I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND (FAN FICTION) (CHAPTER 15)

CHAPTER 15

 

 

            The rain continued to pour as Jaejoong and Lena quietly held each other.

 

            Suddenly . . . Lena started to shiver. Jaejoong immediately released her from his embrace and worriedly looked at her.

 

            “I think it's time we head back to the apartment,” he uttered.

 

            Lena smiled. “I'm fine . . . . Don't worry.”

 

            “You might get sick if we stay out in the rain any longer. You're already shivering. . . . Come on . . . .” Jaejoong said as he held out his hand to her.

 

            Lena looked at the hand in front of her . . . . He heart was beating very fast. . . . Slowly she reached out and held on to it . . . .

 

            Jaejoong smiled as soon as he held Lena's hand.

 

            “Come on . . . . Let's hurry . . . .” he said as he gently pulled her.

 

            Jaejoong and Lena started to ran back to the apartment . . . . while holding each other's hand. Somehow right at that moment . . . . their hearts were beating as one.

 

            They had already arrived at the apartment building when Jaejoong suddenly remembered something.

 

            “Do you still remember the time when we were little . . . . we went out to play in the park . . . . but suddenly it rained . . .?” Jaejoong asked.

 

            “And then we ended up running back to your house, even if the rain was pouring hard . . . and then we both ended up being scolded by your mother because we were both drenched in the rain . . . .” Lena continued to tell what happened as if it was only yesterday.

 

            Jaejoong nodded happily. “I could still remember my mother's face when she saw us . . . .” he said with a smile.

 

            Lena smiled as well. “Your mother was very nice . . . . she immediately helped me to change my clothes . . . .”

 

            “Yes . . . . my mother loved you like you were her daughter . . . .” Jaejoong uttered. “I remember I asked her why she took care of you first . . . . before she took care of me . . . .Do you know what she answered?”

 

            “What?” Lena asked curiously.

 

            “She said you were a part of our family . . . and since she knows that you're very fragile . . . That's why she took care of you first,” Jaejoong answered.

 

            Lena smiled again. “ Jaejoong . . . .” she slowly uttered.

 

            “Why?” he asked.

 

            “Thank you . . . .” she uttered.

 

            “Thank you for what?” he asked again.

 

            “For  . . . . everything . . . For searching for me, even if it was raining. . . . For trying to understand . . . . For not being mad . . . . For being my friend . . . . “ she said as she looked straight at his eyes.

 

            Jaejoong smiled sweetly. Then he gently caressed Lena's face . . . .”I can never get mad with you . . . . . And you don't have to say thank you for anything.”

 

            Lena felt the warmth of Jaejoong's hand as he caressed her face. She couldn't stop herself. . . . but her heart was somehow rejoicing. Everything was almost perfect . . . . The only thing missing was for her to see love in Jaejoong's eyes.

 

            Lena smiled bitterly as she suddenly turned away from Jaejoong. She was day dreaming again. She knew she had to teach herself to finally accept the truth.

 

            Sadness suddenly filled her heart . . . . She knew she will never have the chance to see love in his eyes.

 

            “Let's go . . . . I . . . . I'm already cold,” Lena suddenly said. She just made up an excuse so she could  break away from Jaejoong.

 

            Jaejoong looked at Lena. Her sudden change had somehow made him very confused. He somehow understood what was happening to her and why she was acting in such a way. But he still couldn't stop himself from being confused and disturbed.

 

            They silently went to Lena's apartment. It was as if their special moment in the rain had never happened.

 

            Jaejoong suddenly felt the coldness and it was hurting him just seeing Lena being distant with him.

 

            The moment they stepped into the apartment. . . . .

 

            “Hyung . . . .”

 

            “Lena . . . . “

 

            Xiah, Micky, Max and U-Know hurriedly went up to Jaejoong and Lena.

 

            “You're both very wet . . .” Xiah said with concern.

 

            “I'll get some towels . . .” Micky said as he hurriedly searched for towels in the bathroom.

 

            After a few minutes, he returned with two towels in hand. He immediately gave one of the towels to Jaejoong, and then he gently wrapped the other towel over Lena. He was very concerned with her.

 

            Jaejoong was looking at Micky and Lena. And somehow he couldn't stop himself from feeling jealous. He didn't want Micky beside Lena. . . . . He felt he didn't want to see Lena beside any other man except him.

