suddenly lost control of my feelings. That's why something happened between us. Do you know how many times I had dreamed that I was making love to you? Before I always thought that it was just a dream . . . a dream that can never come true. And during that special time . . . that special . . .I finally released my true feelings for you. I love you Lena. . . with all my heart and soul. I made love to you . . .because I love you. And I certainly didn't use you . . . not like the others are saying. When I made love to you . . .I finally gave my heart to you. You're the very first girl I ever made love with . . . and the very last girl that my heart will die with," Jaejoong uttered as his heart was breaking into pieces.

"Then . . . why did you leave me?" Lena suddenly asked as she slowly opened her eyes. She then looked straightly into Jaejoong's eyes.

Jaejoong was taken by surprise. "You're awake? So you heard everything that I said?"

Lena nodded. "I had been awake for a few minutes before you arrived. I didn't want to talk with Daichi so I just pretended to be asleep."

Jaejoong suddenly lowered his head. He was very ashamed of himself. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how to explain what he did.

"Jaejoong . . . why did you leave me? Do you know how hurt I was? I felt like I was a toy that you suddenly threw away after you got bored of playing with. When I woke up and found that you were gone, it was like I wanted to die," Lena uttered as tears streamed down her face.

"Lena . . ." Jaejoong stared at Lena's face. "I'm sorry . . . I'm very sorry."

"Just answer me please . . .Why? Why did you leave me?" she asked again.

Jaejoong's heart was beating wildly. Somehow he didn't want to answer her question. He knew that once he answered, she would only be more hurt.

"Jaejoong . . .please. . .tell me the truth. If you really love me . . . tell me . . . why you can't be with me," she said as her voice trembled.

Jaejoong stared straight into her eyes. "I love you . . . but I don't think I am fit for you. You have always been living in luxury, while I just live an ordinary life. Aside from that, your parents will surely disapprove of me, once they knew about us. And I know . . . even my own parents . . .won't approve of us being together."

"Is that all you're afraid of? Am I not worthy enough for you to fight for me? Yes, I know our parents won't approve of us being together. But we are talking about our lives . . . our lives . . . Jaejoong. Even though they are our parents, we can't possibly let them run our lives for us. I am willing to forget about my family's wealth and name, just for a chance to be with you. That's how much I love you. Can't you do the same for me?" Lena asked as tears fell from her eyes, one by one.

Jaejoong felt his heart was being shattered into pieces as he watched Lena cry.

"I . . .I'm sorry. But it isn't just about my family anymore. I also have to think about my friends, our group. If we continued with this . . .it will surely affect our group. And honestly, if it was only me who will be affected, I will gladly accept it. But. . . Xiah, Max, Micky and U-Know . . . they don't deserve to be put in the middle of our problem. If we continued with our love, your family, Daichi's family might cause trouble to my family and friends. And I don't want that to happen. So I'm sorry. But what happened between us . . .I know I can never undone it. But believe me when I say that it is something that I will always remember in my mind and keep locked up in my heart," Jaejoong said as tears started to fall down from his eyes as well.

"So . . . you're saying goodbye to me? You say you love me and yet you can't stay with me? How can you be so cruel to me?" Lena uttered as she cried uncontrollably.

"Lena . . . please . . . please understand," Jaejoong weakly uttered.

"Understand what? That I mean nothing to you? That compared with your family and friends . . . you would easily give me up? Is that what you want me to understand? Don't worry, I get it. I understand, that's why it is hurting me so much. Believe me, I understand. That's why I am trying to accept it. I know you're right, and that you have a point. But . . . it hurts! It's making my mind spin and I can't seem to think straight. And it's also making my heart ache so much that somehow I can't breathe. God! It hurts!" Lena suddenly cried out.

Jaejoong couldn't stand seeing Lena in pain. He suddenly embraced her. "I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry . . .I'm very sorry," he uttered as he cried as well.

"You don't have to say sorry over and over again. I understand, Jaejoong. I respect your decision. That's why I will try to accept this . . . So this is goodbye," Lena said as she slowly embraced Jaejoong. She wanted to feel his body next to hers for the very last time.

"Lena . . . I love you . . ." Jaejoong uttered as he held her tighter.

"I love you too Jaejoong . . ." she uttered softly.

They embraced each other tightly like they weren't going to let each other go. They wanted to remember the feeling of being in each other's arms and keep it locked up in their hearts as long as they lived.

"Jaejoong. . . can you kiss me . . . for the very last time?" Lena asked with a trembling voice.

Jaejoong suddenly stared at Lena. His heart was aching so much that he thought he was going to go crazy.

"Lena . . . .close your eyes," he weakly uttered.

Lena slowly closed her eyes. She wanted to pretend and just forget for awhile.

Slowly Jaejoong started to close his eyes as he kissed Lena.

Both of them kissed each other with such sweetness and emotion, while tears continued to flow from their eyes. It was the last time that they were going to be together. And as they kissed, somehow their hearts were already saying goodbye to each other

Lena tried to control herself. She wanted to beg Jaejoong. She wanted him to be with her forever.

She suddenly pushed Jaejoong away from her.

Jaejoong gazed at Lena with a confused and hurt look in his eyes. "Lena?" he uttered.

Lena looked away in a different direction. She didn't want to see the sadness in Jaejoong's eyes. She knew that she wouldn't be able to take it.

"Just go . . . Jaejoong . . . Let's just end this way . . . . Just remember . . . no matter what happens . . . . I'll always remember you . . . . and I'll always keep a special place for you in my heart," she said as her tears clouded her eyes.

Jaejoong's heart was very heavy and somehow at that moment it had suddenly stopped beating.

"Goodbye, Lena . . . . I wish you happiness . . . ." Jaejoong uttered as he slowly went out of the room.

Daichi was suddenly surprised to see Jaejoong open the door with his eyes filled with tears.

"Please . . . . take good care of Lena," Jaejoong said to Daichi before he slowly walked away.

Lena finally broke down into an uncontrollable sob as soon as Jaejoong left.

"Jaejoong . . . . Jaejoong . . . . I love you . . . . and . . . . goodbye."