 

            He was already going mad. He couldn't understand why he was feeling that way. He didn't want to become jealous just because of Micky. . . . He was his friend. . . . And he knew he had no right to be jealous. He wasn't Lena's boyfriend or fiancee . . .

 

            “I have no right to be jealous . . .” Jaejoong kept on telling himself.

 

            Jaejoong sighed heavily. “I'm going back to our apartment to change my clothes . . . . Can you guys stay here with Lena?”

 

            “Sure . . . . hyung . . . .” Max answered.

 

            Jaejoong hurriedly left Lena's apartment. He was feeling very guilty because of the fact that he was jealous with Micky.

 

            He entered his room . . . . with his mind all messed up. He laid down on his bed. Somehow he felt so tired. His whole body was wet . . . . but he didn't care.

 

            He closed his eyes. His mind and his heart were all running in different directions. His mind was being rational while his heart was being emotional.

 

            “Aaaaahhhhh!!!” he shouted to let out his frustrations.

 

            “If you're feeling something for her, then you should try to be true to yourself . . . .admit it . . . . and let her know . . . . “ a voice suddenly said.

 

            Jaejoong suddenly opened his eyes and sat on his bed.

 

            U-Know was leaning on the door of his room and was looking at him, with a serious expression on his face.

 

            Jaejoong suddenly cupped his face with his hands. He was totally confused.

 

            “What are you talking about?” he then asked U-Know.

 

            “Still trying to deny . . . . I see . . . .” U-Know uttered with a smile.

 

            “Denying . . . . what?” Jaejoong asked again.

 

            “You're denying that Lena means more than a friend to you . . . .” U-Know said.

 

            “I . . . . I'm still . . . . undecided about that,” Jaejoong slowly uttered.

 

            U-Know suddenly approached Jaejoong. And then he sat down beside him on the bed.

 

            “She's a nice girl . . . . And we can all see that she's not happy with her pre-arranged marriage with Daichi. Frankly, I sympathize with her. If I were put in that kind of situation . . . . I wouldn't know what to do . . . .” U-Know said.

 

            Jaejoong sighed heavily again. “I know . . . and I can feel her sadness . . . and somehow it's hurting me seeing her in such a pitiful situation.”

 

            U-Know looked straight at his friend. “Tell me . . . . what's wrong? . . . .Why can't you let out your true feelings? I know that something is preventing you from being true to yourself . . . .”

 

            “I'm confused . . . .” Jaejoong uttered.

 

            “I know you're confused . . . . but aside from your so-called confusion . . . . I know something else is bothering you . . . .” U-Kmow said.

 

            Jaejoong stared at his friend. U-Know was right . . . .something else was holding him back.

 

            Jaejoong smiled bitterly. “Frankly . . . aside from being a singer . . . . there is nothing else I can be proud of . . . Lena comes from a very wealthy family, while I come from an ordinary one . . . . She's an only child . . . So she's basically going to inherit all her parents' businesses later on . . . . While I don't have anything to expect from my parents . . . . She finished her studies abroad, while I haven't even finished high school. She's lived her whole life in a pampered and secured environment . . . while I have already experienced a lot of hardships . . . .” he suddenly smiled again as he was thinking of Lena. “You have seen Daichi . . . compared with him . . . . I am nothing.”

 

            U-Know shook his head. He was right. . . . His friend was really hiding other reasons for controlling his emotions for Lena. “Jaejoong . . . .love isn't based on the things you have in your life like money, wealth, educational attainment or social status . . . . love just happens . . . . Most of the time . . . . you just fall in love without even knowing it. You say you can't fall in love with her because she's your best friend. But frankly . . . . looking at now . . . . I can say that you're already in love with her. You're just denying it.”

 

            Jaejoong tried to laugh. But his heart was already aching. “There was a time when my mother talked with me seriously regarding my relationship with Lena. I was already fifteen then . . . . I arrived in our house with Lena. We were both very wet because we ran home even if it was raining. That time . . . . no one was home except us. Lena was already shivering and coughing. So I was very worried. I didn't know what to do. I got some of my own clothes and asked her to change her clothes. She immediately went to my room to change. But almost fifteen minutes passed, and she didn't come out of the room. I started to worry. I knocked on the door continuously . . . while asking her if she was all right. But she didn't reply. I forced the door open . . . and I found her unconscious and naked on the floor. At first, I was shocked. I was confused on what to do. But I knew I had to help her first. I immediately carried her to my bed . . .  then I put on the dry clothes that I gave her. While I was putting  on her clothes . . . . my fingers were trembling . . . . my whole body was trembling. I had  already finished putting on her clothes and was already arranging the bed when my mother arrived,” Jaejoong stopped talking.

 

            “And?” U-Know asked.

 

            “When she entered the room . . . . she was shocked to see Lena's wet clothes on the floor of my room. But then she also realized that Lena was unconscious . . . She immediately took care of her . . . But after making sure that she was all right . . . . It was then she asked me to step out of the room . . . and it was then she talked to me,” Jaejoong said.

 

            “What did you talk about?” U-Know asked curiously.

 

            Jaejoong tried to smile. He remembered everything like it was only yesterday.

 

            “At first . . . . she asked me what really happened. And I told her everything . . . from . . . us getting wet because of the rain up to the point when I also told her that I carried Lena to my bed and I also put on the clothes she was wearing. She said that I should have called for help . . . And I shouldn't have carried her mainly because of the reason that she was bare.”

           

            “What?” U-Know asked as if surprised. “So your mother expected you to just leave her like that?”

 

            Jaejoong shook his head as if very confused. “It was then my mother told me to never tell anyone about what had happened and what I had done. She said that she knew that I only wanted to help. . .  but Lena came from a very distinguished and wealthy family. If anyone else knew that I had actually seen her naked and had actually carried her while she was without clothes . . . . It would surely make a big issue in her family and in mine . . . .Lena's family might actually demand that I take responsibility for what happened and they might ask me to marry her . . . .” Jaejoong somehow smiled. Somehow he thought that marrying Lena wasn't such a bad idea. He then thought about what might have happened if he and Lena actually ended up being married during that time.

 

            “How can they do that? How can they ask you to marry her when you were only fifteen?” U-Know asked again.

 

            “I also asked my mother how Lena's family can ask me to marry her . . . when we were only fifteen . . . . But then she answered that they could arrange our marriage . . . . just like a pre-arranged marriage . . . so that we could get married when we reached the legal age,” Jaejoong answered.

 

            “Well . . . . frankly . . . . it doesn't sound that bad to me. I think she would have been much happier if she ended being in a pre-arranged marriage with you . . . .” U-Know said with a smile.

 

            “Well . . . . my mother . . . she had other thoughts in mind . . . . It was then she told me that she loved Lena like her own daughter . . . but she doesn't really think that she is fitted to be my wife,” Jaejoong stopped talking. Somehow what he had said caused his heart to ache.

 

            “She said that Lena came from a rich family. She had lived her life surrounded by luxury . . . . My mother said that I can never give or provide the things that Lena has been used to. We were just an ordinary family . . . . She also said that even though she loved Lena like her own daughter . . . . She can never accept her as a daughter-in-law. She can never fit into our kind of living . . . . It would be a cruel punishment for Lena to be married to someone who can't give her the things that she is used to . . . ." Jaejoong said sadly.

 

            "Sorry . . . . but don't you think that's a little unfair?" U-Know asked.

 

            Jaejoong smiled bitterly. "Yes . . . . I know . . . . but it was what mother said . . . . and she also made it clear to me the true reason why she didn't her to end up with me . . . ."

 

            "And that is?" U-Know asked.

 

            "First, her family will surely object to me having a relationship with her because of my state of living, and the fact that I am adopted. My mother said that Lena's family will surely find many faults in me that will surely hurt me. And aside from that she deserved someone who can give her the luxury that she is used to . . . . I will never be able to do that . . . . And frankly, she is right . . . .Even at my state of living right now . . . . I still can't compare with Daichi . . . . I can never give her what Daichi can . . . ." Jaejoong uttered sadly.

 

            "That's nonsense . . . ." U-Know said angrily.

 

            Jaejoong looked at his friend. He tried to smile . . . . but somehow his heart wasn't allowing him to even put on a fake smile.

 

            "My mother wanted her to have the best things in life . . . . and I also want that for her . . . ." Jaejoong uttered.

 

            "Even if it means . . . . that both of you will end up being miserable all your lives?" U-Know asked seriously.

 

            Jaejoong cupped his face again with his hands. He was really confused . . . . and tired. His mind  . . . . and especially his heart was very tired of . . . . everything.